Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

“You may now kiss the bride.” “No thanks.”

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Blog Guy, I’m planning a June wedding and I’d like it to have a sophisticated feel. Are there any foreign wedding customs we might want to use?

Well, in Romania the brides all go sit out on the curb and smoke a butt together on the big day.

Ewwww. Why do they do that?

I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s because more and more churches in Romania are becoming no-smoking.

Also, I believe there were some unpleasant accidents when brides tried smoking during the ceremony while they were veiled.

Maybe the worst idea EVER?

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Every so often an idea comes along that is so awful it makes me wonder why there isn’t a “Bad Idea Hall of Fame” or maybe a “Bad Idea Olympics.”

Meet the “marriage hunting” bra, unveiled today in Tokyo.

It features a digital marriage countdown clock and, being a bra, it is worn around the midriff. I’m not making this up.

Honey, will you marry… Ewwwww!

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So now they’re selling a diamond and gold-leaf “carat cake” as a $2,500 gift for guys to give when they propose marriage. I see disaster ahead.

“Honey, we’ve been dating for two years, and I have something to ask you…

You love me in red, Fred?

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“Honey, should I wear my red dress tonight, or my…”

“Yes…”

There you have it. An actual conversation that proves men like red stuff on women. And yet, Reuters reports on a new study that spent $40 million to see if red was more of a turn-on for men than, say, dark brown.

That figure is just a rough guess, you understand, since I have no idea what it really cost.

51 Ways to Leave Your Lover…

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Congratulations, it’s your wedding day!

Sure, as the groom, you may have cold feet, it’s only natural. Like maybe you’re afraid to take the plunge because oh, let’s just say for instance you remembered you’re already married to someone else.

So on the morning of the wedding you go talk reasonably to your bride-to-be, or her parents, or your clergyman, right?

She’s wanton to pose for a cover

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fashion-harlequin-wanton-160.jpgBlog Guy, my dream is to be a book cover model for Harlequin historical romances. But if you have to bring your own wardrobe, I don’t know where to get the right stuff. Can you help?

Sure. I know about this because my sister does the same thing. She modeled for the covers of such historical romance classics as “Taming of the Pioneer Wagon Girl,” “Donner Party Seductress” and “Harlot at the OK Corral.”

Presenting the Veiled Threat!

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Blog Guy, I was supposed to be married, but my fian stood me up at the altar and took off with my best friend. What can I do to express my anger?

Fortunately, you no longer need to suffer in silence when you’re “jilt to the hilt,” thanks to a fashion creation called the Veil of Tears.

I wish to file for 82 divorces, please…

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From Nigeria, a story about this guy with 86 wives. Not surprisingly, he’s having some legal problems.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say I have financial interests in Nigeria. I’m helping a certain prince move large sums of cash and gold out of that country, thanks to a lucky e-mail opportunity. I expect to be very rich, very soon.

What a thoughtful wedding gift! Part of a horse!

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Folks, we got a wedding to plan! Who’s giving away the bride? The proud father?

No, Salvatore’s in prison.

toto-couple-2-200.jpgHow about the bride’s Uncle Leoluca or her brother Gianni?

Prison.

Um, her brother Giuseppe?

Prison. No, wait! I think Giuseppe got out! HE can give her away!

Welcome to the tribulations of planning a wedding in Sicily for the daughter of a former “boss of bosses.” And it only gets worse.

But you’re totally blue, Liu!

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tattoo-2-180.jpgDaddy, your little girl has big news! I’ve met Mr. Right, and after a whirlwind romance, we got married!

Ming is already in show business, sort of, but he plans to be either a TV news anchor or maybe a dermatologist.