Wouldn’t you love to see underwear from the very most famous person in Belgium?

Well no, I don’t actually know who that is. I was hoping you would.

Anyway, an artist in Brussels has just opened the Musee du Slip, featuring framed underwear donated by mostly Belgian artists, singers and politicians.

Each pair must have been worn at least once by the donor.  I’m hoping it’s been washed, too.

Not just content to display the underpants of famous Belgians, the artist hopes to get underwear from France’s first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Cripes, I have restraining orders to show that isn’t as easy as it sounds.

The artist says he would also like some undies from the pope, “Or the Iranian president. People would queue to see that.”

Maybe they would, but only in Belgium.

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File photo of top model Carla Bruni presenting this long fake fur coat worn with matching underpants in a 1994 file photo. REUTERS/ Christine Grunnet

Belgian Jan Bucquoy displays a photo of French President Nicolas Sarkozy wearing a pair of striped underpants on his head at the Underpants Museum in Brussels, July 17, 2009. REUTERS/Thierry Roge

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Blog Guy, I could use some travel advice. I’m going to Israel tomorrow, and I need to know what clothes to pack. I want to blend in, and not take a lot of stuff I won’t wear.

Four words for you. Fruit of the Loom.

Huh?

I checked the last few photos we have showing people in Israel, and it seems all they wear this time of year is underwear.

Gosh, I had the impression they were a little more modest than that.

You’d be pretty embarrassed, showing up with all kinds of shirts and pants, only to find everybody else nearly naked.

I can’t thank you enough! I’m done packing, and I’ve got nothing but a carry-on with all my undies. I’m ready for the Holy Land! Oops, I almost forgot! I should keep out one pair of briefs for the flight over, huh? Boy, Israeli customs must be a breeze!

Yeah, that’s what people say. Send me a postcard.

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Israelis wearing underwear wait for a photo shoot organized by the underwear maker Sloggi in Tel Aviv’s Dizengoff Square, May 27, 2009. REUTERS/ Baz Ratner

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It’s time again for Fashion Mailbag, where we solve readers’ unusual wardrobe dilemmas.

Earl, from Utah, writes, “I have a problem with nose hair. Mine grows very fast, like six inches in an evening, until matted black tufts dangle in my soup. Help!

Well Earl, this new creation here offers an attractive, battery-operated nose hair trimmer that you can use casually while making dinner smalltalk. The suit is nice, too, if you live in 1971.

Sally, from Alabama, has a multi-tasking query: “Bob, I’m a stripper, but I also give college commencement addresses. Is there any way to combine  the gown and garter, so to speak?”

Yes. The outfit below offers classic striptease elements, integrated with a formal graduation gown. Go from graduation to bachelor party in one night!

There’s even a special pocket for your honorary degree, if  you’re not speaking at Arizona State University.

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Models present creations by Kazakhstan’s Kenje design house during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, May 15, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Shamil Zhumatov

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I’m doing a survey on media photo coverage of sports. May I ask a few questions?

Sure, if I can go ahead and watch my “Hogan’s Heroes” reruns while we talk.

Okay. How many shots did you move of the Hurricanes-Bruins game yesterday?

Let’s see. Looks like 30, 31… 32 shots!

Good. And the Rockets-Lakers game?

I find 20 from that one.

Okay, now football. What about the tryouts for the Lingerie Football League’s expansion team yesterday?

I count 17 shots.

Aha! So 32 shots for a hockey game but only 17 for lingerie football. How do you think that’s going to look in my survey?

Pretty bad, I guess. Can you PLEASE give us another chance to make it up? Look, here’s a slideshow of all 17 lingerie photos!

Well okay, but you’ll need to send me the high-resolution versions.

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Women participate in first day of tryouts for the Lingerie Football League’s expansion team the New York Majesty, in Freeport, New York, May 14, 2009. REUTERS/Shannon Stapleton

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Every so often an idea comes along that is so awful it makes me wonder why there isn’t a “Bad Idea Hall of Fame” or maybe a “Bad Idea Olympics.”

Meet the “marriage hunting” bra, unveiled today in Tokyo.

It features a digital marriage countdown clock and, being a bra, it is worn around the midriff. I’m not making this up.

Gleefully, I imagine what happens when some potential husband out on a date thinks he’s getting to second base. Fumbling in the darkness he runs across the digital countdown readout and other circuitry, and…

The drama potential here is just too indescribably delicious.

“Honey, will you be my wife? That’s wonderful! Let’s head to the airport right now, so we can fly off to meet my family!”

Video report on the bra

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A model displays lingerie maker Triumph International’s new “Konkatsu Bra”, literally meaning “marriage hunting” bra, during an unveiling in Tokyo May 13, 2009. The bra features a marriage countdown clock showing the marriage deadline set by the wearer and when an engagement ring is inserted between the cups the melody of “The Wedding March” is played to celebrate the engagement. The characters on the bra read, “now hunting for a husband”.
REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

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Here’s my favorite euphemism of 2009, so far. Our photo caption says these lingerie models are at a fashion show, and it calls this crowd of men “fashion buyers.”

Huh? You mean these dudes snapping photos with their cellphones and cheap cameras until their knuckles bleed?

I guess these businessmen are just getting some professional quality shots for their glossy spring catalogs.

“Hey, Lonnie! Wanna go to the game?”

“Nah, I’m takin’ my camera phone down to the lingerie show and tellin’ them I’m a fashion buyer.”

“Fashion buyer! Lingerie! Caramba! You are quite a rascal, Lonnie!”

“Heh, heh, heh… Don’t tell the missus…”

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Fashion buyers look on as models wear lingerie designed by St. Even Lingerie during Colombiatex Fashion Show in Medellin, January 29, 2009. REUTERS /Albeiro Lopera

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Blog Guy, give us the list of the most popular items in your blog for November. A lot of us continue to wager on this stuff, and all my Christmas money is riding on this!

Okay, if  you were smart enough to figure out that Barack Obama was a pretty big story in November, you’re halfway there.

Here’s the top five list, and three of them - including number one and two - were Obama-related.

Yippee! I win! Little Timmy and what’s-her-name can have a Christmas! But why are you illustrating this item with Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show photos?

I’ve got thousands of these things. What else am I gonna do with them?

5. Sir, your glasses will be ready in 1162

4. You see this doorknob, Barack?

3. The hassle of sex? Not again!

2, Is that Obama in a mullet haircut?

1. We’re worried about your daughter!

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Victoria’s Secret models at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2008 in Miami Beach, Florida, November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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KRAMER: Mansiere?
FRANK: That’s right. A brassiere for a man. The Mansiere, get it?

Once again, pop culture was way ahead of what some folks like to call reality.

Everybody remembers the classic Seinfeld episode about The Mansiere.

Now, a Japanese online lingerie retailer is selling bras for cross-dressing men, and they’ve quickly become one of its most popular items. I am not making this up.

I just hope this thing comes with detailed instructions, because while most guys have had experience unhooking bras, actually fastening them is not something they’re familiar with.

Man bra slideshow Man bra video

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Above: Seinfeld screen grab

Below: Wishroom Representative Director Masayuki Tsuchiya puts on his company’s men’s bra in Tokyo November 22, 2008. REUTERS/Toru Hanai

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Congratulate me, Blog Guy!

Why?

I enlisted in the Navy!

Awesome. Which one?

There’s more than one?

Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.

And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.

Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles…  But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.

Jeez Louise! Is it too late for me to…

Yep.

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Victoria’s Secret models arrive on a yacht to the Fontainebleau resort in Miami Beach November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Blog Guy, your blogs about the lesser-known Olympics events have been eye-opening. Thanks for being the only one to write about Bare-Knuckle Self-Fighting, while the Mainstream Media just crams swimming down our throats. What else aren’t we seeing?

Well, I’m a huge fan of the Equestrian Jump-Over-it-Yourself event. This is where a horse gallops up to the fence, stops suddenly, and throws its rider over. It’s a very complex maneuver, and to get the most points, the riders have to look like they’re not expecting it.

Sheesh! I’m e-mailing NBC to demand coverage! Is there more stuff they’re hiding?

Absolutely. For instance, the so-called television coverage ignores my very favorite event, Women’s Stiletto-Heel Lingerie Slap-Boxing. You be sure to mention that in your e-mail to the network, and tell ‘em you saw it here.

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New Zealand’s Katie McVean falls off Forest after he refused to jump a fence during the equestrian jumping individual first qualifier at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games in Hong Kong August 15, 2008. REUTERS/ Caren Firouz

Models play a game on the catwalk during “Hot in The City” lingerie collection in Sydney, August 15, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

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