Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Okay Colonel Johnson, thank you for appearing before the Senate Defense Committee with your blueprint for a strong military in our new breakaway republic.
Now, as I understand it, all of your emphasis is on strong teeth and good oral hygiene for our troops, is that correct?
Exactly, Senator. That’s why I called my document “The Gums of Navarone.” It’s crucial that each fighting man be able to carry a desk in his teeth, in case he needs to fill out a form or write home.
I see. But Colonel, why can’t they carry the desks with their hands?
They’re TROOPS! They need their hands free for their guns. You could say they need their hands for their arms, heh heh…
Blog Guy, I may have the strangest fashion request ever.
I doubt that. I’ve heard it all.
We shall see. My friends and I are World War I spies, um, in the Balkans. Yeah, that’s right, the Balkans.
Wait a minute. That’s almost 100 years ago. How are you talking to me?
Is complicated. There is no time. Please, it is urgent. Where can we find 1914 fashions in your world today?
Okay, this one just struck me as very funny. The actual photo caption tells us that residents in Najaf, Iraq, are protesting a visit by Vice President Joe Biden two days ago, but I can’t help noticing their banner rails against George Bush.
I asked the folks at our Baghdad bureau, and they suggested that maybe the protesters were too lazy to print a new sign, too poor to print a new sign, or just hadn’t been told about recent changes in the U.S.
Why are you looking so happy today, Blog Guy?
Thanks for asking. Because I’m going to testify before the U.S. Senate. I volunteered when I saw that they gave chocolate chip cookies to General Petraeus when he testified.
Okay, wait a minute, Blog Guy. What are you going to testify about?
Huh? I didn’t know it involved actually knowing something. I figured they would ask me how my weekend was and stuff. Look, that guy from BP testified before Congress and claimed he didn’t know anything at all. Can’t I just do that?
Blog Guy, I’ve appreciated your items on those Government Death Panels that came with the health care reform package. You’re the only one who tells it like it is. I mean, just you and Fox News.
As I understand it, they have to come to our home, right? They can’t do anything in public?
Hey Blog Guy? I saw an interesting Reuters story yesterday about people in London putting on period outfits and heading to the air raid shelters for evenings of Blitz nostalgia. You know the Blitz, when Hitler’s Luftwaffe bombers terrorized London.
Indeed I do. My father was in London during the Blitz.
Really! Where was he living?
Was that nice?
No, in those days it was the pits.
Your dad was at the Ritz in the Blitz but it was the pits?
Yeah. They took some bad hits.
What a nightmare!
Yes. For months he had fits.
How did they even get through all that?
Living by their wits.
Were there ANY happy moments?
Only one. To this day, Dad remembers going to a USO dance and meeting a raven-haired beauty. She had gorgeous…
Blog Guy, I want to enlist in the military, but I need to be sure I’m in the most bad-ass, macho, kick-butt outfit my country has to offer. So what should I ask for? Afghanistan? Iraq?
No, you should demand to join Hell Squad.
You know, the famed Hell Squad! Our elite unit that makes forays into Hades. Perdition. The Inferno. Across the River Styx. Like where Satan lives. Here’s a picture of them in action, although it only shows the nicer part of Hell.
Blog Guy, since the passage of the new health care reform you’ve been great about following the creation of those Government Death Panels that will go door-to-door deciding if we live or die. Is there anything new on them?
Yes, but I need to correct you. They won’t go “door-to-door.” They will visit carefully screened addresses, where somebody sent an e-mail to email@example.com to point out that the resident has been sneezing a lot, or walking with a limp or something.
Let me say right here, seeing this soldier eat a snake while blood spurts all over his face is not what I find bizarre about this photo.
Blog Guy, I don’t know how I’m going to get through all this World Cup stuff. I’m already so bored by soccer. How about you?
Which kind are you talking about?
There are different kinds of soccer?
Sure. There’s regular soccer, and then there’s that new Extreme Soccer, like they play in war zones and places like that.