Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Get whiter teeth, with twice the pain
Blog Guy, I read about a place in France that has made great strides in whitening teeth. Can you tell me more?
You’re in luck. I don’t actually read French, but then again I can make up stuff from looking at photos no matter where they were taken.
It scares me to death that that makes any sense to me at all, Blog Guy. So how does this method work?
I believe the technique involves biting on a gel-filled mouthpiece, which reacts to ultraviolet light.
Jeez Blog Guy, if you’re going to invent outrageous stuff, try to make it believable!
I’m so sorry, let me try it again. It looks to me as though the technique involves pulling ALL your teeth, mounting them on upright posts, bleaching them all to the same shade, and then painfully screwing them back into your mouth, one excruciating twist at a time.
Think she’ll notice if we take her purse?
Lamar, where did you get the models for today’s fashion show?
From my psychiatrist. They’re all in therapy for various things, so they’re happy to have the work.
Therapy? Is it safe to have them here?
Oh sure, Boss, most of the ones with violent tendencies turned down the gig. My shrink says one of these chicks is being treated for narcolepsy.
You mean the excessive urge to sleep at inappropriate times, such as while at work, huh? I bet I can spot that one.
Lamar, the rest of the models aren’t even stopping to help her.
It takes lots of plastic to be the Man of Steel
Blog Guy, who’s your favorite superhero? Mine is Superman. I love the whole story of being sent here in a rocket from the planet Krypton by his scientist father, Jor-El, and how he….
Right! I love that, too. And the rocket landing in the Philippines, and…
Er, no, he was raised by the kindly Kents, and…
And then he disguised himself by…
By wearing a business suit and a snap-brim hat and glasses, and…
No, by having plastic surgery on his nose, cheeks, lips, chin and thighs, and changed his skin color, and…
Plastic hair and red underwear,
He’s looking for Krypton
and thinks he’s there…
What year is it again?
Welcome back to a regular feature we call, “What Year is it Again?” in which we relate true events that make us question whether we’ve gone back in time for decades, maybe even centuries.
For instance, I was looking at a very nice photo series about guide dogs in Peru, but I noticed the captions said that shops, banks and buses don’t allow blind people to enter with their guide dogs.
Thinking this must be some mistake, because my smart phone tells me we’re living in the year 2011, I checked further.
Our photographer told me that indeed, guide dogs are a new phenomenon in Peru. So naturally, instead of checking in with other countries that have used these amazing animals forever, the locals just made rules against them. I guess that’s a lot easier.
Our photographer saw blind people mistreated and denied service a number of times.
One woman with a guide dog had to take a bus to the Andes to give a workshop for the blind, but the ticket seller said her dog would have to be stowed in the luggage compartment, underneath.
The deaf “hearing dog” story brought back memories of a particular stand up comedy by Rowan Atkinson, featuring “Tom, Dick and Harry”. Won’t go into the details, but a youtube search will return this great piece of standup. Otherwise, read the transcript here:
http://deohsan.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/ tom-dick-and-harry/
So, Doc, is it a boy or a girl?
Blog Guy, I’ve heard our elected officials don’t earn much, and they have to find ways to supplement their income. Is that true?
Uh-oh, I suppose you’re going to ask me about former vice president Spiro T. Agnew, right?
Who? No, I was going to ask about President Barack Obama. Does he have any way of bringing extra money in during these tight times?
Oh, don’t you worry about old Doc Obama. His part-time pediatric practice is a tidy addition to his income as commander-in-chief. He picks up a few extra bucks at every stop, doing baby checkups along the lines of supporters.
I had no idea! So his practice is limited to when he’s on the road?
Mostly, but when he has some spare time he does examine patients in the Oval Office, as you can see here on the right.
@BG: the reference to “Baby Doc” is too funny!
When Obama gets to his vacation spot, does he become Doc Holiday?
A loco motive for doing this?
Hey Doctor, it’s me! Earl! I’m calling from out here on the railway line where you sent me. Are you positive this will make me better?
Yes Earl, we’re on the right track.
You say the electrical energy from the rails will cure me, but how do I get it from the train into me?
Ever hear of a conductor, Earl?
Should I have an anesthetic?
Yeah, I’d suggest a local.
Spin, re: AC/DC comment, when the train DOES arrive, they’ll all find themselves on the Highway to Hell, if you know what I mean! 
As regards your other comment, I’m glad you got the Grease reference!
And now, haiku:
Grease, AC/DC –
Electrifying Music,
or highway to hell?
Yeah baby, I used to be famous!
Psssssssssst! Blog Guy, it’s me!
Wally? My old roommate from the Witness Protection Program?
No, you dimwit, I’m The Elephant Man! I was famous when my movie came out, back in 1980, and I’d like some of your fashion advice. I want to start hitting the singles bar scene, but I need a hip wardrobe.
Ah, that empty oat bag over your head and the stupid floppy cap aren’t making it any more, huh?
You know, Blog Guy, I am not an animal! I am a human being!
Yeah, yeah, save it for the chicks at the bar, okay? I suggest you check out this outfit from a recent international fashion show. Gold lamé, fancy eye slits…
@ Spin: Your cruel taunts can’t hurt me; I’m under Unca’s “Protection Thingy”.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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idiots. no pulling of teeth, just a bleaching process with an ultraviolet assist…