Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Do they ALWAYS say ’til death do us part?

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bridal-2-crop-140.jpgWell Mom, at long last, meet Patty – my sweet bride! Oh, I think Patty likes you, Mom! She doesn’t usually smile that much. Patty is too shy to tell you herself, but see those white doves in her hair? She shot them herself!

The flour make-up was her idea. She says it will cut the chances anybody will recognize her from our wedding photos.

I mean, sure, Patty has paid her debt to society. But you know Mom, it’s just like she always says, “If they want to find a body in your backyard bad enough, they’ll find it!”

Just think, Mom, in an hour, she’ll be family!

Bridal fashion slideshow:

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A model presents a creation from Victorio & Lucchino collection at Barcelona Bridal Week fashion show May 28, 2008. REUTERS/Albert Gea

Who loves you, baby?

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Blog Guy, I know you like to stop being obnoxious every so often and show a soft side, with cute animal pictures and stuff like that. How about doing something nice for Mothers Day, so I can e-mail it to my mom instead of buying a card?

Well, maybe just this once. In fact, I tucked away this wonderful photo back in March, with exactly this occasion in mind. But don’t worry, the Express Train to Hell will stop here bright and early on Monday, as usual.

Another chance to be pompous!

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smart-140.jpg ”You aren’t too smart. I like that in a man…”
- great line from the movie “Body Heat”

There has never been a better time to be a show off. Just last week I posted an item about a new magazine called Snob. And now, here we are with a special online dating service just for really, really  smart people.

One burger to a customer, pal!

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burgers-120.jpgHey blog guy, I’m planning my wedding for June, and I’m on a tight budget. I know you’ve been a professional event planner. Can you give me some money-saving some tips?

Sure. Here are four ideas that really work… 

 1) Print your own invitations. It’s cheaper, plus you can put the wrong address on some and the wrong date on others, cutting the reception crowd in half. 

Must be a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation class!

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kiss.jpgHere in America, we have a saying, “pulling a fast one.” Let me try to give an example.

Okay. Say some French dudes gather 100 people together to set a record for a human chain of French kissing, and then start going at it.

Remake more splish than splash?

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splash-160.jpgAfter recently breaking huge stories about remakes of “The Birds” and “The Great Escape,” this blog has more Hollywood news. It turns out they’ve done a cheap remake of the 1984 Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah mermaid hit, “Splash.”

There are worrisome questions about whether the costume designer was wise to cover the female star from chin to floor. As the publicity photo below shows, she looks more like one of those big sea lions than Hannah’s sexy, playful mermaid.

The way you look tonight…

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Some day, when I’m awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You’re lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight…

Proposing marriage is not an outdoor sport

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This guy decides to ask his girlfriend to marry him, so how does he do it?

    He gives her a $12,000 ring at home, with a cozy fire in the fireplace and a bottle of champagne chilling? He gives her a $12,000 ring at their favorite restaurant, over a perfect creme brulee? He puts a $12,000 ring in a helium balloon and takes it outside to hand it to her on a windy day?

Maybe you see where this is going. The balloon was last spotted drifting high over London.

Cripes! I’m surprised he didn’t suck in some of that helium himself and propose in a high squeaky voice! In our story, he says he feels like “such a plonker.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds about right.

Valentine to a four-eyed model

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roses-180.jpgAll I get are nice surprises,
As I gaze into your eyeses,
If my counting is correct,
You’ve twice the number I’d expect

I have made a big decision,
To love a gal with extra vision
Tender words to you I speak,
Will you be my Valen-freak?

“I do! Now may I tissue?”

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Jennifer Cannon married her Prince Charmin yesterday, and the couple started their new life together on a roll. They were wed in the Charmin Restrooms in New York’s romantic Times Square, and Jennifer wore a dress made from seven rolls of toilet paper. 

They seem to have gone overboard with that old superstition that on her big special day, a bride should wear “Something old, something new, something borrowed and something poo.”