Oddly Enough Blog

Remember to bring protection, honey

Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

Wow, that sounds kind of harsh. So what did they do wrong?

Well, I can’t be bothered to do research, so I’m just guessing here, but I imagine Poland must have a law against protecting Paris Hilton. I think a number of countries have similar laws.

Today’s reading is from Shooteronomy

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse, so I foolishly thought things might be getting better.

Let’s see here. Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons TO CHURCH, now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms and electric weapons such as stun guns or tasers.

Uh-oh. Does it SOUND like it’s getting better?

I mean, states have been competing to pass the nuttiest weapons laws recently. There was the Florida law limiting what doctors can say to their patients about guns, and both Utah and Arizona voted to create official state firearms.

Maine lawmakers voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents, while Ohio approved a law allowing folks to carry guns into  bars.

But here’s the kicker in Wisconsin. Bishops are urging people not to bring weapons, but they say the decision on whether to ban weapons is up to individual churches.

I Hope You’re Proud Of Yourself!

Hey Blog Guy, it’s September 14th. This is the day you announce the coveted annual I Hope You’re Proud Of Yourself! award.

Yes, I’m sorry for the delay. I was all set to give this year’s trophy to the folks at that Tea Party presidential debate on Monday.

You mean those morons who shouted that an uninsured guy should just be allowed to die? Good choice, Blog Guy!

Not so fast. Then I read about Steven Levine.

Who?

Maybe you’ve heard about the various programs around the country such as Four Legged Advocates, in which very special dogs are used to comfort children who have to testify in court cases.

This gunman goes into a bar, see…

I’m not sure when our state lawmakers  began competing to pass the most wacky weapons laws,  but it’s getting pretty hard to keep up with them.

To recap, in recent days we’ve seen both Utah and Arizona vote to create official state firearms. Meanwhile, lawmakers in Maine voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents.

That brings us to Ohio, where the house of representatives has just approved laws that would give people more rights to carry concealed weapons, including one that allows folks to carry guns into  bars.

Jeez, I hardly know where to begin. My feeling is, if you’re going into a bar where you think you might need a gun, maybe you should upgrade to a nicer bar. Or else just drink at work, like everybody else.

But here’s what really interests me. The Ohio bill prohibits the person carrying the gun from drinking alcohol at the same time.

So wait a minute. Here’s a law aimed at helping people who want to go to a bar that is so sleazy they need to take a gun, but they’re not supposed to drink when they get there?

Stilettos making a comeback?

I just can’t make up stuff like this. I sure wish I could, but I can’t.

Maine lawmakers have approved legalizing switchblades for people with one arm.

Our story says this will keep one-armed people from having to open folding knives with their teeth in emergencies. Really.

Do we need this law? There are scarcely over a million people living in Maine. How many of them could be one-armed?

Lord help me, I’m tempted to say only a handful.

No offense to one-armed Mainers at all, but if they need to use a knife at home they can open the drawer and take one out, just like people with numerous arms would do, right?

So now we’ve reduced the pool of impacted parties to one-armed Maine residents who are away from home and having some kind of knife emergency.