Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Wanna see my Chipmunk, baby?

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Blog Guy, you write a lot about military careers, and I could use some advice. I want to be able to wear a whole bunch of medals, to impress the chicks.

So you’re saying you want to see lots of combat and earn medals of honor and valor and purple hearts and stuff?

I don’t wanna see combat at all. I just want a butt-load of medals.

Ah, then move to Britain and serve there. Look at this photo. Prince Charles did five years in their military, and look at the medals and braid and geegaws he has.

Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! What did he have to do for those?

I hope you shoot better than you dress!

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Blog Guy, I’m amazed by the Secret Service agents who protect our president. You never see a firearm, yet you know they’re ready for action. Is it like that all over?

No, sometimes you actually catch a brief glimpse of gun, in places like Georgia.

Toss me the nuke, Duke!

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Blog Guy, I’ve read about the so-called “nuclear football” that goes everywhere with the U.S. President in case he needs to authorize a nuclear war. Are there any pictures of this doomsday gadget?

Photos of the super-secret device are very rare, but we got some at the White House a couple of days ago. Here you go.

The army exploits of Major Stoner

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Blog Guy, I’ve noticed that every time you offer career advice about the military, all you do is write about the jobs you consider crappy. Are there ANY good jobs?

Yes. These troops here are watching as tons of marijuana goes up in smoke, if you catch my drift.

What if Macy’s got attacked on Thanksgiving?

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Well, I’m in trouble now.

Awhile back, the Defense Department told me to make our military capability the best in the world. I looked for bargains, because who wants to waste tax dollars?

Their original memo said, and I quote, “Price is no object. We’ll back you if there is inflation.”

The very worst job: he who must not be named!

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Blog Guy, my daughter hasn’t decided on a career. You give great job advice, and you’ve even named the worst job in the world. Could you remind me what that was?

Oh, I’ve written about so many bad careers. There’s crocodile dentistry, being a crew member aboard a homemade submarine, being a trolleybus driver’s assistant.

Call me the Mocketeer! The Mocket Man!

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Here we have this rich guy in Japan who spent $350,000 on mock missiles to act as a “deterrent” against a possible rocket incursion from North Korea.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute. His mock missiles are supposed to deter real ones.

Cheap remake of M*A*S*H?

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Blog Guy, are you a licensed psychiatrist?

It depends. I am in some states, just not in the really picky ones. How can I help?

I feel like I’m being followed by helicopters. Oh, they try to be clever, but I always spot them. Three or four at a time, hovering overhead. Am I being paranoid?

Who you callin’ yellow?

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Blog Guy, military tactics is one of your areas of expertise. Can you update us on which countries are trying anything new and innovative in warfare?

Sure. For my money, all eyes should be on Cyprus.

That island in the Mediterranean? Whatever for?

They base their defense tactics on classic cartoons, which of course is brilliant.

Spread your wings, grasshopper!

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Blog Guy, I have a science question for you. Is gravitational pull exactly the same everywhere on Earth?

Yes. Apart from China’s Ningxia Hui Autonomous Region, of course.

WHAT? I don’t know anything about that!

As you can see here, for some reason they have virtual weightlessness, and residents learn to just float from one place to the next.