Oddly Enough Blog

Bride pride? Taking to the bridal path…

Blog Guy, I was surprised to read your item about that Bridesmaid Festival. Are there any other examples of wedding nostalgia events you’re aware of?

Sure. Over in the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk they just had their annual “Parade of Brides,” where 100 young married women took part in the event to relive their wedding day.

RELIVE THEIR WEDDING DAY? Are you kidding me?

Thanks to my ex-wife’s lawyer I relive my freaking wedding day all year long! It’s gonna take years of therapy to change that.

I’m sorry you’re so bitter about the institution of marriage. Clearly, many people find it joyful to remember such a romantic day.

Hey, wait just a second, Blog Guy! Krasnoyarsk? Isn’t that the place you call “Wackytown?” Isn’t it the city you’ve identified as the goofiest spot on earth?

Love Hmong the Ruins, a very goofy year

After all the various lists of best stories and photos and signs of the Apocalypse and bad fashion and stuff, this blog all comes down to fun.

I just get a special enjoyment from doing some items, and I hope it shows. Sometimes it’s because people do real things that you would never imagine. Other times a photo or germ of an idea just makes me laugh and I take off with it.

Some of the year’s highlights for me:

Hollywood still hasn’t sent my $4 million check for it yet, but one of the best true yarns of the year was the “love market” for ethnic Hmong people in Vietnam.

On one day a year, married men and women wait for the return of their former lovers with whom they can meet again without jealousy from their spouses.  That’s right. Folks meet up with former lovers, and get a one-day free pass from their spouses. I couldn’t invent something like that if I tried.

Once again, my initial question remains unanswered: Do the spouses in this village not have access to machetes, pipe wrenches or rat poison?

French kissing? Call ze Love Police!

Blog Guy, I need some travel advice. My wife and I want to go someplace really romantic, where folks are free to be very much in love. Any suggestions?

Of course. I’m an incurable romantic, too. I’d say Paris. City of lights, city of love…

Look at this photo above. A young couple, very much in love, and the urge to express their feelings hits them right in the middle of a busy street. It’s just like that romantic Beatles song.

“Michelle?“

No. “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?“

Anyway, you try doing that most places, and cars will just run right over you. Won’t even slow down. Don’t even get me started on what happens if you try it in downtown Hong Kong. But in Paris, the Love Police swoop in, stop traffic on a busy street, and let them enjoy the moment without being bothered.

Congratulations, you may now wake the bride

Help me, Blog Guy, I think my marriage may be in trouble.

I’m not sure my wife still loves me. She doesn’t pay attention, she tunes me out, she frequently falls asleep when I’m talking….

Now, now, young man, there are adjustments to be made in every relationship. How long have you two been married?

Twenty minutes.

Oh. Well, a wedding day is stressful, especially for the bride. It’s quite common for a woman to be exhausted after the ceremony, and maybe catch a quick nap.

She fell asleep in the middle of the vows, Blog Guy.

Best of May: stormy weather and bygone romance

It’s time for the official statistics revealing this blog’s most popular items for May, and I’m proud to note that readers didn’t just go for cheap yuks, they went for the high-class stuff, too.

Like for instance, my hard-hitting piece on the Census folks’ search for secret apartment houses, and the one about increasing food supply by growing rice in brassieres.

They enjoyed our etiquette tips on dining out with the boss, which I imagine were useful to anyone raised by wolves.

Readers also showed an interest in our neighbor to the north, reading about such Canadian traditions as poutine-eating and shop-looting.

Most gratifying of all, the month’s number one item was my human interest yarn about the Love Market in Vietnam, where you can meet former lovers for one day a year and your spouse isn’t allowed to be jealous. This is the one I’m selling to Hollywood for $4 million, so somebody had better get busy writing that check.

Here they are, the top 10:

10. Dining with the boss, 101

I’m running down to the love market, Honey!

Here is a story idea which Hollywood is going to buy from me for maybe four million dollars, so don’t tell anyone else.

These are ethnic Hmong people waiting for lovers at a “love market” in Vietnam. The captions say that on one day a year, ”married men and women wait for the return of their former lovers with whom they can meet again without jealousy from their spouses…”

Are you fricking kidding me? Can we run through this deal again, more slowly?

So married men and women meet up with former lovers, and get a one-day free pass from their spouses?

Do the spouses in this village not have access to machetes, pipe wrenches or rat poison?

How does this annual conversation even go down, anyway?

Hi, you must be Paddington’s mom!

Blog Guy, I have a question about classic children’s literature.

Sure. I once interviewed Maurice Sendak. He was great! He told me his favorite children’s book was…

Who cares what he said? My kids love Paddington, that cute bear from “darkest Peru,” with his iconic brush hat. They wanna know what happened to his family.

It’s sad. Since his books made so much money, two women claimed to be his mother. Both go around in hats like his to exploit the resemblance.

Each mother claims she wrote the famous note, “Please look after this bear,” but they get the wording wrong.

One says she wrote, “Please look after this bear and if he gets rich, text me.”

Father’s Day salute to Bad Dad!

Happy Father’s Day, Blog Guy! What’s the thing that makes you think most about fathers and sons on this special day? Baseball? Fishing?

Television. Especially classic TV, when Dad came home from the office in a suit and kept it on until bedtime, and maybe didn’t even take it off then. To me, nothing says father like a scripted dad getting paid to love his pretend kids.

This week, there was an event reuniting make-believe good TV dads and former child actors. But it ignored the more interesting bad dads, like Tony Soprano, Archie Bunker, Homer Simpson…

And there’s Bryan Cranston, a mediocre father in “Malcolm in the Middle” and now, in “Breaking Bad,” a dad who makes and sells major supplies of crystal meth. Gee Dad, you’re the greatest!

Don’t you think Tony Soprano was the worst-ever TV dad?

Are you kidding me? I guess you don’t watch “The Tudors.” Tony Soprano was a regular Andy Griffith compared with Henry VIII.

“Daddy, I’m leaving the castle to go Christmas shopping for mommy!”

The most romantic wedding spot on earth?

I guess every couple in love wants to be Romeo and Juliet. To refresh your memory, Juliet was a 13-year-old girl who couldn’t marry her boyfriend, so she takes a potion that makes her seem dead, then he finds her and takes poison, and when she wakes up and sees his body she stabs herself to death.

What young love bugs wouldn’t want a relationship like that?

Now modern lovers can have the ultimate romantic thrill, getting married on the balcony in the 13th century mansion thought to be the home of the Capulets of Shakespeare’s tragedy, ‘West Side Story.’

This is big stuff for incurable romantics. If it’s a success, there’s no end to the mawkishly tragic romantic shrines of pop culture that can offer the same deal.

“Honey, have you thought about where we should hold the wedding? I want someplace really romantic!

“I’m thinking like that air strip in ‘Casablanca.’ Or the cave in ‘The English Patient.’ Or you know, that Moscow tram from ‘Dr. Zhivago.”’

“Well wait, sweetie, don’t forget that covered bridge in Madison County… Or the Titanic. Is that still around?”

I’m calling this ring Mini Pearl!

From Switzerland comes news that a Hong Kong tycoon who bought a flawless blue diamond for a record $9.5 million has now named it the “Star of Josephine.”************I’m not sure why this is important. Naming jewelry is no big deal. For years, my wife has been naming the tokens of affection I’ve given her on romantic occasions.******It started with her engagement ring, an admittedly very modest ruby which she christened the Dinky Pinky.******Soon, the Dinkster was joined by a diamond named Mr. Chips, followed by a pearl she calls, well, Poor Pitiful Pearl.******These adornments now share space in her jewelry box alongside El Shrimpo, Mr. Measly and Li’l Sapphire. Last Christmas, they were joined by Pretty Boy Flawed. So take that, Josephine!***

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************Model displays the diamond during an auction preview in Geneva May 6, 2009. It was found in 2008 and weighs 7.03 carats. The buyer will have the honor of naming the diamond as the first owner of the stone. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse***

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