Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hall to the Chief?

Blog Guy, I’ve been following President Barack Obama at the G8 summit. Can you please tell me what all those world leaders do most of the time?

They walk. And walk. And walk…. And walk…

Really?

Sure. Look at this summit photo of Obama on an endless red carpet. That’s pretty typical.

A recent efficiency study found that leaders of major countries spend 72 percent of their time walking, mostly in grand hallways. It appears to be the reason why so little gets done.

You take the White House. The pictures below show Obama making endless trips back and forth to the East Room using a hallway which is roughly two miles long.

You call for some professional whippers?

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Afternoon, Mr. Johnson, we’re the whippers you called for. You know, from Acme Whipping and Lawn Care.

You probably saw our ad in the Yellow Pages: “Acme, we can whip anybody!”

The most romantic wedding spot on earth?

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I guess every couple in love wants to be Romeo and Juliet. To refresh your memory, Juliet was a 13-year-old girl who couldn’t marry her boyfriend, so she takes a potion that makes her seem dead, then he finds her and takes poison, and when she wakes up and sees his body she stabs herself to death.

What young love bugs wouldn’t want a relationship like that?

Now modern lovers can have the ultimate romantic thrill, getting married on the balcony in the 13th century mansion thought to be the home of the Capulets of Shakespeare’s tragedy, ‘West Side Story.’

Hand me a hose, I’m the Pope!

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Okay guys, for reasons that baffle me, the stupid network dropped our Police Pope! series. It’s a blow, but we’re back in the lineup this fall with something even better: Jacob’s Ladder!

The new premise is that the Pope used to be a fireman. He still misses the action, see, so the Italian firefighters call him in on really tough fires.

Harry Potter and the murder rap?

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Quick quiz: These smiling, fresh-faced kids…

a) Have been cast to star in a new Harry Potter movie.

b) Were accepted to the leafy New England college of their choice.

c) Are going to the senior prom together.

d) Seem to really be enjoying their murder trial.

If you guessed the murder trial you win, although the reason for the smiles is a mystery to me.

The two, Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito, have been on trial for several weeks, and some of these happy snaps were taken as recently as today. Whenever we get new photos from the court, I marvel again at the degree of levity.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

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Blog Guy, I heard the Italians are pioneering new treatment for coma patients. Do you know about this?

Yes, I think you’re talking about the one where beautiful Italian women wearing next to nothing move sensuously around patients in a last-ditch attempt to awaken them.

Vampire chicks feast on yummy plague flesh!

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Over in Italy, they found the remains of a female “vampire,” buried with a brick jammed between her jaws to prevent her from feeding on plague victims.

Right. Apparently scientists have discounted the more obvious explanation, that maybe she just had one of those high shrill voices that really irritated people.

Take a Willy Wonka vacation!

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Blog Guy, I was amazed by your item about the two Taj Mahals. I’m planning a trip to exotic Machu Picchu. How many of those are there?

Counting the chocolate one?

Wait! There’s a chocolate one?

Sure. Here’s a photo. Many popular tourist places are being replicated in dessert form these days, since folks are tired of the real thing. For instance, the best Big Ben is a chocolate one in Italy.

We had real dictators back then! Good times!

Blog Guy, I was stunned to see items in your blog recently about dictator nostalgia. You had folks carrying pictures of Joseph Stalin in Ukraine and Belarus, and then you had people trying to keep the Mussolini name alive in Italy.

Yes, and just today we have photos of weepy mourners crying on the second anniversary of the death of former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet.

I’m afraid you’re finito, Benito!

From Italy comes news that a right-wing party is offering money to parents who name their babies after wartime fascist dictator Benito Mussolini or his wife Rachele, saying their names are under threat.

Well, it’s about time for such incentives! There are some perfectly nice names out there that shouldn’t disappear just because of one bad apple!