Oddly Enough Blog

Boy, this comes as quite a surprise…

I am in the wrong damned business. I need to get one of those sweet gigs doing scientific “studies.”

But it has to be just the right “study,” where the results back up what everybody already thinks. If your “study” rocks the boat, then people take a closer look and find out you spent your whole grant on remodeling your guest bathroom, and you’re in trouble.

A recent study by Texas researchers has found guys who wear expensive clothes and drive flashy cars are more successful at having flings and staying single. Right. Hold on to your hats.

“Women seem to understand that when they see a man who has chosen to spend money conspicuously, they think he would be more interesting as a date,” the researcher said.

I gather “interesting as a date” is a euphemism meaning the chick won’t have to climb on a city bus and go eat at a White Castle.

This shocking news is a lot for me to absorb. It may explain why, years ago, it took six months for me to find out the passenger door in my brown Chevy Nova didn’t even open.

Bride pride? Taking to the bridal path…

Blog Guy, I was surprised to read your item about that Bridesmaid Festival. Are there any other examples of wedding nostalgia events you’re aware of?

Sure. Over in the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk they just had their annual “Parade of Brides,” where 100 young married women took part in the event to relive their wedding day.

RELIVE THEIR WEDDING DAY? Are you kidding me?

Thanks to my ex-wife’s lawyer I relive my freaking wedding day all year long! It’s gonna take years of therapy to change that.

I’m sorry you’re so bitter about the institution of marriage. Clearly, many people find it joyful to remember such a romantic day.

Hey, wait just a second, Blog Guy! Krasnoyarsk? Isn’t that the place you call “Wackytown?” Isn’t it the city you’ve identified as the goofiest spot on earth?

Bridesmaid Festival, attendants required?

Blog Guy, I have a common problem. I’ve been a bridesmaid in three weddings this year alone, and I don’t know what to do with all my stupid bridesmaid dresses.

I mean, they’re all hideous and I can’t wear them anyplace. There must be something they’re good for.

You could pack them up, fly to Spain and wear them at the annual International Bridesmaid Festival, seen here in these photos.

I didn’t even know about the Bridesmaid Festival! It looks like a great way to get one more use out of these stupid, expensive gowns. Can you tell me more?

Well, I’m much too lazy to do actual research, but I can look at the photos and guess what’s going on.

I suppose they have bachelorette parties, do funny stuff to their hair and drink lots of Kahlua.

Five tips that could save your marriage

Maybe you saw that actor Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans after an argument with his wife. He was booked on suspicion of domestic abuse battery, disturbing the peace and public drunkenness.

What intrigued me was that the police said Cage and his wife were standing in front of a home and arguing about whether it was where they lived.

Well, I can get behind that in a big way. If there’s one thing my wife and I always argue about, it’s which house is ours.

Honey, this is our place! No, our house is on another street! Hold on, it’s that green one! Wait, this isn’t even our city!

Because I’ve been through this so often, I’ve devised some helpful tricks. They’ve saved my marriage, and maybe they’ll work for other guys:

• Look in your pocket. If you have a key to the front door, it’s probably your house.
• Check the address on your diver’s license to see if the numbers match the ones on the door.
• Use your cell phone to dial your home number, then listen carefully for a ring inside the house.
• Go to nearby homes and ask the neighbors if you look familiar.
• Stumble back to the bar. Another drink could help jog your memory.