Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Here’s my favorite euphemism of 2009, so far. Our photo caption says these lingerie models are at a fashion show, and it calls this crowd of men “fashion buyers.”
Huh? You mean these dudes snapping photos with their cellphones and cheap cameras until their knuckles bleed?
I guess these businessmen are just getting some professional quality shots for their glossy spring catalogs.
“Hey, Lonnie! Wanna go to the game?”
“Nah, I’m takin’ my camera phone down to the lingerie show and tellin’ them I’m a fashion buyer.”
Blog Guy, give us the list of the most popular items in your blog for November. A lot of us continue to wager on this stuff, and all my Christmas money is riding on this!
FRANK: That’s right. A brassiere for a man. The Mansiere, get it?
Once again, pop culture was way ahead of what some folks like to call reality.
Everybody remembers the classic Seinfeld episode about The Mansiere.
Now, a Japanese online lingerie retailer is selling bras for cross-dressing men, and they’ve quickly become one of its most popular items. I am not making this up.
I enlisted in the Navy!
Awesome. Which one?
There’s more than one?
Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.
And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.
Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles… But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.
Blog Guy, your blogs about the lesser-known Olympics events have been eye-opening. Thanks for being the only one to write about Bare-Knuckle Self-Fighting, while the Mainstream Media just crams swimming down our throats. What else aren’t we seeing?
Well, I’m a huge fan of the Equestrian Jump-Over-it-Yourself event. This is where a horse gallops up to the fence, stops suddenly, and throws its rider over. It’s a very complex maneuver, and to get the most points, the riders have to look like they’re not expecting it.
Anybody can see this isn’t a costume, it’s just skimpy underwear and some kind of cheesy wings that look like they were made from from a bunch of Kleenex! Who the heck wants to see Flying Lingerie Lady fighting crime in her silly Kleenex wings?
As you may have read, a woman is suing Victoria’s Secret because she says she was hurt by her thong panties when a metal clip holding a rhinestone flew off and hit her in the eye.
Personal injury is a very serious thing. Still, if this comes to trial she’s probably going to have to show how it happened in court. I can see lawyers, jurors and the judge all wearing industrial goggles to protect their eyes while the woman pulls on thongs every which way, trying to duplicate the sharp zing of flying rhinestones.
Yes, Switzerland has succeeded in keeping its young men and women very interested in staying on the farm, working long hours for low wages.
This company keeps trying to design bras that do something extra. You may remember their chopstick bra or their shopping bag bra or their get-out-the-vote bra. The new designs never generate anything other than free publicity, which duh, I guess is the point.
So this time it’s a solar panel bra which can recharge your cell phone or iPod. Of course, the bra needs to be exposed to light in order to work, and a chick walking around outdoors in an exposed brassière may have more serious problems than a dead phone battery.
Quick quiz: The woman in this photo is…
the spunky daughter from an affair between the Tin Man and Pippi Longstocking
“Carley Marley,” from an all-female stage adaptation of “A Christmas Carol”
rethinking her choice of a career as a refrigerator magnet
about to spend the next 36 hours answering questions in airport security
thinking, “Thank GOD nobody ever Googles the word lingerie!”