Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Just pay no attention to that guy…

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LIBYA/

Okay sir, we hired your consulting firm, flew you over here from the U.S. in first class, and bought you a big steak dinner.

It’s time to share your military expertise. For example, at this crucial road checkpoint here, what should we be doing, Mr. – I’m sorry, please remind me of your name?

rpg rebels 300You can just call me Lamar.

Yes, sorry. So please advise us, Mr. Lamar.

Well now, the key is to put up a stop sign here, and when vehicles stop, your rebels can check them out.

Yes, but what if the occupants seem suspicious? Then what?

That’s why you post that guy over there on that sagging, rickety platform, with a rocket-propelled grenade on his shoulder.  If you give him the high sign, then boom!

Hang on, we’re goin’ over a bump!

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LIBYA/

Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot about those Government Death Panels. I was wondering, do they have special vehicles I should watch for in case they stop at my house?

Some do, but most of them just travel in their own cars and put in for mileage.

LIBYA/Then how do they carry the weapons they use in their job?

Well, you can hang on to them from the window of a sedan, or if you have rifles you can stick them out the sunroof, er, gun roof.

Is the cavalry back with those doughnuts?

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BRITAIN/

EMILY! How is our checking account overdrawn? What the hell did you buy?

Shut your cake hole, Herb! That stuff is for household expenses, every bit of it. Maybe you need to get a raise down at the plant!

BRITAIN/Let me just see that budget, Emily. Food, gasoline, rent, cavalry, medical… Wait just a minute. Cavalry, $2.4 million for February? But what do they DO?

Divan intervention in Libya?

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LIBYA-GADDAFI/SON

Blog Guy, I rely on your blog for most of my international news, and I’m wondering if you can help make some sense of this thing in Libya. Which side is right?

Well, I’m only speaking for myself of course, but I’ll have to go with the rebels.

No no no, I’m a rocket man…

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RPG instructions490

Okay troops, listen up!

Some of you are new to using different kinds of rockets, so they’ve asked me, a Professor of Grenadery, to teach you some things.

rocket firing 340Hey private! You wanna stop using your rocket to pound in that tent stake and come over here?

You didn’t hit your head hard enough! Roll again!

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RUSSIA/

Blog Guy, you write a lot about Krasnoyarsk, that place in Siberia that you like to call Wackytown. But what I find interesting is, you haven’t given many details about their military training over there.

RUSSIA/Rest assured, it’s as goofy as everything else in Krasnoyarsk.

Look at this photo above, showing students in a military club being deployed by a pick-up truck. They learn to roll out of the back onto their head.

There’s something about a man in uniform

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OSCARS/

Quick quiz: The resplendent full dress uniform seen above, with blue lapels, gleaming buttons and rank stripes on the sleeves, will be worn by…

oscars raccoons 260a) the commander of the Sri Lankan navy.

b) members of the Raccoon Lodge.

c) Britain’s Prince William at his upcoming wedding.

d) waiters at a party for the Oscars.

Don’t feel bad, this one fooled me, too. These are indeed specially designed uniforms for waiters at the Governors Ball, part of the Academy Awards festivities.

Flouting the health warnings?

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frozen lips 490

Blog Guy, congratulate me. I just enlisted in the military. I’m a flute player, so I’m guaranteed a gig in a marching band.

No shooting, just fluting?

Durned tooting!

flute 320That’s great. So which branch of the service did you join? Army? Air Force?

I say! I did not see you there, mon!

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IRISH/

Quick quiz: These photos show Britain’s Prince Charles

IRISH/a) giving a soldier a fatherly lecture on the need to wash his hair more than once a year.

b) mistaking a camouflaged sniper for the Cowardly Lion, saying, “I LOVED you in ‘The Wizard of Oz.’”

A most alarming little gadget…

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rocket launchers 490

Blog Guy, I’m a high school student doing a report, and I need your help.

Oh sure, I’m always eager to help with homework assignments. Do you want it single-spaced or double-spaced? You want me to misspell some words to make it look real?

RPG alarm crop 260My report is called “Alarm Clocks Around the World,” and I was hoping you could share the most interesting alarm you know about.