Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I’m a big tennis fan, and you never do anything about tennis except show players making goofy faces.
Hey, I don’t force them to look goofy. I just use what I get. But let me do something nice to make it up to you.
Oh. That’s damned decent, I must say. Well, my all-time favorite player is Boris Becker. Can you run some photos of him in your blog?
Sure thing. Here he is with his wife, Lilly, just a couple of days ago. Enjoy.
But wait. That seems to just be a photo of Lilly, with a tiny sliver of Becker.
I do beg your pardon. Sorry, here’s another one.
Um, that’s not much better.
Look, clearly you’re a pathetic malcontent who will never be happy and should seek professional help.
I should warn you, I’m kind of emotional today. See, I’m adopted, and I just got a report from a private detective who has tracked down my biological parents after all these years. You can imagine my feelings as I read it.
Hmmm. It says BOTH of my parents were models, which might explain my interest in fashion.
Blog Guy, I’m in HUGE trouble! My school is putting on “H.M.S. Pinafore” this weekend, and I’m playing Bill Bobstay, the boatswain’s mate. Mom was supposed to make my costume but she got really hammered on mudslides and took a bunch of her pills, and….
That’s too much information, honey. Here’s the perfect outfit for you.
Lamar, those fashion models are getting uppity. Oh, they’re so full of themselves, with their beauty and glamour, we need to take ‘em down a notch.
Gosh, how do we do that, Boss?
We lower their self-esteem.
Let’s put one of ‘em in lingerie and stiletto heels, send her out on the runway with a big bottle of vodka, and have her ad lib jokes until she’s flat on the floor. She won’t feel so high and mighty then!
Blog Guy, I know you’ve done security consulting for some major companies. Are you working with anybody now, or is that confidential?
I’ve recently been working with the Victoria’s Secret folks. Their supermodels are often the targets of stalkers, creeps and pervs. You know, basically the guys I call my readers.
Blog Guy, I’m dating a fashion model…
Hey, that must be neat.
It is, but I worry. She eats so little, and sometimes a raisin or a pea will go down the wrong way and she starts to choke.
So I figure I should learn that lifesaving Heimlich Maneuver.
Okay, first, you don’t want to use the standard Heimlich on her. You need the Size Zero Heimlich.
This was a very good month for the blog. I tried doing a few items in list form, and it paid off in page views. I did this for 10 reasons, but I don’t remember what they were.
The most popular post of the month, by far, was Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard.