Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with my investment manager’s astrologer?
Wait. Doesn’t it bother you that your investment manager HAS an astrologer?
Nah, it beats the hell out of his damned Magic 8-Ball. “Should I get out of the stock market?” “Ask again later…” Sheesh.
Anyway, he says the Pope gets a summer vacation, but I think the Pope works all the time.
Blog Guy, I’ve just graduated from college, and I would like some of your famous career advice. Can you help me?
If it doesn’t take too long. What are you looking for?
Blog Guy, what happened? You kind of left us hanging. You were about to crown a new Queen of the Entire World a couple of weeks ago, and it was down to two candidates.
Remember? One was in a giant feathered headdress and the other was just back from the longest Ash Wednesday service in history.
Blog Guy, you used to have a regular feature called, “What Former Dental Hygienists are Doing.” It was lively, timely and we all loved it, so what happened to it?
I’m sorry, I guess I dropped the ball on that. Give me another chance. Look, here’s the former dental hygienist for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.
Blog Guy, it seems to me the American people are starting to send a signal to big government and Wall Street, that we’re not going to take it anymore. We’re fed up with business as usual. We’re saying…
Oh, please. You call a couple of primary election surprises and some Tea Party rallies a signal?
Hey Blog Guy, you obviously know a lot about language. I just heard a strange expression, “As dumb as an Italian hunter.” What does that even mean?
It means incredibly dumb, is what it means. At least 17 people have been killed recently in hunting accidents in the mountains and forests of northern Italy, six of them in a single 48-hour period.
Lonnie, we have to talk. People have been losing interest in our runway shows lately, and I think I know why. Do you know why people come to fashion shows?
Sure, Boss. To see the hot new clothes for the next season?
No! They come to be insulted. They want us to treat them like utter crap, so they can leave feeling totally degraded, and we haven’t been giving them enough of that.
Okay, Lamar, this has your ineptitude written all over it. I gave you simple instructions, to find a couple of people to manage the shop during the post-Christmas sale, and who do you hire? Frickin’ Roman centurions!
Look! Another couple just went right up to the door, saw these goofballs with helmets and swords, and just walked away. How are we supposed to make any money?