Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Then the queen says to this fishmonger…

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I say, my good man, are you the local fishmonger?

You’ve come to the right plaice, your majesty. I’m the o-fish-al monger!

Well, I must say, there is a vile odor here!

You smelt something bad? Say, did you come to carp, or are you here just for the halibut? Get it? Halibut? I got a million of ‘em!

One gathers you must be some sort of village simpleton, laughing at jokes such as those.

You could be right, your majesty. I’ll mullet over.

Now see here! I am growing very angry!

I’m not doing it on porpoise, your highness. It’s probably just your minnow-pause.

Want a margarita in a dribble glass, sir?

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Blog Guy, I know you’re blogging from vacation, and some of your readers have been debating where you might have gone.

Thanks for your interest. I’m at a world-famous practical joke camp for adults.

When designers stay up past bedtime…

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BRAZIL/

Um, Blog Guy, you write about fashion real good. We are two very famous designers, and we would like to have you cover our new clothes and stuff. Okay?

BRAZIL/Sure. If you’re really big designers, I’ll see your creations at one of the big international shows.

Look at the knockers on that place!

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TUNISIA/

Blog Guy, my daughter just got a degree in creative writing and film studies. Any suggestions for a job?

Sure. Increasingly, people in nice big houses are hiring human door knockers to hang on their front doors, as kind of a status thing. You get to work with people and be outdoors.

One small step for man…aaaahhhhhh!!!

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Blog Guy, you strike me as a guy who would like practical jokes.

SWITZERLAND/No way. Too many of those things are cruel, sick, mean-spirited and make me cringe.

Oh come on, I can tell from the humor in your blog, you’ve contemplated some pretty funny tricks on your fellow man, even if you never went through with them.

It’s a regular Hu’s Who, Blog Guy!

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Hey, Blog Guy, I’ve been looking at your photo file. You just had a shot of China’s President Hu Jintao, in Shenzhen.

Who?

Yes, Hu! He was near Macau, where that snooker player is from.

ws howe 220What?

That’s him! Si Tau Chong Wut. And while Hu was in Shenzhen, China’s premier was in Tianjin.

Next, I’ll snap myself with a towel…

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Blog Guy, your coverage of stupid sports has fallen off. Isn’t anybody out there competing in such stupid classics as Appliance Golf, Tear Gas Tennis and Pottybuilding?

Your timing is perfect. The International Self-Pranking Olympics are now underway in Germany. All those cruel, thoughtless practical jokes that dumbasses usually pull on other people, they do to themselves at these Olympics.

Bad practical jokes on guys with guns…

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Pay attention, Earl, this is goin’ down as my very best practical joke ever!Now just picture it. All these troops will be looking left, see, watching for the president to arrive. So I’m gonna stretch a shin-high rope in front of their legs!Then, see, when they take a step forward with their UNLOADED rifles to present arms, they’ll all go stumbling and sprawling! They’ll be SO pissed-off!Get outta here, Earl, here comes the president now!What? Their guns ARE loaded? Fully-automatic, huh? Magnum what?

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A soldier lines up a rope for guard of honor members before Hungary’s President Laszlo Solyom arrives for a two day long official visit in Brdo, Slovenia, October 8, 2009. REUTERS/Srdjan Zivulovic

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Space: the final novelty shop?

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Okay comrades, it was partly my idea to send a billionaire Canadian jokester into space to make us a few extra rubles. Now, just two days into the flight, I admit it was a horrible mistake.

It was bad enough when Guy Laliberte put on a red clown nose with his space suit, and it got worse when he made us stop the countdown at six seconds, screaming, “I need to do number two!”

Models, we’re havin’ a Wingding!

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Okay, fashion show staff, I wanna know who played this little joke, and I wanna know now!

You know what I’m talking about. One of you printed up some “books” with that Microsoft Wingdings font, and told the models there would be a “test” after the show!