Cripes. Here’s one of those end-of-the year stories where experts talk about the language in 2008. A dictionary publisher has listed the words that received the highest intensity of lookups over the shortest period.

I’m all for improving vocabulary, but first on the list was BAILOUT, and third was SOCIALISM. If people really needed to look those up, they should also look up PATHETIC in connection with our schools.

Also among the words were BIPARTISAN - really - and MAVERICK, which maybe the candidates wouldn’t have used so often had they known how confusing it was. Heck, I can remember when Maverick was a television show that everybody watched.

While I’m ranting about words here, I’d like to mention an unfortunate byproduct of our financial woes.

If I read or see one more journalist or pundit using variations of “From Wall Street to Main Street,” I may regurgitate over the PRECIPICE, another word lots of folks had to look up in 2008.

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Above: Maverick publicity photo.

Below: Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin and Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain, October 28, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, my neighbor told me that both presidential candidates have a lot of phony versions of themselves out there on the campaign trail. Could that be true?

Oh, grow up. Of course. Do you really think anybody could keep up a demanding nonstop schedule like that for so long?

Practically anybody who shows you a photo of himself with Barack Obama is really just posing with one of 42,000 cutouts. If you can see the side of him, it may be real. If not, it’s laminated plywood.

As for McCain, he uses several expensive animatronic puppets that can wave, give thumbs up, and do that quick smile that almost seems human. If you look carefully at this photo sequence from today, you can see his wife, Cindy, operating the lever to make him wave. Had you fooled, huh?

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Above: Claudette Maury takes a picture with a cutout of  Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama at a polling station on election day in Washington, DC, November 4, 2008. REUTERS/Joshua Roberts

Below: Republican presidential nominee John McCain waves to people gathered outside his polling place after he and his wife Cindy cast their ballots in Phoenix, Arizona, November 4, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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I’ve received a number of e-mails this weekend from undecided voters, asking for last-minute advice. I’m afraid I can’t help those people. If you’re undecided 48 hours before voting, I’m guessing you can’t even choose a breakfast cereal for yourself.

However, it has been a long campaign and it’s worth revisiting some of the themes we’ve featured in this blog.

Photo-wise, we’ve covered all the major shots: Shoes, stair climbing, sunglass reflections, hugs and ice cream.

As far as issues, we’ve addressed all the big ones: UFOs, literary scenes, fuel efficiency and country music.

So here is some recommended reading, just to get you in the mood:

Oh sure, Mom, you saw WHO?

Politics 2008! The MONSTER movie!

Refrain in Spain: Vote mainly for McCain!

Hi! I’m running for the Pepsi Challenge!

Please look at me, Senator!

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain reacts to almost heading the wrong way off the stage, October 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

A woman (front) kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of Democratic candidates Barack Obama and Joe Biden, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Blog Guy, these presidential campaigns look SO expensive! The candidates must be practically broke!

Oh please, don’t be so naive! It’s all about easy interstate commerce.

What the heck…

Look, hayseed! The candidates are in planes criss-crossing the country, right? They pick up stuff that’s abundant in one state, fly it to where it’s scarce, and sell it! No tariffs, no pesky taxes.

I had no idea…

Well then, grow up. Look at these photos. McCain buying Florida oranges and heading for the chilly Midwest. Obama picking pumpkins, then rattling off a quick speech while his staff loads them up.

You grab some rhubarb and fresh lobsters in one place, sell it across the country, and return with a load of turquoise keychains and buffalo skins. The so-called “battleground states” are the ones with the most money to spend.

Try it yourself. If you spread the word that folks in Montana would REALLY pay big for some radishes, you’ll have both candidates stumping there tomorrow, I promise!

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Above: Republican presidential nominee John McCain holds oranges he bought in Florida, October 23, 2008. REUTERS/ Brian Snyder

Below: Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama selects pumpkins in Florida, October 30, 2008. Obama staffers take pumpkins aboard plane.

REUTERS photos by Jason Reed

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Okay gang, listen up! Ernie came up with a GREAT idea I want to share with you!

As you know, we ordered WAY too many McCain Palin bumper stickers, considering most people can’t afford to drive their cars anymore.

But instead of just going to waste, Ernie sent them over to the rally, to have people stick ‘em on their heads! Kind of like hats, only cheaper! Ernie says it’s a solid sea of supporters with bumper stickers on their foreheads over there!

Is that GREAT, or… Huh? The sticky stuff is industrial strength glue? Permanent? Loss of hair and skin? Emergency rooms?

Um, Ernie, you might wanna warn the candidate not to spend too much time workin’ the crowd over there…

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A supporter cheers at a campaign rally with Republican presidential nominee John McCain in Miami, October 29, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, I’m just a regular dude selling strawberry shortcake down here in Florida. I have a recurring nightmare that one day a presidential candidate will just stick his big grinning face right through my window.

That would push me over the edge, for sure. What are the actual chances of this kind of a strawberry shortcake window political intrusion?

You can forget about it. The odds are a billion to one. It hasn’t happened since 1964.

If you say so, then I’ll return to my strawberry job,  but I’m scared. Who was the candidate in ‘64?

A Republican named “Berry” Goldwater.

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain ducks through the window to order a strawberry shortcake and greet employees at Parkesdale Farms in Plant City, Florida October 23, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, you seem to know a lot about politics, and I’m hoping you can answer a tough question for me.

I’ll sure try.

Well, you know when those candidates go to campaign rallies in buildings? I was wondering what the back doors look like on those places. 

Great question! The doors are usually heavy reinforced metal without windows. Sometimes they have numbers, for instance 3433, on them, as was the case at this place where Republican candidate John McCain appeared today.

No way!

Way! And you’ll often find a police person there, too.

Brilliant! And why do you happen to have a photo of guarded door number 3433?

I have absolutely no idea. I just use what they give me.

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A police officer guards an entrance as Republican presidential nominee John McCain arrives at a rally in Bensalem, Pennsylvania October 21, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Blog Guy, everybody knows about Barack Obama’s trip to Europe, but has John McCain done any overseas travel during the campaign?

I believe so. I’m pretty sure I saw a photo of him coming out of Buckingham Palace yesterday. He probably visited the King or Queen or whatever they’ve got over there.

Not to second-guess you or anything, but isn’t Buckingham Palace a little swankier than that thing in the photo?

Okay, Smarty-Pants, what do YOU think it is?

It looks to me like that pork store in the opening credits of The Sopranos.

Right. As I was saying, Republican candidate McCain campaigned in New Jersey yesterday, and stopped by the neighborhood of former mob boss Tony Soprano, who may have been gunned down in a hail of bullets last year…

Thanks. That’s why I read this blog. Your news is so … flexible … You don’t get enough flexible news these days.

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain leaves Buckingham Smokehouse Bar-B-Q after a meeting with owners of small businesses in Columbia, Missouri October 20, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Blog Guy, I love the way your blog offers tips to aspiring photojournalists. I’ve memorized your advice on shooting handshakes and shoes. What other elements make for a great political photo?

Stairs. If you are able to spot candidates climbing back onto their campaign plane, readers eat that up. I find roughly 8,500,000 tarmac stair-climbing photos from this campaign alone, and I’m thinking of publishing a coffee table book called, “Steps to the White House.”

Awesome! I bet that would sell a lot, and these examples are gripping and dramatic. But as important as the candidates are, isn’t there a way they could arrange for moving stairs to their planes at each stop?

Yes, they could. The legal term for having that in a contract is “escalation clause.”

You are  such a loser! That’s it, I’m never coming back here!

You’ll come back. They always come back.

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Above: Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain, his wife Cindy and vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin wave from the top of the stairs of to their campaign plane, September 6, 2008.      REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Below: Combo of countless candidate stair-climbing photos by REUTERS

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Blog Guy, I saw a picture of presidential candidate John McCain using “air quotes” yesterday. What was that about?

It could have been a couple of things. I think when he talks about his time as a prisoner of war he puts air quotes around “Hanoi Hilton,” because he wants people to know it wasn’t a REAL Hilton, which in many cases would be nicer than a prison cell.

Ah. Or what else could it be?

He also may have been talking about his running mate, “Governor” Sarah Palin. Traditionally, the chief executives of certain “states,” like Alaska, are referred to as “governor,” not governor.  Similarly, you will recall that Bill Clinton was once the “governor” of “Arkansas.”

Exactly what determines the difference?

I’ll let you figure that out.

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain speaks to supporters during a rally in Downingtown, Pennsylvania October 16, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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