Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Who sang Funkytown? Who sang Funkytown? Who…

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pickup-200.jpgThis dude wrote a book about picking up women. He says he was named “world’s greatest pickup artist” for three years. I never won that title, and didn’t even know there was a contest. But the thing is, this expert’s advice just sounds funny.

Take rule number one: When you walk into a room look like you are having fun and don’t look around for attractive women. Now, if you see a guy walk in by himself looking like he’s “having fun,” you’re probably going to wonder what he’s on, and why he isn’t looking for attractive women like the other guys are, right?

Rule number two: Have a simple question to ask people, like who sings a certain song, so you can move around the room easily. This cracks me up. When women learn this guy is asking who sang Funkytown, over and over, they’re gonna think he has attention deficit disorder, which may not make him a chick-magnet.

The expert says even if a guy is really obese, he should just spray on a tan and put on jewelry, and he’ll get women. Right. They’ll be, like, “Who’s that rotund guy with jaundice, and why is his man-jewelry so oily-looking?” Here’s our story, by Belinda Goldsmith:

Bewitch me! I’ll bewitch you in a minute!

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Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze
- Amanda Cross

glamour-face-160.jpgI’ll never forget the first time I saw that model, as beguiling as Miss Grundy from Archie Comics, with the confident swagger of a deluxe Mrs. Potatohead. A sleeveless Ed Norton-style vest, a Hallmark birthday ribbon in her hair, and glasses big enough to read a book with, if she were into that kind of thing.

“You said let’s visit Spain and meet chicks, Floyd!”

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“Well, Mr. Know-It-All, this is a fine mess. You said, let’s run down this alley, and they’ll go for that dude standing in the doorway! How does that seem to be workin’ for us so far?

“And you were the smarty-pants who said we could yell anything we wanted in English, because bulls only know Spanish! I guess maybe they have a damned foreign phrase book, ya think?

Thanks for coming, now go quickly…

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brideface140.jpgDear Blog Guy,
I need some advice on planning my wedding, and naturally you’re the first person I thought of. Everything is so expensive! Can you give some tips on ways to cut costs without seeming to be cheap?
Happy Bride

Sure, and congratulations. Many couples these days are offering speed-receptions – that is, wedding receptions that last only six minutes. As you can see in these photos, guests are stuffing their cake-holes as fast as they can, up against the deadline.

How to be a gentleman in a stampede…

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Dear Blog Guy,
You seem to know quite a bit about unusual social situations. I’ve asked a nice girl to go with me to run with the bulls. Any tips on what chicks expect on a date like this?
Curious

Yes, there are some rules of etiquette. For instance, notice this guy, who seems about to be squashed. His right arm offers firm support for the young woman, as he averts his gaze from her turquoise panties that are riding up. He makes diplomatic smalltalk about where they might go to dinner later, if chewing is still an option for them.

Gosh, eternity used to seem a lot longer…

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Dear Blog Guy,
My soul mate and I want to do something to symbolize our eternal love. You seem to be a man of the world, what do you suggest?
Smitten

Well, Smitten, Rome is maybe the most romantic city in the world, and lots of lovers there have recently been putting padlocks on lampposts, then throwing the keys into the Tiber River, so the locks will be there forever. Very romantic.

Another wife? Sweeties, I was just joking!

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Some people just lack a sense of humor. Take this guy in Saudi Arabia who was talking to his two wives, and he said – yes, he is allowed to have several wives over there – and he said to them that maybe it was time he got a third wife.

So they bit off part of his nose and he had to have seven stitches.

I never realized they would get so worked up,” the guy said. That’s an actual quote. Here’s the story:

Can’t we just be friends, Sarjeet?

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hurt300.jpgDear Blog Guy,
My sweetie left me, and I’m really bummed. I know you see stuff from all over the world, and I thought you might know some way for me to get over her.
Dumped and Depressed

Well Dumped, some people go public with their pain. Now, you take Sarjeet Yadav.  When the woman of his dreams left him, he channeled his heartbreak into a crowd-pleasing display of masochism. So now he’s in show biz, breaking lightbulbs and bottles on himself, rolling in glass, pouring chili powder in his wounds…

Judging a book by the cover stud

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Don’t tell anyone the big secret, but I guess the folks who publish Harlequin romances can’t just rely on breathtaking plot twists, multi-layered characters and gripping prose to sell enough of their books. That’s where guys with no shirts come in.

This weekend, Harlequin representatives went looking for “regular” dudes they might want to use as models for their book covers, checking out about 200 men at a Toronto casting house.

Heavy petting online: love me, love my dogs…

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If you decide to go on a date with somebody you met on the Internet, it’s probably easier to hide the fact that you’re already married than it is to keep pets a secret. There’s hair on everything you wear, you have those sticky lint rollers in your car, and when you dig in your pockets for money you pull out plastic bags for cleaning up after your dog.

So, you may as well be honest about it up front, which is where a new Dutch dating site comes in handy. Inspired by similar sites in the U.S. and Britain, it is specifically aimed at finding a partner who is compatible with your dog, cat, snake or spider.