Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Think she’ll notice if we take her purse?

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Lamar, where did you get the models for today’s fashion show?

From my psychiatrist. They’re all in therapy for various things, so they’re happy to have the work.

Therapy? Is it safe to have them here?

Oh sure, Boss, most of the ones with violent tendencies turned down the gig. My shrink says one of these chicks is being treated for narcolepsy.

You mean the excessive urge to sleep at inappropriate times, such as while at work, huh? I bet I can spot that one.

Lamar, the rest of the models aren’t even stopping to help her.

Yeah, those would be the members of Doc’s therapy group for the totally self-absorbed. He says they’re not making much progress…

Today’s reading is from Shooteronomy

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It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse, so I foolishly thought things might be getting better.

Let’s see here. Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons TO CHURCH, now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms and electric weapons such as stun guns or tasers.

Perhaps you recognize my large chest?

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So, pal, what do you do for a living?

What do I DO? I am FABIO!

Sorry, I don’t understand. What is that?

I am an actor and a model!

Oh! Have I seen you in anything?

Probably. I played the Handsome Man in “Scenes from a Mall,” the Blind Date in “Boogies Diner,” and I have done numerous cameos.

Long cameos?

No. The short kind.

Hmmmm. You do look familiar.

I am also a spokesman.

Spokesman, huh? For what?

I can’t believe it’s not butter.

What, this stuff on our plate isn’t butter?

No. I am a spokesman for I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Ah, I don’t watch much TV.

Do you read? I write books and my bare chest is on the covers! Perhaps you have read “Rogue,” “Comanche,” “Viking…”

You can’t have a term, Herm…

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So, Blog Guy, as a keen observer of the political scene, what’s your take? Can Herman Cain be elected president at this point?

No, he cannot.

Because of the….

Exactly. Because of his name.

Now I’m confused. His name?

Of course. What did you think I meant? Check out the U.S. Bill of Rights, and you’ll see that nobody named Lemuel, Enoch or Herman is allowed to become president.

Keeping away from the Kardashians

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Blog Guy, I’m a fed-up, angry American. Enough is enough!

What can we do to protect our country from those tawdry, horrid people? I see them everywhere now. I think you know who I’m talking about.

You must mean the Kardashians?

Of course! They’re everywhere! Now the mother has written her “memoirs,” and that daughter that got married like a week ago has already filed for divorce. How many of them are there, anyway?

Courting the goat vote…

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Blog Guy, with the 2012 presidential campaign now underway, I’m surprised nobody is covering the goat angle.

Yeah, many political writers handle that group with kid gloves, but not me, not with all of the candidates actively courting the goat vote.

Attention! Everything has been recalled!

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Blog Guy, I guess you’ve been reading about the huge recall of cantaloupes because of that deadly listeria outbreak?

Yes, but recalls in general are coming too fast to count. In the past month, we’ve had stories about recalls of lettuce, candy, ice cream, pine nuts, brewers yeast tablets, prawns, soy burgers, kale chips, spinach, organic eggs, frozen tuna

The Runway’s Got Talent!

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It’s the same old story, Lamar. We’ve got a major fashion show today, but we can’t afford to pay professional models. You always manage to come through with models on the cheap. Any luck?

Don’t worry, Boss, I got us a good group today, and they’re free.

FREE? Huzzah! But how did you work that?

Oh. Well, they’re under the impression we’re having a reality TV talent show, so they each get to do a little “act” on the runway.

The strain on Cain is changing his campaign?

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In case some of you missed it because of the freak snowstorm, I’m going to mention an unusual political story from Saturday. It involves Herman Cain, one of the front-runners for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination.

According to the Associated Press, Cain said he will “dial back” his campaign and media appearances in order to avoid missteps.

This train is bound for glory, this train

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Whoa! Did you see that, Clancy? Looked like Pope Benedict on that train that just went by!

Nah, it couldn’t have been, Lamar.That’s an express and the Pope takes the local.