Oddly Enough Blog

A chance to arm-wrestle WHO?

Blog Guy, have you planned any special holiday events for your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop in Washington, DC?

You bet we have. We have new photo exhibits called “Goofy CEOs” and “Our Goofy Folks in Uniform.”

Plus, This week is our “Arm-Wrestle the First Lady” event, as you can see in the top photo.

Really? It surprises me that Michelle would participate in something like that at your museum, what with her commitment to eating healthy.

Oh. Well, she may have gotten the idea that it’s for charity, and we may have used our stationery that doesn’t mention doughnuts.

Blog Guy, in the picture it looks like your museum doesn’t seem to have walls or a roof. What happened?

So, you guys here on that Groupon deal?

Blog Guy, wake up! Looks like you fell asleep at your computer.

Oh, yeah, thanks. I was going through the so-called “family photos” of finance ministers from the APEC Summit in Hawaii, and I keep falling asleep.

Can’t you get somebody else to do that?

Who? Who on earth is EVER going to look at these pictures, and yet they are a staple of every single summit. There are so many people, we don’t even bother to name them.

And it isn’t just finance ministers. We have world leaders at the summit, we have SPOUSES of world leaders, all so that 1,000 years from now historians can look at them and say, WTF?

One year, every single leader was naked in a group photo. Nobody noticed.

Join the army, and pamper yourself!

Now, if you just sign on the dotted line, son, it’ll be official. You’ll be a private in the U.S. Army.

I don’t know sir, I’m still not sure about this.

Look, I’m a professional recruiter, so I have to be totally honest with you. What’s holding you back, young man?

Well, I’ve seen a lot of movies about the soldier’s life, living in damp tents or slummy barracks…

Why didn’t you say so? Just look at this picture of a new recruit in his own room at basic training. These are the new barracks.

Wow, that’s a whole lot nicer than my room at home! What about the food?

Bag? What bag, Baby?

Hi Michelle, Sweetie, it’s me! I’m calling on my new iPhone, from Los Angeles. Where are you?

Oh, hey, Barack, you caught me just finishing a speech at a grocery here in Chicago.

I’m in the produce section, surrounded by apples and oranges and pears. You remember, we’re making that big push to see that city residents have access to fresh, nutritious foods.

Oh, right! Good luck with that, Michelle.

Barack, are you chewing on something? Are those fried chicken wings?

Fried chicken wings? OF COURSE NOT, Michelle! How could you even THINK I would do that, especially while you’re busy promoting healthy eating!

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Mr. President!

Do you believe this, Michelle?

What’s that, Barack?

I’m the president, and I’m pulling my own pumpkins!

Pulling your pumpkins from the patch to the plane?

Precisely.

Where’s the presidential pumpkin puller?

How the rich and powerful keep fit

Blog Guy, as someone who hangs out with the power elite, can you tell me how they manage to stay in shape? I mean, they must get free food anytime they want, so how do they cope with all that?

Good question. Powerful people usually hire other powerful people as their personal trainers.

Really? It’s that simple? I’m not doubting you, but it’s kind of hard to believe. So who does Michelle Obama use,  just for instance?

She uses Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Here she is, following his tough calisthenics regimen while practicing her goofy faces at the same time. It’s called “multi-tasking.”

Hmm. What about Britain’s Queen Elizabeth? She looked very spry and fit at the recent royal wedding. If you’re the Queen of England, who do you get for a personal trainer?

You get the British Prime Minister. The Queen enjoys daily Stairmaster-style workouts, using Number 10 Downing Street as her Stairmaster.

The carrot and the shtick?

Hey Blog Guy, it’s me. That guy who collects photographs of famous people with vegetables. Bet you didn’t think you’d hear from me again.

Well, I did change my photo and got new sunglasses. What do you want? The last time I offered you photos of Michelle Obama with sweet potatoes and you said that wasn’t special enough.

It wasn’t. First ladies with sweet potatoes are a dime a dozen, going back to Lucretia Garfield.

How about the Michelle Obama with red peppers? Here’s one on the left.

Sorry, the famous person actually needs to be touching the vegetable.

What would you say to Michelle Obama holding a carrot?

Michelle, it’s time for a royal goof-o-rama!

“So here we are, sweetie, we’re about to meet the Queen of England.”

“Pretty cool, Barack. I’ll bet you fifty bucks you don’t have the guts to make a goofy face at her.”

“You’re on! Here I go. I know YOU wouldn’t do anything like that!”

“I so TOTALLY would too, Mister Big-Shot. Look at me! Booyah!”

“Oh yeah? Well, would you give her a Beverly Hillbillies Howdy-Do wave?”

“Here’s me doin’ it right now, Slick!”

She flew in on Hair Force One?

Come on into Air Force One, sir. You’re the new hairdresser here to style the first lady’s hair for the big trip?

Yes, I am. I must admit I was a little surprised to be called in for such a big job.

We don’t have many options left. Ms. Obama is VERY particular about her hair, and often if she’s unhappy with the results, the stylist…

Gets fired?

No. Totally disappears from the face of the earth. So, what is your name again?

The White House can’t afford plates?

Blog Guy, I’m disappointed in you.

Most of my readers usually are. What did I do now?

Easter came and went and you didn’t offer up your usual Goofiest Easter Photo. What gives?

I’m still waiting for our panel of judges. It’s down to two finalists.

One shows President Barack Obama talking to the Easter Bunny. The other shows television personality Kelly Ripa doing something very weird with a crêpe.

Is that pronounced creep?