Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Proposing to the decomposing…
Blog Guy, I’m a guy with an unusual problem. My buddies and I live in one of those towns where the men really outnumber the chicks, and we don’t know where to go for brides. There just aren’t any women.
Now, what you actually mean is, no LIVE women, right?
Um, yes, that’s kind of implied, Blog Guy.
Bear with me here. Maybe you’re being a little too picky. There was a fashion show in Barcelona just this week, catering to the bridal needs of the dead.
Isn’t that kind of gross and sick and repulsive?
Try to keep an open mind. Look, I’m not talking about people who have been dead for years, I mean the more recently deceased.
A nice bridal gown, a thick coat of make-up, comb most of the seaweed out of her hair, and you’ve got yourself a good-looking bride you can be proud of.
A different sort of Georgia peach?
Blog Guy, I was wondering. Where do the fewest women get married?
You know, I mean like which country has the highest percentage of what we used to call “old maids” before we became enlightened?
That’s easy. it’s Georgia.
No, I said COUNTRY.
Georgia IS also a country. It’s over there in Europe somewhere. See how the women look, dressed in black, very plain-looking, with skinny arms and huge hips?
Here they are, undead and untanned….
Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with the guy who does grout work in my grandma’s shower?
Of course. Bet-Settlers R Us. That’s what we do here.
For a minute there you sounded almost sarcastic, Blog Guy. Anyhow, the grout guy says you can raise the dead by putting number 45 sunblock on them.
They’re like Charlie’s Angels, only nastier!
Okay sales staff, the big civil defense and security equipment exhibition is coming up, and we need to push our merchandise. Let’s brainstorm!
Boss, it’s me, Lonnie! What if we pass out glossy brochures about peaceful crowd control and stuff like that?
Chicks taking their coiffe medicine?
Blog Guy, I have a problem. I’m a very attractive woman and people tell me my hair is one of my best features.
But whenever I get a new hairstyle, my boyfriend doesn’t even notice! How can I get his attention?
A reader needs my help…
Blog Guy, I’m a regular reader of your blog, and I need a personal favor.
Sorry, I can’t really get involved with helping people, I’ve got a lot of readers.
Please! My daughter is going to Washington DC, and I know you live there. She doesn’t know a soul, and I’m hoping you can help her meet some nice young men.
How to shoot motor racing in one lesson
Blog Guy, it’s me. That aspiring photojournalist you’ve…
Been mentoring, Right, I know. At some point I should ask your name, but let’s not rush it. So what is it now? More pope shots?
No, it’s sports photography. I’m going out to cover a Formula One race, and I know that’s got to be tricky, so any tips you can give me…
Is this the best job on earth, or what?
Blog Guy, it seems like mostly you write about jobs to avoid. How about some positive career advice? Aren’t there any GREAT jobs out there?
You bet, and here I’m talking especially to you men. Every major fashion show employs a Chest Checker, and if you can score one of these jobs, you’re set for life.
Supermodel presents the “Handal”
Blog Guy, you’re pretty plugged into the flashy world of top supermodels, aren’t you?
If by “plugged in” you mean most of them have taken out restraining orders against me, then yes, I sure am.
Does this make my butt look big?
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous fashion advice. I’m a woman with a fairly large butt.
Large? I’ll say! Honey, you’ve got more crack than a drug dealer! Just a sec, let me go here for a rim shot.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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