Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, not to bring up a depressing topic, but have you made plans for what will be done with your body when you die?
I’m arranging that now, thanks to several readers who sent me info about a company called Holy Smoke. They put your cremated ashes into shotgun shells or rifle cartridges, so your friends can shoot you off. Even in death, you can be helping to kill some poor creature.
Their Website says, “We offer a way to honor your deceased loved one by giving or sharing with him or her one more round of clay targets, one last bird hunt, or one last stalk hunt.”
Okay, you’re just making that crap up, Blog Guy.
No, I’m not. Whether you were a big shot or your life was just a flash in the pan, you can go out this way…
Okay, listen up, troops! I’ve got your duty assignments for the anti-Gaddafi army!
Smith, you’re riding in a tank. Jones, you’re a bombardier. Williams, you fire rocket-propelled grenades and blow up big stuff all day long. Johnson, you’re on Bike Patrol. Williams, you’re…
Blog Guy, I’ve been trying to get a job in the exciting outdoor food service industry, and there aren’t any. Do you know why?
Yes! That’s what happened to me! I tried getting work peeling potatoes in Ireland, and they gave the position to a presidential candidate, instead!
So, Blog Guy! I guess for top gadget writers like yourself, this is a HUGE day!
Of course. Give me a hint. The new Williams-Sonoma catalog?
Oh, um, sure! I went over at 7 a.m. today but the line was very long, so I bought one from a guy outside. My staff and I are testing it now.
Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?
Blog Guy, I need some of your great advice on home entertaining.
Is it something that can be solved by a fancy Williams-Sonoma gadget?
Not this time. I’ve invited some of those anti-Gaddafi soldiers over for a home- cooked dinner, and I’m wondering if there’s anything special I should know. We’ll start with pre-dinner drinks in the living room.
That sounds lovely. Make sure they have a clear line of fire.
Excuse me? Clear line of fire?
You know, they’ll want to use your sofa’s arm rest for their assault weapons, so you should only put one fighter on each piece of furniture.
Blog Guy, who’s your favorite superhero? Mine is Superman. I love the whole story of being sent here in a rocket from the planet Krypton by his scientist father, Jor-El, and how he….
Er, no, he was raised by the kindly Kents, and…
And then he disguised himself by…
By wearing a business suit and a snap-brim hat and glasses, and…
No, by having plastic surgery on his nose, cheeks, lips, chin and thighs, and changed his skin color, and…
Blog Guy, I’ve been seeing photos of well-armed rebels in Yemen in recent days, and I notice a lot of swollen cheeks. Are those plucky lads in need of major dental care?
No, don’t worry about that. These guys are just getting stoned on a leaf called qat.
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I love visiting the childhood homes of great people, to see where they got their start.
People ask me where I get all the stupid stuff in this blog, and I have to say, honestly, the best of it is straight out of the news.
Here’s an example. According to an Associated Press story, officials in Georgia are considering saving money by putting prisoners in fire stations.