Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Join the army, and pamper yourself!
Now, if you just sign on the dotted line, son, it’ll be official. You’ll be a private in the U.S. Army.
I don’t know sir, I’m still not sure about this.
Look, I’m a professional recruiter, so I have to be totally honest with you. What’s holding you back, young man?
Well, I’ve seen a lot of movies about the soldier’s life, living in damp tents or slummy barracks…
Why didn’t you say so? Just look at this picture of a new recruit in his own room at basic training. These are the new barracks.
Wow, that’s a whole lot nicer than my room at home! What about the food?
What’s this-here doohickey for?
Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous career advice.
My mom gave me a glossy brochure entitled, “The Glamorous Field of Dismantling Old Nuclear Bombs,” and I signed up for their training course.
It’s real interesting, but I wondered what you thought of that career path?
Well, I do know the U.S. is currently dismantling some of our old nuclear weapons, so I guess there should be opportunities.
I see that they took apart the oldest nuclear bomb in our Cold War arsenal, one of the most powerful ones ever built, just this week. So they are training you, huh?
Oh sure! They don’t just hand us our sledge hammers and blowtorches and chainsaws and what-not unless we get at least a C in the two-day course.
Catching bayonets, what could go wrong?
It’s not that I don’t think you know what you’re doing, but we hired you to spiff up our military honor guard with some great new moves, and I’m just not sure about your plan.
Trust me, I know what I’m doing.
Okay, I’m sorry, what was your name again?
Lamar.
Okay Lamar, so as I understand it, the honor guard marches up, stops, and everybody just hurls their rifles straight into the air, is that it?
That’s it. It’s going to be impressive as hell.
I find themself staring, for at least an hour, transfixed by those yellow ribbons. I guess that’s why the Eighth and I Marines decided not to take me into their midst. Dave, good eye in noticing that the M16s aren’t current. AllthatJazz, what you see doesn’t exclude one in the chamber! For those that are bad tossers. I MEAN rifle throwers!
Oh, so this is a SERIOUS bike lane!
Okay, listen up, troops! I’ve got your duty assignments for the anti-Gaddafi army!
Smith, you’re riding in a tank. Jones, you’re a bombardier. Williams, you fire rocket-propelled grenades and blow up big stuff all day long. Johnson, you’re on Bike Patrol. Williams, you’re…
What is it, Johnson?
Well, you know, I mean it doesn’t sound very cool to just ride a bike.
Really, Johnson? But it’s a ten-speed two-wheeler, very shiny, and you get to shoot your AK-47 from the handlebars.
Have another round? No, I mean drinks!
Blog Guy, I need some of your great advice on home entertaining.
Is it something that can be solved by a fancy Williams-Sonoma gadget?
Not this time. I’ve invited some of those anti-Gaddafi soldiers over for a home- cooked dinner, and I’m wondering if there’s anything special I should know. We’ll start with pre-dinner drinks in the living room.
That sounds lovely. Make sure they have a clear line of fire.
Excuse me? Clear line of fire?
You know, they’ll want to use your sofa’s arm rest for their assault weapons, so you should only put one fighter on each piece of furniture.
Nosmo, I do believe that Doc, Mr B, Dave and I all shared in the common day practice of eating while heavily armed! I still do…and if that waitress doesn’t show up soon…well, use your imagination. I DO have a CCW on my license, which means I have a stamp that lets me carry concealed weapons.
What’s wrong with this picture?
Blog Guy, I’ve been seeing photos of well-armed rebels in Yemen in recent days, and I notice a lot of swollen cheeks. Are those plucky lads in need of major dental care?
No, don’t worry about that. These guys are just getting stoned on a leaf called qat.
According to Wikipedia, qat contains an amphetamine-like stimulant which is said to cause excitement and euphoria.
But…but…but… That one guy is holding a huge honking rocket-propelled grenade! Should he be doing that?
Oh, don’t worry, it’s no worse than giving Ozzy Osbourne the keys to a fully-armed battle tank.
But you wouldn’t DO that!
It’s not the Qat, it’s the brand spanking new uniforms. Wonder who’s paying for that?
Lemme just hack away at this gizmo…
Blog Guy, I’m looking for a new career and I know your advice is the best. I picked up a colorful brochure called, “The Exciting World of Battlefield Rocket Repair,” and I was wondering if you think that’s a good way to go?
That brochure is really making the rounds, isn’t it? I hear from lots of young people, captivated by the opening lines, “Hey, have you always wanted to see Libya?”
So, what do you think? Would I need to learn to use a lot of complicated tools?
Not really. You can see this guy in the photo working on a sophisticated Grad rocket, and he’s just using a knife.
Yikes! Using a knife on a Grad rocket? That seems pretty dangerous!
Hey, there are worse jobs than his.
uncarastus, agreed. ifly FTW.
Did anyone notice that the two gentlemen in the background of Pic 1 must have switched hats?
Honk if this seems strange…
Strange days have found us Strange days have tracked us down
Blog Guy, how’s come you’re playing a Doors album really loud? What’s up with that?
Oh, I think it’s that war in Libya. It’s getting weirder and weirder, and starting to remind me of tracks off that “Strange Days” album.
In this top photo, for instance, you can see an anti-Gaddafi fighter walking his ostrich.
That does look a little bit odd, but troops in war often have a mascot.
According to the photo caption, they’re going to eat it. Over here on the right, we see an anti-Gaddafi fighter advancing toward Sirte.
It looks like the man is firing the rocket-propelled granade over his shoulder and that the photographer is standing in the line of fire.
Looks like that one passed the test!
Sarge, look sharp. I’ve got a job for you.
Sure thing, Captain, Sir!
We’ve captured all these big weapons from the Gaddafi loyalists, and we need to test ‘em.
Can you take care of that? And start with that big anti-aircraft gun over there!
Jeez, Sir, I can only think of one way to “test” an anti-aircraft gun….
Well, then it’s a good thing we’re close to a civilian airport, right? Who’s your best man for the job, Sarge?
Seeing Libya, from surface to air!
Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous travel advice. With Libya being in the news lately I’d love to go see it, but I’m concerned about getting around. I’m not even sure how to get there. I’ll be starting my trip in Mexico, so I need to get…
From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli? No problem. Libya is already building up tourism, and offers fast, efficient ways to get from place to place, using the thousands of unused missiles littering the country.
This happy family in the photo above is about to start their Libyan adventure, and they’ll see all the sights while cruising at a brisk 4,500 miles per hour. Sit down and buckle up, kids, we’re ready for takeoff!
That looks neat. Do they let you listen to your iPod on the flight?
Sure thing, but you should turn it on about 20 minutes before takeoff. Otherwise your music won’t catch up with you, what with traveling six times the speed of sound.
I love it when you make science simple, Blog Guy. How about the airports? Is it easy to tell where flights are going?
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Thanks, Spin,
I have passed your haiku (and the others) along to the Ssgt. – He’ll appreciate it.