Blog Guy, I’ve noticed that every time you offer career advice about the military, all you do is write about the jobs you consider crappy. Are there ANY good jobs?

Yes. These troops here are watching as tons of marijuana goes up in smoke, if you catch my drift.

They’re just standing there.

I presume they’re also inhaling, if you catch my drift.

So this would be a good assignment?

Absolutely, especially when the Big Snack Truck shows up, if you catch my drift.

And all they have to do is be in a straight formation?

More of a Zigzag, if you…

Yes, I DO catch your drift, Blog Guy.! The village idiot would catch your drift!

Oh. Now I’ve forgotten what I was saying, if you catch…

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Soldiers stand in formation as packages of marijuana are incinerated at a military base in Monterrey, northern Mexico, April 24, 2009. More than 9 tons of marijuana and drugs such as cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines and psychotropic pills were destroyed as part of efforts to crack down on the drug trade. REUTERS/Tomas Bravo

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I’m not going to prolong it. The Worst Job in the World title came down to a number of factors - danger, grossness, fecalocitude, etc.

In the end, I had to choose the worst job I happen to have a photo of, and that brings us to the exciting field of elephant proctology.

Astoundingly, one person guessed it right in a comment on my Oddly Enough Facebook blog wall. They left no name, which I guess means they’re currently wanted by the law for something or other.

For those of you wondering what the doctor is saying here:

• “Damn Verizon! I’m getting no reception in here at all!”
• “Feels like he had egg salad and guacamole for dinner.”
• “Bring me the tree trimmers! He’s got hemorrhoids the size of a schnauzer!”
• “I found my lunchbox, Lonnie! Is it noon yet?”
  

Here is the job in real life, so you college grads looking at glossy brochures, pay attention! Got a degree in creative writing? The interview line starts you-know-where.

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A doctor cleans the rectum of Jamilah, a 29-year-old female elephant, before conducting a four-dimensional ultrasound exam, in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Tim Chong

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It is gratifying to see the response to yesterday’s post about the Very Worst Job in the World. Guesses are still very welcome, and the actual job will be announced at 11 a.m. on Thursday.

With regret, I’ve disqualified all the folks who guessed their own jobs. That’s just too easy. One of those was the guy who edits this very blog. Sorry, I don’t think so.

I have to say the single most commonly guessed job was U.S. Secretary of the Interior. Good try, people, but that one is just too obvious.

There were some very creative suggestions. In Peoria, Ill., 76 pre-teen boys sat in a room for three hours, brainstorming the question. They sent me 462 guesses, not one of which can even be printed here. Way to go, boys!

So keep them coming - you have like 20 hours left. Just to help you along, here’s a small section of the real Worst Job person at work. Tomorrow, the entire photo. 

Remember to make your guess at the Worst Job in the World

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President-elect Barack Obama (L) hugs Colorado Senator Ken Salazar, his nominee for secretary of interior, at a news conference in Chicago, December 17, 2008. REUTERS/Jeff Haynes

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Blog Guy, my daughter hasn’t decided on a career. You give great job advice, and you’ve even named the worst job in the world. Could you remind me what that was?

Oh, I’ve written about so many bad careers. There’s crocodile dentistry, being a crew member aboard a homemade submarine, being a trolleybus driver’s assistant.

Yeah, yeah, those are all very bad, but I know you’ve had worse.

I’ve mentioned lots of jobs in the exciting field of fireworks. Firecracker tester, fireworks hauler, firecracker victim, confiscated fireworks gasoline soaker and burner.

Hey, those fireworks jobs sound pretty sweet!

Wow. Do you live in Texas?  What about bad jobs in the military? Like the dude who looks down rifle barrels to see if anything seems wrong.

No, worse than that.

The Osama bin Laden look-alike who patrols a slum with a toy rifle? The Semen-collecting fake cow driver? The women in skimpy outfits who have to sit right in the barf-path of Wing Bowl competitors and stare longingly at their greasy mouths?

That would a horrible fate for my Zoe Belle, but I know you have worse.

Look lady, I know what you want, but don’t make me use that photo. Please.

I’m writing to your editor. You’ll show the photo before this week is over!

I want guesses from readers. Go wild, because this photo has never been used here.

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Above: Fernando Aguirre, locally known as Osama Bin Laden, patrols Bogota slum, in 2008 photo. REUTERS/ Daniel Munoz

Below: Wing Bowl champion John “Super Squibb” Squibb wins the chicken wing eating contest in Philadelphia, January 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tim Shaffer

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Quick quiz: if you feel tired at work and you need to catch a few winks, a good place to do it is…

a) a cot in the office.

b) the back seat of your car.

c) the barstool at your watering hole

d) a railroad track, on April Fool’s Day.

Unfortunately, this guy chose d).

I imagine his buddies in the work crew said something like, “Lonnie, you’re lookin’ kind of sleepy. Go on, close your eyes. Those tracks are real comfy, and the 12:06 to Shanghai is always late.”

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A worker naps on the railway at the construction site of Wuhan North Railway Marshalling Station in Wuhan, Hubei province, China, April 1, 2009. REUTERS/ Stringer

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I’m always amazed at the number of queries I get about careers in the exciting field of rattlesnakes.

Guys, having the word rattlesnake on your business card is a chick-magnet, trust me. But not all of those jobs are as glamorous as you might think.

Now, you take this photo, of a dude shining a flashlight into a snake den after pumping gas to it. Gas-Pumping Flashlight-Shiner is a bad job. It’s pretty far down the ladder, right under being the rattlesnake itself.

That brings me to you gals thinking of being a Live Rattlesnake Necklace Model. My advice, if you model snakes, the word DEAD should be in there, like Dead Rattlesnake Belt Model or something.

What snake job DO I recommend? I loved being the Rattlesnake Jokester, who carries an old rattle and shakes it right behind the Flashlight-Shiners. You should just SEE the expression on their faces as they run for the porta-jon!

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Above: A snake hunter shines a flashlight into a rattlesnake den after pumping gasoline into it as men with tongs wait to catch the snakes during a guided snake hunt at the World’s Biggest Rattlesnake Round-up, in Sweetwater, Texas, March 14, 2009.

Below: Sweetwater Jaycee drapes a snake around a woman’s neck as she poses for a picture at the Rattlesnake Round-up.

REUTERS photos by Jessica Rinaldi

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Blog Guy, I’m a U.S. businessman who wants to outsource jobs to China. First, I need to build a big factory and office over there. Do you know a good building firm?

Wait just a minute. You’ll pay through the nose for a “good” building firm. I strongly recommend you put together a team of recent carpentry grads from someplace like Shanghai Tool School.

Is that a good school?

There you go again, with that word “good.” All of their grads take an intensive two-week carpentry program.

Two weeks? For professional carpenters? I don’t know.

Look, these guys are eager to learn on the job. You should go for the ones with severe head wounds. Salary-wise, they’re not in a great negotiating position.

Thanks! Anybody I should avoid hiring?

Yeah, the students who majored in power drills. You’ll spot them easily.

e-mail this guy to someone who irritates you!

Local performers dressed as villains injured by tools during a traditional “Kuaihuo” parade at Chisha, Shaanxi province, China, February 8, 2009. “Kuaihuo” is a local traditional performance which originated from an ancient story. REUTERS/Reinhard Krause

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Keep it coming, Blog Guy - the more photojournalism advice I can get, the sooner I’ll get my dream job.

What do you want to know today, Grasshopper?

I’m wondering about ethics and privacy. Are photojournalists expected to violate basic standards of dignity and decency? How far should we go to get THE news shot?

That’s a decision every shooter has to make on his own. You take this week, when rumors spread that Paris Hilton was in a Port-a-john. For once, paparazzi showed some class.

They did? How?

Instead of pushing the thing over, or setting it on fire, or kicking in the door, they discreetly just shot in through the open roof.

I’m guessing that didn’t really happen.

Nah, but it’s more fun than the real photo caption.

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Above: Paris Hilton in Park City, Utah, January 17, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Below: Photographers take pictures of a mirror room created by Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci during the opening ceremony of an exhibition titled “Da Vinci - The Genius” in Budapest February 5, 2009 . REUTERS/Karoly Arvai

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I’m getting e-mails from recent grads asking for career advice. They should start with my previous posts, but I do have some new tips, as well.

These photos illustrate some common mistakes made by grads who jump at the first job.

Please remember two of Bob’s career rules:

1. A good job will not involve anything squirting out of your eyes except maybe a contact lens. Certainly not milk, as seen here. Milk is meant to squirt out your nose, when you see something funny.

2. A good job will not generally involve a pole with sharp blades attached. Think of it this way: If there is some chance that your fingers will reach the ground before the rest of you, avoid the job. Unless you majored in Film Studies.

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A performer squirts milk through his eyes during a performance to celebrate Chinese New Year in Beijing, January 29, 2009. REUTERS/ Christina Hu

An acrobat hangs from a pole with blades during a performance to celebrate Chinese New Year at an amusement park in Beijing, January 28, 2009. REUTERS/ Reinhard Krause

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or have I been seeing Batman working at odd jobs lately, like at Arby’s and Jiffy Lube?

It’s not just you. Sadly, Bruce Wayne has hit hard times. Turns out a lot of his money was invested with Bernie Madoff, so that’s gone, and there were other very bad business decisions.

So, now Batman is working every odd job he can, just to keep the Batmobile going, and he’s only accepting crime calls within three blocks of Stately Wayne Manor.

In addition, he’s been picking up a few euros modeling at overseas fashion shows, as you can see here.

Wow, that’s very sad! And what about Robin?

I take it you haven’t watched late night infomercials lately? Does the Boy Wonder Miracle Grill and Sewing Machine ring a bell?

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A model displays a creation by Japanese designer Rynshu Hashimoto for Masatomo as part of his Fall/Winter 2009/10 men’s collections during Paris Fashion Week January 25, 2009. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

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