Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It’s even more magical than I remembered!

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Sure, Doctor, I had a great childhood! I did all the usual stuff. Why do you ask?

It’s just a routine question we ask in therapy, Blog Guy. What is your very best memory of your early childhood back in Indianapolis?

Well, for a big treat, our folks would take me and my sister to Lamar’s Fun-o-Rama and House o’ Horrors! It was every child’s dream come true.

Good, Blog Guy. Now close your eyes and tell me more about Lamar’s. What do you see?

Get out your dimes, it’s midnight!

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Blog Guy, if my calendar is correct, you’ve got a major event coming up?

Yes, the celebrated Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, here in Washington DC, is ready to launch our big new season the day after Labor Day.

I just don’t understand that. I always thought the big tourist season is in the summer.

If it ain’t broke, don’t call us…

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Hello, thank you for calling Lamar’s Fix-It and Fried Okra Shop. How may I direct your call?

What do you mean direct my call? You have different departments?

No, just the fried okra and repair thing. You know our motto, “If it ain’t broke, we’ll pretend to fix it anyway.”

You’re lacking in your hacking!

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Lamar, get in my office!

What’s up, Boss?

Look, you’ve had enough time! I told you if you want to make it in journalism, you need to hack into some voice messages, and I want to see what you’ve got. We’re on deadline!

I think you’ll be pretty happy, Boss. Look at this one. “It’s me. Pick up tuna fish and vodka on the way home.”

You kids, cut that out!

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Blog Guy, we all know you work with Lamar and your two dogs and two cats, but you hardly ever mention the rest of your blog staff. Give us some information about them.

There’s Ray, the typesetter, Duke, who runs the printing presses, there’s Wall Guy, there’s Kelli the photo editor, there’s Julie, our technical…

For dummies who read this blog…

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Blog Guy, you run a fairly low-tech operation, right? I mean, there’s nothing complicated about doing a humor blog.

You couldn’t be more wrong. We do consumer testing, focus groups, FDA monitoring, all that stuff.

Where could this have come from?

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Jeez, Lamar!

What is it, Boss?

There’s a really, really long, gross, black hair in my lunch! Where the hell did you go for this take-out?

Uttar Pradesh, Boss! I know a really cheap roadside stall there.

But that’s in…  Well, I guess it certainly explains why it took you four days to get back here to Orlando with it.

I guess it must be Sunday again?

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Lamar, come to my office for a minute.

Yeah Boss?

What’s this big stack of goofy photos I found in the wastebasket?

That’s just overflow, Boss. You know, we bought ‘em for the blog but then the writers couldn’t come up with anything clever.

So it’s the fault of the writers?

Of course, Boss. Isn’t everything?

Lamar, we can’t afford this kind of waste! What have I told you to do with leftover goofy photos?

Sorting through Gaddafi’s knick-knacks…

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Guys, listen up! We’ve captured some sort of depot and bunker that belonged to Gaddafi!

This is a great victory for us, but we need to sort through it. Lamar, you keep your squad here and make a list of everything you find.

Where the wild things are?

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Okay, do I have to solve everybody’s problems all by myself?

We have a real news story saying more and more zoos are allowing visitors to spend the night, so they can learn “what happens when the gates slam shut, the sun goes down and the moon rises…”

Really? Again we are faced with schemes created by people who obviously have never seen real-life adventure movies such as “Jurassic Park” or “Snakes on a Plane.”