Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Another case of yellow urinalism?
You know, Lamar, I have to tell you, when we hired Acme Architects to design our new office building, we thought we were getting the very best.
You did? Really? We never said that. Actually, we’re down near the bottom. Is there some problem?
Er, yes, Lamar, we are not 100 percent satisfied with the way you designed the men’s rooms.
Um, vis-à-vis?
Are you serious? Vis-à-vis putting the urinals right up against the windows, which…do I really have to spell it out? We feel there should have been some plumbing involved.
You said my butt looks WHAT?
Lonnie, what were we thinking? I KNEW we shouldn’t have booked a fashion show in Mexico, what with the drug wars, the gang hits, the brazen shootouts all over the place!
It’ll be fine, Boss. Some of the models want to wear Kevlar vests on the runway, but those are pretty fashionable these days.
Are you the models from Moody Judy?
Okay Lamar, we’re back to doing our fashion shows on the cheap, since we blew all that money on supermodels last week.
So, did you find a way to save us money on models for today’s show?
I sure did, Boss. I hired girls with real bad attitude.
How bad?
They gave me a long list of stuff they won’t do.
Like what?
Like smile. Or show any personality. Or wear red lipstick.
Well, just as long as they can walk to the end of the runway and turn around, I’ll be satisfied.
The best TV crime show on the heir?
Okay, you know why we’re here. We owe the network one more high-concept police procedural to match our earlier hits, “Police Pope” and “Monkey See, Monkey Blue.”
So who’s got an idea for us to pitch? Lamar?
Well Boss, the public just can’t get enough of those crime scene forensic science shows.
When pensive gets expensive…
Okay Lamar, the big day has arrived! For once, we’re spending some real money on supermodels for our fashion show, and you’ll see what a difference quality can make.
Now, did you teach them the subtle moves I asked for?
You bet, Boss. Two of them have mastered the intricate “Stand on one stiletto, lift the other foot and smile” maneuver.
Learn touch typing the fun way?
Okay designers, you know the problem. Despite the incredible popularity of computers, a high percentage of men aren’t learning to use a keyboard properly.
We need to teach men to type using the standard QWERTY method, named after the first six letters in the top row. Lamar, you said your group has made some progress?
Juicy fruits in our birthday suits?
Sit down, sir. As your neighborhood bank manager I appreciate you coming to us for your small business loan. Now, tell me a little about your idea.
It’s pretty simple. I plan to launch Lamar’s Buck Naked Door-to-Door Fruit.
Tired of rooting through your purse, girls?
Okay marketing staff, as you know our regular fashions aren’t selling very well, which is why we’ve started inventing NEW articles of clothing and creating a demand.
You will recall that Lamar designed two such items, the Rube Tube and the Skank Top, which were runaway bestsellers. Lamar, what have you got to follow that up with?
Another tragic thinking mishap…
Lamar!
What is it this time, Boss?
There’s smoke coming out of that model’s hair out there on the runway! What’s wrong with her?
I guess that’s my fault, Boss. She was looking for something to read backstage, so I showed her those Reuters Analysis and Opinion things, on my iPad.
No no no, I’m a rocket man…
Okay troops, listen up!
Some of you are new to using different kinds of rockets, so they’ve asked me, a Professor of Grenadery, to teach you some things.
Hey private! You wanna stop using your rocket to pound in that tent stake and come over here?
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