Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Heads I win, tails you lose…

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Blog Guy, I just lost a bunch of money to a guy flipping coins, and I can’t figure out how he did it. He beat me every time!

Let me guess. Was he playing, “Heads I win, tails you lose?”

Yes! I can’t figure out what went wrong!

Well, this is not generally a good phrase to agree to in the world of wagering. As a helpful illustration, look at these two guys in the photos.

After an hour of gambling, the one who was saying “Heads I win, tails you lose” is blazing away with two machine guns, looking like Rambo and about to leave with several gorgeous chicks wearing stiletto heels.

He is standing on the other guy, whom we will call the loser. That dude has bricks broken around him, tire tracks on his face, and no shirt.

Doc, it hurts when I do this!

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Blog Guy, I heard there has been a huge recall of military weapons because of a safety defect. What can you tell us about this?

It’s true. It turns out if you open that little thingy on the side and stick your forefinger in there and then let the bolt slam against it enough times, your finger will turn purple, as shown by the victim in this photo.

And the Father of the Year award goes to…

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Blog Guy, have you noticed how hard it is to buy World War Two German uniforms these days?

Uh, yeah. I guess you could say führer and führer shops are selling them…

My fellow citizens… Blammo! Kapow!

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Blog Guy, I see footage of the Secret Service guarding President Obama. It looks like a HUGE task. Has any country found a better way to protect its leaders?

A good question. Yes, of all places, Russia has. Their President, Dmitry Medvadev, protects himself.

Nice melons, soldier!

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Blog Guy, you seem to know quite a lot about how the military works in various countries, so I have a question.

I’ll do my best.

I was wondering how the paramilitary police carry watermelons in China.

I get that question a lot, and I believe this photo illustrates the technique they use.

An army of goat-kickers?

Blog Guy, I see North Korea is shooting off more of those missiles. I’m worried. What can you tell me about them?

They don’t deal well with their goats.

Um, could you elaborate on that?

Just look at these pictures. A North Korean soldier kicking a goat. And they’re practically dragging them in the other photo.

MINE DIVER? I thought I applied to be a mime driver!

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Blog Guy, you’ve given lots of career pointers, especially warning people about jobs to stay away from. If I’m not mistaken, your advice is free?

Yes, my advice is totally gratuitous.

That’s just how it  seems to your readers. Any new jobs to avoid?

Yeah. This one in the photo.

I see what you mean!  He’s jumping from a helicopter into the water!

You don’t understand. That’s the easy part. He’s called a “mine diver.” After jumping from the chopper he looks for mines and attaches explosives to them, meaning there isn’t one single aspect of this job that appeals to me.

Sarge, we could march faster without bricks…

Blog Guy, a couple of months ago you said there were pockets of China that have little gravity. Do you have any more info on that?

Sure. Here are military training photos from Sichuan Province. These guys have bricks hanging on them at all times, even when they sleep, just to keep grounded.

Mess hall food no Dutch treat?

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Blog Guy, I read that Australia’s troops in Afghanistan are unhappy with their food. Apparently they don’t like the stuff that the Dutch-run mess hall is serving. Could Dutch food really be that bad?

No. The Dutch eat lots of great cheeses, and all kinds of chocolate and stuff.

That sounds yummy. Have you been to Australia? What do they eat there?

Yes, I have. They eat Vegemite, this dark brown food paste that they spread on everything.

Fire, ready, aim!

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Blog Guy, I know you study military preparedness around the world. How do U.S. troops compare in areas like marksmanship?

We’re far ahead of most countries … Look at some photos taken in the last couple of days.