Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Fashion models, name your poison…

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Here we go again, Lamar. We’ve got a major fashion show coming up, and the cost of paying good models would bankrupt us. Have you found a source for bargain-priced chicks, like you usually do?

I sure have, boss. I think you’ll be very happy.

So what’s wrong with this batch, Lamar? Are they zombies, genetic mutations, snake handlers, extremely moody….

Nope, they’re actual professional models and they’re willing to do our show for half price, with just one little, bitty demand. They want to be anonymous.

Why do they insist on that, Lamar?

Oh, I can’t remember their exact quotes, but it’s something about our fashion designs being grotesque, repugnant, appalling, infantile, an affront to womanhood, a putrid puke fest, an assault on the senses…

Fashions for a more forgettable you…

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous fashion advice.

I’m in a business I’d rather not name, but it’s in my best interest for certain people not to be able to find me. Am I clear so far?

I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing.

Good, I guess you’re smarter than you look in your photo.

So anyway, I like to look fashionable, just like anybody on the run. Where can someone like me go for low-profile high fashion?

If Lego made shoes for women…

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Lamar, you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m listening.

Here it is, boss, behold the future!

This is just a pile of crap, Lamar. Plastic lumps and rubber bands and stuff.

To the untrained eye, sure. But it’s actually a flexible modular shoe design which allows a woman to make 256 different footwear combinations!

No, wait! I wanted the FUN seats!

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Blog Guy, I’m a faithful reader of your blog and I’m hoping you can use your influence to get me tickets to the Copa America soccer matches now underway in Argentina.

Is there any chance you can get me in Paraguay’s section?

I guess I could pull a few strings. Let’s see, looks like I can put you in Peru’s section, in some really fine seats.

Reading in bed just got a lot better…

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Okay Lamar, your memo said you’ve come up with a  totally new fashion concept in women’s apparel. I’m very excited, so show me what you’ve got.

Okay, Boss!  Presenting, ta-da, The Linger-Read!

The what?

It’s lingerie that you can read, Boss. So if you get bored with your partner, you can at least read what she’s wearing for entertainment.

Where DO you find all those arms and legs, Ma?

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Let me make sure I understand this, Lamar. You say your mother can supply us with a steady supply of free models for our fashion shows?

That’s it in a nutshell, Boss.

Where will she get them?

She makes ‘em herself, Boss. Ma’s pretty good with tools, and she has a supply of used body parts, but don’t ask her where they come from.

A skeleton crew of bikini models?

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Ah, this is the life, right Lamar? Fashion Week in Brazil, where the women are gorgeous and shapely and we can really show off our most daring bikinis.

I hope you’ve gone all-out to get us some great-looking… OMG! What do you call THAT?

Fashion models are fit to be tied?

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Lamar, we’ve got another big fashion show today, and money is still very tight.

Did you manage to find us some inexpensive models?

I sure did, boss. I’d introduce you but they’re tied up right now.

Well, I’d sure like to see them, Lamar. Are they really that busy?

No, not busy, just tied up, like I said.

I figured if I tied up some women and bought ‘em in for  the show, then our only cost is 50 yards of clothesline. That’s it.

You get a lot of modeling work, do you?

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Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?

If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.

Great legs, nice calves…

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Blog Guy, I have a huge complaint.

I started reading your blog for your great coverage of German farming news, but here lately you’ve written very little about it.

You’re about to lose me and many of my friends, who are also German farming enthusiasts.