Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Catching bayonets, what could go wrong?

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It’s not that I don’t think you know what you’re doing, but we hired you to spiff up our military honor guard with some great new moves, and I’m just not sure about your plan.

Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

Okay, I’m sorry, what was your name again?

Lamar.

Okay Lamar, so as I understand it, the honor guard marches up, stops, and everybody just hurls their rifles straight into the air, is that it?

That’s it. It’s going to be impressive as hell.

The weapons go straight up and come straight back down. The crowd won’t soon forget this show!

You’re sure these guns won’t rotate or anything?

They shouldn’t. They’ll all have bayonets on them, so I think that should help stabilize them.

WARNING: avert your gaze!

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Blog Guy, as the proprietor of a very visual blog, can you tell me the easiest way to get people to look at a photograph?

Sure. Just tell them not to. It’s simple reverse psychology. For example, DO NOT look at the picture in this blog.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Mr. President!

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Do you believe this, Michelle?

What’s that, Barack?

I’m the president, and I’m pulling my own pumpkins!

Pulling your pumpkins from the patch to the plane?

Precisely.

Where’s the presidential pumpkin puller?

In Pacific Palisades.

Presidential Pumpkin Puller Peter Piper is in Pacific Palisades?

Positively.

Poop! That explains why I had to pick my own peck of pickled peppers!

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Top and right: President Barack Obama pulls a cart loaded with pumpkins that he and first lady Michelle Obama picked for Halloween at Wood’s Orchard in Hampton, Virginia October 19, 2011.

Bottom right: Michelle Obama looks at red pepper she pulled from the White House Kitchen Garden during the fall season harvest  in Washington, October 5, 2011.

Farewell to the Gaddafi Goof-O-Rama

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Blog Guy, have you been crying? What’s the matter?

Oh, you know, I just hate to see Muammar Gaddafi go.

Are you nuts? He was a brutal dictator, overthrown by his own people!

Sure, but he was a madcap, zany goofball, too. He was in a class all by himself, and my blog was richer for him.

So it’s all about you and your blog and your goofy stuff, Blog Guy? Everything in the world?

Do we get a snack on this flight, or what?

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Quick quiz: You realize your job may sort of suck if you…

a) find yourself on a flight from Malta to Tripoli

b) notice the card by your seat describes you only as the “Senior Leader-in-Transit”

c) are trying to read your PDA with your sunglasses on

d) are trying to study a briefing book and can’t recall if your eyes are open or shut

I’ve ALWAYS wanted whatever this is!

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Blog Guy, anything new for us from Williams-Sonoma? I’m starting my Christmas shopping early this year.

You know, I think I pick on them too much. I mean, those folks are just trying to make a living with their $2,399.95 espresso machine, to choose an item at random from the new catalog.

Taking a stand for a place to sit?

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Blog Guy, nobody has better connections to the 2012 political campaigns than you do. I’ve heard that President Obama has chosen his official campaign slogan for the presidential race.

I presume it’s “Yes we can,” since that worked so well for him in 2008?

Suddenly, it’s GREAT to be Ronald!

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Blog Guy, awhile back you showed us lots of spam you were getting by mistake. It was meant for a guy named RONALD Basler. He seemed to be having a pretty rough time, what with debt, depression, a leaky roof… Have you checked on him lately?

It’s kind of you to ask. I’m still getting tons of this guy’s spam, but his fortunes seem to have improved.

Well, time to slap the old vodka bottle!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re an expert on other cultures, and I have a question.

I just heard an Eastern European expression, “slapping the old vodka bottle.” Jeez, I’m really hoping that’s not a euphemism for…

New iPhone? No Siri, Bob!

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Blog Guy, I read your review of the new iPhone 4S the day it was released, and found it ridiculous. You bill yourself as one of the top technology bloggers in your zip code, and yet you didn’t even mention Siri, the phone’s incredible voice recognition feature, which answers questions and obeys commands.

I don’t think you even HAVE a 4S yet!

That’s where you’re wrong. I was just carrying on a conversation with Siri, and I’ll paste it into my blog to prove it.