Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

When the chips are down, in Wackytown

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Say, Blog Guy, I keep reading about those group tours you organize to that place you call Wackytown, the goofiest place on earth.

Right, that’s Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia. Think you’d like to join us on a trip? We’ve got a gambling junket coming up. Why waste your time in Las Vegas when you can go to a Wackytown casino?

Gambling, huh? That sounds like fun, but I also like to keep fit when I’m on vacation.

Then this is the place for you! You can go right from the slopes to the casino without even taking off your ski mask, as you can see here!

Bag? What bag, Baby?

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Hi Michelle, Sweetie, it’s me! I’m calling on my new iPhone, from Los Angeles. Where are you?

Oh, hey, Barack, you caught me just finishing a speech at a grocery here in Chicago.

It’s a black day for candy lovers…

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Okay, take that black stuff out of your mouth, put it on the floor, and back away.

That’s just me helping the government warn folks about the danger of eating too much licorice.

Lose weight the Christmas Party way!

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It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.

Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.

What’s this-here doohickey for?

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Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous career advice.

My mom gave me a glossy brochure entitled, “The Glamorous Field of Dismantling Old Nuclear Bombs,” and I signed up for their training course.

It’s real interesting, but I wondered what you thought of that career path?

Roscoe’s House of WHAT, Mr. President?

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Hey Blog Guy, a couple of days ago you illustrated your piece on high-cholesterol foods with a lot of photos of President Barack Obama with junk food, and you said, “If I want to know what foods I should avoid…I’ll just follow the presidential motorcade.” You were just joking, right?

Maybe, maybe not. That item ran on Monday, so let’s see where the Obama motorcade would have taken us on that very day.

Stir that succotash, will ya, Newt?

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Excuse me, I hate to complain and everything, but…

Yes, what is it, Governor Gingrich?

Well, I’m not a governor. I used to be the Speaker of the House of Representatives. I’m running for the Republican nomination, and I was wondering, how come I have to eat in the kitchen, standing up?

Oh, this is Iowa, Governor. Everybody eats in the kitchen.

Hang on just a minute, I can see that Rick Perry guy getting his picture taken with folks, and there’s Michele Bachmann signing autographs and what-not, and here I am standing next to some lady in an apron…

Taking Siri out for a spin?

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Blog Guy, I gather from your recent posts that you’re a big fan of Siri, the personal assistant on the new iPhone 4S who carries on conversations with users?

I am. I’m pretty dazzled, I must say.

So, have you gotten to know her personally?

Well, I don’t like to boast, but as you can see from this screen grab, yes. Siri sent me her personal, private phone number.

To goofinity, and beyond!

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I try very hard to invent high-quality fantasy stuff for my blog, but sometimes I just can’t compete with reality. For instance, I could never make up anything like this actual science story:

LAS CRUCES, New Mexico (Reuters) – A start-up space company building inflatable habitats for commercial and government lease has laid off half its staff because of delays developing space taxis needed to fly people to the outposts, the company president said on Wednesday.

All aboard for the Lipitor City Express!

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Readers of this blog know I have little patience with “stories” that not only state the obvious, but find it necessary to deliver the information in list form, for folks who are intimidated by paragraphs.

Hot on the heels of “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet” I have stumbled upon another time-waster, headlined “10 High-Cholesterol Foods to Avoid.”