Oddly Enough Blog

The last huzzah?

So this is the end. The last post for this blog.

It’s a good thing we’ve said our farewells, because this is also the last day for new comments.

Today, this site freezes in time. You can always revisit it for a little nostalgia, like that old amusement park in the creepy part of town, with all the chains and cobwebs.

Former presidential candidate Herman Cain was fond of telling his supporters, “Stupid people are ruining America!”

Well, maybe that’s true, Herman, but stupid people also provide cheap entertainment, which is a useful service. We should thank them for it, without using any big words.

My readers, my commenters, my friends, you are the best. You can find me on Facebook. Some of you have even found me in person, so please remember I know how to get restraining orders.

When the chips are down, in Wackytown

Say, Blog Guy, I keep reading about those group tours you organize to that place you call Wackytown, the goofiest place on earth.

Right, that’s Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia. Think you’d like to join us on a trip? We’ve got a gambling junket coming up. Why waste your time in Las Vegas when you can go to a Wackytown casino?

Gambling, huh? That sounds like fun, but I also like to keep fit when I’m on vacation.

Then this is the place for you! You can go right from the slopes to the casino without even taking off your ski mask, as you can see here!

Plus, they encourage patrons to take breaks for calisthenics, under the close supervision of personal trainers. Look at these folks doing crunches and sit-ups.

Wait just a bleeping minute. Are you INSANE, Blog Guy? Those are cops arresting gamblers in those pictures. That’s a fricking police RAID!

Suddenly, it’s GREAT to be Ronald!

Blog Guy, awhile back you showed us lots of spam you were getting by mistake. It was meant for a guy named RONALD Basler. He seemed to be having a pretty rough time, what with debt, depression, a leaky roof… Have you checked on him lately?

It’s kind of you to ask. I’m still getting tons of this guy’s spam, but his fortunes seem to have improved.

What makes you say that?

Check out his latest spam, above. It looks like Ron’s got a sweet gig in the lucrative postcard-sending field.

Plus, folks are offering him good deals on cars and insurance, and he might be planning a getaway to Napa.

He seems to be treating himself to nice restaurant meals, even the Outback Steakhouse.

Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!

Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!

Cool! Which tour will you be joining?

It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?

Sure. When it’s winter here, it’s summer in Siberia. At least I think that’s how it works. Plus, they’re in a different time zone.

Ah, you’re the expert. Will we get a chance to shop for some local produce?

Yes, there’s a side trip to buy mushrooms.

Repeat after me, “Fill the bag with money!”

Blog Guy, you know that odd city in Siberia that you call Wackytown? I’d like to visit it on one of your organized tours, but I’m wondering how many people there speak English?

You’re talking about Krasnoyarsk. I do know they do have English Language classes at a high security prison camp.

Really? What sort of English are they teaching to prison inmates?

Well, here on the right is a chart used in the class. You can see useful words such as disarrange, unhappy, misinform… You know, as in, “If you misinform me I will be unhappy, and I shall have to disarrange your face!”

Yikes! Is that a good idea? Are they teaching them whole phrases, too?

Let’s blow up a section of the chart, and see. Class, repeat after me, “Must I go to the BANK? We haven’t got any MONEY.”

Honey, I’m on my way!

Blog Guy, you know that place in Siberia you say is the goofiest place on earth? I think you call it Wackytown, and you organize tours there.

Sure. Krasnoyarsk. There’s no other place like it. You should come with us. What are you looking for?

Well, this is kind of delicate. I like to go where I can find a little honey, if you take my meaning. I love my wife, but, you know…

Wait. Um, are we talking about…

You’re a man of the world, Blog Guy. Do I have to spell it out? I need something sweet, if you catch my drift … Does Wackytown have what I’m looking for?

I believe they do. I can arrange an introduction for you to the Honey Club over there.

Jump now, avoid the crowds!

Blog Guy, I keep reading in your blog about that place in Siberia that you call Wackytown, and I really want to visit there.

You mean Krasnoyarsk. Go there! You probably won’t be sorry. In fact, that’s their exact tourism slogan.

But after learning about their air travel facilities I’m thinking flying there isn’t the best idea. Is there another way to get to Krasnoyarsk?

Sure, by train, but I’m warning you it can be kind of slow and passengers may have to pitch in.

That’s fine with me. Sounds like Amtrak. So what’s there to do when I arrive?

Giant black cloud? How bad could it be?

Blog Guy, I wanted to follow up on an item you had a few days ago, about that gigantic 300-acre “marijuana plantation” that was found by soldiers in Mexico.

What about it?

I was just wondering if it’s possible to rent the plantation for nature study trips. Or fraternity parties.

Nice try. It’s already gone. We have subsequent pictures of troops burning all those crops.

Nooooooo!!!! I mean, gosh, that seems like a waste. All 300 acres of weed, up in smoke…

If it’s any consolation, it produced a monumental smoke cloud, hundreds of miles big, drifting out over the Pacific Ocean.

Bride pride? Taking to the bridal path…

Blog Guy, I was surprised to read your item about that Bridesmaid Festival. Are there any other examples of wedding nostalgia events you’re aware of?

Sure. Over in the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk they just had their annual “Parade of Brides,” where 100 young married women took part in the event to relive their wedding day.

RELIVE THEIR WEDDING DAY? Are you kidding me?

Thanks to my ex-wife’s lawyer I relive my freaking wedding day all year long! It’s gonna take years of therapy to change that.

I’m sorry you’re so bitter about the institution of marriage. Clearly, many people find it joyful to remember such a romantic day.

Hey, wait just a second, Blog Guy! Krasnoyarsk? Isn’t that the place you call “Wackytown?” Isn’t it the city you’ve identified as the goofiest spot on earth?

Just another blood-sucking ski resort?

Blog Guy, you know that city in Siberia that you like to call Wackytown? Didn’t you say you organize tours there, so your readers can see for themselves?

Yes, Krasnoyarsk is the goofiest spot on earth. Maybe you’d like to sign up for my upcoming ski resort holiday there.

Would we have our own ski lift? I hate to wait in long lines for those.

I’ll be honest, you might have to share ski lift space with some sanitary workers.

Do they go there to ski?

Nah, they go to spray pesticide.