Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The worst outfit in the history of earth?

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I blog a lot about bad fashion, and readers often ask what’s the worst outfit I’ve ever seen. You know, like one where I’d swallow a cyanide pill rather than wear it.

Until a couple of days ago that was a tough question, but no longer. It’s this one here.

Before I’d wear this I would take a gyrocopter ride with Velma, work as an elephant butt-checker, or even drink a frosty pitcher of “Urinade.”

To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure how you would describe this creation to the police, like if terrorists made you put it on.

Waiter, there’s a hair in my… Oh, it’s mine!

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It’s time again for Fashion Mailbag, where we solve readers’ unusual wardrobe dilemmas.

Earl, from Utah, writes, “I have a problem with nose hair. Mine grows very fast, like six inches in an evening, until matted black tufts dangle in my soup. Help!

Got a date with an angel, gotta meet her at seven…

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Okay Lonnie, this is a disaster and I have only my stupid self to blame!

I planned for DAYS to hit this hot singles spot for some action, and I invited you to meet me here to help me pick up gorgeous chicks. You know, introduce me, say good stuff about me and so on.

See, when I asked you to be my WINGMAN, that’s what I meant! I didn’t want you to show up bare-chested, with fricking WINGS on your back like an escapee from a cheesy Nativity scene at some male models’ Christmas party!

Skimpy bikinis, lots to think about!

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Hey Blog Guy, it seems like you’re always sort of making fun of fashion models. Why don’t you just once listen to what they have to say, and learn something?

That’s good advice. It so happens we have a video report on supermodel Bar Refaeli, who was the cover model for this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She must have something to say, right?

Begin your opening arrrrrrguments!

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Avast, fashion design staff, this be a genuine crisis!

For years we’ve featured pirate-themed fashions in our shows, and we’ve made millions from big-spenders who thought the piracy thing was romantic and exotic.

Now, thanks to a couple of incidents overseas someplace, the whole world is about to see that real pirates don’t dress like we thought. Do I have to remind you what kind of inventory wastage we’re looking at here?

Very 17th century brothel, honey!

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Is it just me, or does anybody else notice something disturbing about these photos?

These shots are from a “wellness” fair in Romania, and sure, I have to make fun of the hairstyles because it’s the right thing to do. And no, the word “wellness” doesn’t seem to apply here at all.

You call it fashion, I call it flashin’

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A few days ago I did a very popular post on what appeared to be a fashion trend, a dress that leaves one breast exposed, so the woman has to cover it with her hand. I saw some flaws in the idea, and there was plenty of reader discussion about it.

Good news! The designer of The Dress, Kimya Glasgow, has now assured me she did not intend for the creation to be worn in such a revealing manner.

Stand in front of the Harley, Carly!

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Blog Guy, it’s me again. The guy you’re tutoring to be a photojournalist. Recently you told me about shooting auto shows, and how all people want to see are the chick models. But I presume motorcycle shows are different – surely readers want to see new motorcycles?

Yeah, and surely Bernie Madoff is looking forward to meeting his new roommate, too.

Stupid fashion: accessory to the crime?

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Blog Guy, I love  your fashion coverage, but please write more about accessories.

You’re right. As the lady in “Steel Magnolias” said, “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” This season, it’s garden gloves. See how much better this outfit looks by adding big honking weed-pullers?

Because you’re mine, I walk the lion!

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Blog Guy, I represent a project to open a Johnny Cash Zoo, and I….

A what?

You know, a zoo where all the animals dress in black, like Johnny Cash did.

What would be the point of that?

Our target audience is families who want to go to the zoo, but don’t want to be cheered up by the visit. We also own a Johnny Cash Circus and a Johnny Cash Amusement Park.

Ah. Clowns dressed in black?

Totally. So anyhow, I’m looking for a designer who can do our animal wardrobe.