Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

You put your handcuffs on, you take your handcuffs off…

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Some of you have asked me about that new program down there in Mexico, where nightclubs are being operated by federal government police.

I think the experiment seems to be working, judging from some fresh photos I’ve just seen from nightspots in Ciudad Juarez.

As you can see here, the Federales have organized a lively session of the Hokey Pokey. THOSE dudes are having a GREAT time!

Plus, think of the fun when the Federales ask for your ID at the door.

“ID? We ain’t got no ID! I don’t have to show you any steenking ID!

I have you in my sights, wabbit!

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Sometimes it seems to take real people way too long to catch up with Looney Tunes.

Below is a photo of some Israeli guy showing off a “corner shotgun,” which apparently lets you shoot the enemy around corners, without exposing yourself.

Is this the ROTARY club?

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Quick quiz: If you have to parachute, the best thing to avoid having below you would be…

a) a giant vat of fresh horse manure

b) two million rotten eggs

c) the word’s biggest trampoline

d) a bunch of choppers sharing your airspace

Yeah, I agree, my answer would have to be the helicopter one.

The actual photo caption here says these guys are jumping FROM choppers, but it sure looks to me like a high-stakes game of chicken that could go south pretty fast.

Could you BE more of a target, Lonnie?

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I notice an increasing number of news photos showing demonstrators in the Middle East brandishing realistic-looking mock rockets and mock explosives.

You know, personally I probably wouldn’t do that.

Considering the advanced state of satellite observation these days, I think I’d tend to leave my mock explosives indoors, in the recreation room.

Gimme another swab, Bob!

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Blog Guy, you give great career advice. Can you suggest one for me?

I’ll try. What do you like to do?

I really enjoy cleaning my ears with cotton swabs. It gives me hours of enjoyment.

I see. Then you may want to train for a career of cleaning the barrels on military tanks. It’s pretty much the same principle.

Snarley and Me…

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Dear Auntie Charlene,

I hope your Christmas was as nice as ours. Thank you SO much for the thick padded pajamas, which will really help keep me warm through these cold Miami nights.

And thanks, too, for the dog you sent for the kids. Imagine our surprise when we opened that big crate!

Graduation! Let’s get hammered!

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Okay, it’s time to plan the graduation ceremony for our latest class of recruits for the Baghdad Police Department.

Here’s what I’m thinking. We’ll have one recruit do a push-up over two sharp knives, and then we’ll bust a concrete block on his head with a sledge hammer.

Ma, where’s that mortar ya made?

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Quick quiz: which of these are really great homemade?

a) tart, tangy double-crust apple crisp
b) flaky buttermilk biscuits with honey
c) a steaming pot of spicy chili
d) mortars

I hope you identified mortars as the one thing you should probably get from a reputable mortar store, not a basement metal workshop.

Anchors Away, lingerie!

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Congratulate me, Blog Guy!

Why?

I enlisted in the Navy!

Awesome. Which one?

There’s more than one?

Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.

And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.

Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles…¬† But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.

Oh, it’s one of those fright wigs!

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Welcome back to our popular feature, “Things Maybe we Should have Explained in a Caption, but Didn’t.” The actual caption here tells us this soldier is “wearing a wig” as he smokes near the front lines.

Excuse me? “Ernie, we’re gonna see combat today. Is my wig on straight?” That just doesn’t sound right.