Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Honey, where’s my pale cream tunic?

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“Versace and Gucci…started their shows with men dressed in white or pale creams. Versace also showed comfort with unbuttoned tunics and safari-like jackets…”
Reuters story from Milan Fashion Week

Blog Guy, I know you write a lot about haute couture. Where do the big designers get ideas for their creations?

I hate to boast, but sometimes they get them from me. For instance, here’s me with Donatella Versace at a recent dinner. She complimented me on my rented tuxedo and said, “Bob, what kind of crapola should I sell next season?”

“Donna,” I replied,  “you can’t go wrong with whites and pale creams, unbuttoned tunics and safari jackets.”

Just leave your parrot outside, sir…

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Come in and have a seat, Mr. Johnson, and thanks for your application to join our little company.

Let’s see, it says here your last position was in Somalia! Well, that’s quite a long ways away, I guess. Iowa, or someplace?

Get out of the way for courier couture!

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Blog Guy, you’ve helped all kinds of professions find high-fashion attire to suit their needs. Ventriloquists, police decoys, even Smurfs. Can you help my proud profession, bicycle messengers?

I see you cycle couriers all over downtown areas, zipping along, always a violent curse on your lips. Do you have a slogan, like that rain and sleet one the postmen have?

You call for some professional whippers?

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Afternoon, Mr. Johnson, we’re the whippers you called for. You know, from Acme Whipping and Lawn Care.

You probably saw our ad in the Yellow Pages: “Acme, we can whip anybody!”

Check the clavicles on that babe!

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Fashion staff, this new push-up product of ours is going to turn the beauty business upside down!

Look at this pathetic Victoria’s Secret model showing off their push-up bra. Who needs that? Bosoms are SO last year. Just ask any guy.

“Hamana-hamana-hamana”

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Oh my God!

Ralphie, what’s wrong?

That chick coming this way. That’s my Internet date! I recognize her from her picture, and I think she’s really pissed!

No! Nobody uses their real picture online! What does she think YOU look like?

I may have sent her a shot of Hugh Jackman. What the hell am I going to say to her? What if the OTHER stuff she told me about herself is true, too?

What’s that thing on your HEAD, Lonnie?

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Herb, Lonnie, we need to talk.

See, when I invited you to meet me here at the beach to cruise for chicks, and I told you to wear hats because of the bright sun, well…

Let me put it this way. You see this baseball cap I’m wearing? Well, that’s okay. Or maybe a straw hat or some such.

Mr. Wang, novelty hairstylist!

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Great news for you chicks who want someone using razor-sharp scissors on your neck and head while balanced upside-down!

Meet Wang Xiaoyu, who has more years of experience at kung fu than at barbering, something I myself look for in a stylist.

Hey handsome, what’s your hat size?

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Blog Guy, I have a deep-seated fear of zombies. Like I was at a party and I met a nice chick but she had a dazed look and she started asking personal brain-related questions and I got scared.

Brain-related questions?

You know, she was like, “Dude, that’s some cranium you got there! How much do you suppose your brain would weigh if it was freshly harvested?” Stuff like that.

Fashion: ferret and wear it…

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or does it seem like these days you don’t see as many ferrets in fashion shows as you used to?

No, I see just as many ferrets as ever.

What about roosters? I’m not seeing so many of those, either.

I don’t know what kind of fashion shows you go to, but I’m seeing more roosters than ever on the runways. Look at this weekend show. Roosters, ferrets, snakes, porcupines…