Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Runway twist new grist for the wrist

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cubes-crop-160.jpgWell, the fashion industry says these clear cube bracelets will be huge this summer, but I don’t think so. Here are some problems I see:

    - You know how you buy a bag of fried pork rinds from a vending machine and they don’t come all the way down, so then you have to stick your hand up there and grab them? You try doing that wearing these!

- A summer accessory? Two words: sun magnification. We’re talking heat rash, second degree burns and wrists so puffy you’ll have to hack the things off with a saw!

- Think you can eat corn-on-the-cob wearing these? Think again…

- And finally, no matter what some slick ad campaign tells you, cheap clear plastic is not “the new platinum.”

cubes-300.jpgA model displays an outfit of SLY at the Tokyo Runway 2008 Spring and Summer collection March 23, 2008. REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

Proposing marriage is not an outdoor sport

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This guy decides to ask his girlfriend to marry him, so how does he do it?

    He gives her a $12,000 ring at home, with a cozy fire in the fireplace and a bottle of champagne chilling? He gives her a $12,000 ring at their favorite restaurant, over a perfect creme brulee? He puts a $12,000 ring in a helium balloon and takes it outside to hand it to her on a windy day?

Maybe you see where this is going. The balloon was last spotted drifting high over London.

Cripes! I’m surprised he didn’t suck in some of that helium himself and propose in a high squeaky voice! In our story, he says he feels like “such a plonker.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds about right.

Bling bling isn’t a panda, you know…

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mr-t-120.jpgMemo to fashion show staff:

I am happy to announce we’ve secured the services of Mr. T, of “Rocky” and “A-Team” fame, to be  jewelry consultant for this show.  

Mr. T brings a wealth of experience in hanging gold chains on everything, including himself. “It’s just like putting tinsel on a Christmas Tree,” he says. “I throw lots of stuff and see what sticks. I pity the fool that doesn’t like it…”

Put on your “glad” rags!

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fashion-bracelet-180.jpgSalutations, Blog Guy – My husband is a gladiator. It’s a living. Us “glad wives” are expected to show up and cheer, but I need accessories. I want edgy stuff that sort of says, “My husband left his trident in your husband.”

Maybe some jewelry, so my hands will look good when I do thumbs-down at the end of a match.  

Pouting bikini models behind bars…

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“Connie, we have a huge problem. Some of the models are complaining that our outfits are too stupid-looking to wear in the fashion show. One of them said you want her to go out in a bikini, patterned stockings, boots, gloves, a jewelled purse and necklace. That does sound kind of lame to me…

“Well Connie, if they won’t show up, that’s it. I mean, you can’t drag them out there locked in cages, can you? Can you imagine what the blog headlines would say? Connie? Connie!”

Don’t wear the bracelet on your neck, honey…

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necklace-300.jpgBlog Guy, I want to get my wife  something nice for Christmas.  Do you have tips on jewelry and clothes?

Certainly. Guys often neglect to make sure there are easy-to-follow directions showing  how to wear a necklace, dress or whatever.

Who sang Funkytown? Who sang Funkytown? Who…

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pickup-200.jpgThis dude wrote a book about picking up women. He says he was named “world’s greatest pickup artist” for three years. I never won that title, and didn’t even know there was a contest. But the thing is, this expert’s advice just sounds funny.

Take rule number one: When you walk into a room look like you are having fun and don’t look around for attractive women. Now, if you see a guy walk in by himself looking like he’s “having fun,” you’re probably going to wonder what he’s on, and why he isn’t looking for attractive women like the other guys are, right?

Me? I thought YOU told her about bracelets!

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This professional fashion model… apparently skipped the class called “Jewelry: What Goes Where?” is not who you want to take as your date to a corn-on-the-cob restaurant was named the Best ZZ Top Female Tribute Artist for four straight years should plan on serious delays in getting through airport security

In case you think this photo is just a novelty fluke, take a look at the slideshow:

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A model displays an outfit by Carlos Diez during the Spring/Summer 2008 Pasarela Cibeles fashion show in Madrid September 21, 2007. REUTERS/Susana Vera

Introducing the waist-necklace?

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Once again the fashion industry takes a turn for the practical, offering up this outfit perfectly suited for a wide range of occasions, whether you’re representing deadbeats in tax court, walking your ferret, flying in your gyrocopter, or just enjoying an evening of miniature golf.

My only problem is, in spite of being a longtime observer of the haute couture scene, sometimes they hit me with confusing new articles of clothing, like that uni-sleeve deal a few weeks ago.

This award is the icing on the carat cake…

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As Marilyn Monroe put it so well in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, upon seeing her first tiara, ”I just LOVE finding new places to wear diamonds.”

Well, it turns out some people are better at wearing jewelry than others, which I guess is why there’s actually a Best Jewelry Wearer competition, in Japan.