Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Weekend at Bernie’s?
Two days ago I wrote about an auction where the government was going to sell a bunch of stuff belonging to big-time swindler Bernie Madoff, including some of his underwear and a pair of monogrammed slippers…
So just to update you, the auction was yesterday and it raked in more than $2 million. A 10-carat diamond ring alone fetched $550,000.
Believe it or not, somebody paid $6,000 for the Madoff slippers, and a grouping containing the sleazebucket’s underwear and socks went for $1,700. That’s right, $1,700.
The high-rollers who bought those personal items might want to see this transcript from listening devices the government planted in Madoff’s posh New York City home when they were building their case. Here is Bernie and a close business associate:
“Jeez, Bernie! You gonna keep clipping those nauseating twisty yellow toenails? You think I wanna walk on those clippings?”
“Shut your cakehole, Lamar, I’m trying to watch ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?‘ Besides, I’m dropping the clippings in these monogrammed slippers here, so who cares?”
“You’re still disgusting, Bernie. Don’t you ever wash those feet? And another thing. You’ve worn that same pair of stinky undershorts this entire weekend. You’re a frickin’ billionaire! You can’t afford a clean pair?”
There’s no room for non-shooters here!
Lamar, get in my office! Isn’t Vasquez one of your men?
Yes, SIR General Johnson! What can I do for you, SIR!
What’s his problem?
SIR! There is no problem with Vasquez that I’m aware of, SIR!
Then where’s his camera? Doesn’t he know his commander-in-chief is speaking? Why isn’t he shooting photos like everybody else?
SIR, yes SIR! I believe Vasquez is a big fan of President Obama and wanted to concentrate on what he was saying, SIR!
@Spin and Onedoor, I was just thinking that! Maybe Becky and Vasquez are really Cyberdyne Systems model T-69s sent from the future to document the past two American presidencys (presidenci?) for their gag reels!
Mr. B. what is the military designation for the BT-67, the LO-67 Paperweight?
Let’s think this through, Lamar….
Blog Guy! You’ll never believe what I just saw!
Try me. I’ll believe just about anything.
You know Christine O’Donnell, that woman who’s running for the U.S. Senate who “dabbled in witchcraft” and is opposed to people entertaining themselves?
Entertaining themselves?
You know what I mean. Basting the ham… Shucking the corn… Polishing the bayonet… Should I get more specific?
No, please don’t.
Yeh One, well, that does make sense…
Lady, I am sure Lamar has hair, maybe Witchy Christy had something to do with the lack thereof?
We’re going down! Is this blog finished?
Blog Guy, it’s me, your editor. Did you see that incredible season finale of the hit series Mad Men, with that cliffhanger where Don Draper…
Stop, Boss! We don’t allow spoilers here.
Oh. Anyway, I was thinking since your last blog of the season is coming up, you could end it with some cliffhangers so people would come back next season.
Gosh Boss, I wasn’t even aware we HAD blog seasons. Sure, there’s plenty of exciting unresolved stuff going on for regular readers.
The new prototype of my plane, the Basler BT-67, is crossing the Atlantic filled with people on their way to overseas jobs they’ve read about here, see. Like Unexploded Explosives Collectors, Fish Sniffers, Boat Trackers, Chest Checkers.
At the controls is Benedict, the Pilot Pope, but they’re about to crash-land on the Island of Stupid-Looking Bullfighters, who have gone into hiding from those vile Wisconsin Badgers.
Fashion and trashin’ in Oinktown
Lamar, I thought you said we were having our fashion show in the underground parking garage to save money. But it says here we’ll be on the real runway. We’re not made of money.
Boss, I’m all over it. I got us the cheapest spot. They’re practically paying us to take it!
Yeah? What’s wrong with it, then?
It’s the last slot of the day, and it turns out they’re not able to guarantee, uh, you know…
What are you saying, Lamar?
Well, they don’t have a garbage pickup all day, so I guess it can be sort of messy by the end.
I like the shoes… and to be brutally honest, I like that white dress… maybe I AM getting sucked into the white (hat) conspiracy…
Pedaling for the pope…
Fellow archbishops, we all know why we’re here. The Vatican entertainment budget is gone, and it’s only October.
So who has some good ideas for extremely cheap ways to entertain the pope? Yes, Most Reverend Lamar, you raised your hand?
Your Excellency, what about bringing in some “artists” to entertain His Holiness? Has that ever been done here at The Vatican?
Uh, let’s see, according to our records an artist named Michelangelo came here in 1508 and it worked out pretty well. But artists are expensive, Archbishop Lamar.
Not if you just get some bozo off the street and CALL him an artist. What does His Holiness really seem to like?
He enjoys sitting on the porch and watching bicycles go by. He always waves at the riders.
Well, there is currently a revival going on across the street from me. Some little kid is flailing all over the place. He is either dancing or having a fit and waiting to be saved. As I frequently look like I am having a fit when I am dancing, I will not pass judgement.
Love to all,
Sister Merry Bambi
Faster than a speeding locomotive…
Hey Blog Guy, you used to set up test races and stuff like that for your readers, so they could bet on what would beat what. Do you still do that?
Indeed. It’s one of the many fine services that make this the blog you can’t live without.
Well, I was wondering about that high-speed train, the Eurostar. I’d like to find out if it’s faster than a bicycle.
We’re on it. As you can see in the very top photo, a bicycle can actually PASS the Eurostar.
Amazing, thanks! Next, what about small children on scooters?
I’ll be darned, our photo shows the scooters are gaining on the Eurostar.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Nosmo, Lamar lost interest in Alan Bond when Sean Connery left the role….