Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Okay fashion show staff, we really need to cut costs on our fashion show this week. Lamar, I put you in charge of trimming the fat. What have you come up with?
Boss, I think you’ll like this. First, we’re not showing our creations on the runway, where all the other designers are. That will save us a fortune.
Um, where ARE we showing them, then?
Wait for it, Boss. In the same building, but in the underground parking garage! I mean, it’s free, and everybody who’s going to the real show will have to pass by there and see our outfits. Brilliant, huh?
I guess, Lamar. Isn’t the lighting pretty bad down there?
Don’t underestimate fluorescent lights, boss. Plus, our designs are pretty crappy. You really want people to see them that well?
As a part of the international fashion industry press corps I would never poke fun at the designers, models, creations or glitzy shows. I know which side my thin-sliced sprouted whole grain toast is not buttered on, or however that expression goes.
But let’s all think about this one.
Here, from a collection this week at a big fashion show, is a “creation” which looks for all the world like a commercial pilot’s uniform. It comes complete with a life jacket, the kind they show you at the start of every flight.
Lamar! The fashion show is about to start, and one of the models is topless!
Only the one, Boss? I don’t know what the others were thinking of. I’ll talk to them.
No, Lamar! They’re SUPPOSED to have tops! This isn’t HBO!
Run backstage right away where we keep those, you know, what-do-you-call-ems?
What are you talking about, Boss? You’re hysterical!
You know, those things! Two circles, connected. Please, hurry!
Okay Boss, I figured out what you meant. It’s all taken care of.
Bless you, Lamar. You complete me….
A model presents a creation by French designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac as part of his Spring/Summer 2011 women’s ready-to-wear collection during Paris Fashion Week October 5, 2010. REUTERS/Pascal Rossignol
Blog Guy, you’ve helped a lot of people with unusual fashion needs. Firing squad victims, satyrs, gladiators’ wives, Smurfs… I’m a puppet, see, and it’s hard for us to find nice clothes. Can you help?
Yeah, I guess I can pull some strings…
You’re an idiot, Blog Guy. The things with the strings are marionettes. Puppets are the OTHER thing.
So wait a minute, Lamar. Tell me again how you know this chick who’s coming here to the bar?
I haven’t actually met her, Lonnie, but she sounds very hot.
And she’s a real model?
You bet. She just modeled at Paris Fashion Week. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Lamar, I put you in charge of creating our label’s signature new shoe for spring. Our competition is the Holy Grail of of shoes, the stiletto in the top photo. The stuff dreams are made of. Sleek, sensual, five straps, platform soles, 14-inch heels. Lusty Cherry Red!
Let’s see what you’ve come up with to blow that bad boy out of the water!
Man, am I pumped!
Let me back up a minute. Despite being a global style guru thanks to my blog, I really don’t worry too much about my personal wardrobe.
I blog from home, so I don’t have office dress codes, and I make most of my own clothing from big empty dog food bags. The dry kind, not so much the meaty wet stuff…
What’s wrong, Boss? Why are you crying?
Lonnie, our clothing label is ruined. This is the end…. It’s all my fault. I sank everything into buying millions of yards of plaid automobile seat cover fabric for the 1960 Chevy Impala.
Boss, don’t torture yourself. That was 50 years ago!
No, actually it was last week. I thought the ’60 Impala would make a comeback, and now we’re stuck with this crap.
Okay Lamar, it’s your chance to shine. I put you in charge of our new spring line of purses, so what have you got? We want very classy, very upscale!
Lamar, I’ve been looking at our creations for the fashion show, and I know what’s missing.
What’s that, Boss?
Hats. I think each model should wear a colored hat. Maybe like a fez.
Fez? The candy you carry in that little dispenser?
No, you dimwit, that’s Pez! I said a fez, like they wear in the Middle East. Everybody is talking about that area these days, Lamar…