Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Think you could kill her for a little less?

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This is just pathetic. You may have seen the story about a former TV chef who pleaded no contest to trying to have his wife killed, and was sentenced to nine years in prison.

calorie commando 260Thankfully his wife wasn’t harmed, but here’s the disgusting thing. Did this guy try to find an experienced, professional hitman like a decent husband would do?

No, he did not. Instead, he offered some homeless men $1,000 to kill her.

Let’s all think about that. I can’t decide whether this guy is cheap, or just plain stupid.

I mean, if these poor guys were good at performing complicated tasks and following directions and so on, chances are they might not be homeless in the first place.

We NEED three more naked chicks?

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Somebody please help me out here.

FRANCE-LOUVRE/We have a story about how the Louvre, which is this really big museum in Paris, is asking the public to help raise the cash to buy it a 16th century painting deemed a “national treasure” by art experts.

The Louvre has scraped together $4.19 million for “The Three Graces,” an oil painting by German artist Lucas Cranach the Elder, but they still need another $1.35 million.

Weekend at Bernie’s?

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Two days ago I wrote about an auction where the government was going to sell a bunch of stuff belonging to big-time swindler Bernie Madoff, including some of his underwear and a pair of monogrammed slippers…

MADOFF/So just to update you, the auction was yesterday and it raked in more than $2 million. A 10-carat diamond ring alone fetched $550,000.

Fashion and trashin’ in Oinktown

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UKRAINE-FASHION/

Lamar, I thought you said we were having our fashion show in the underground parking garage to save money. But it says here we’ll be on the real runway. We’re not made of money.

Boss, I’m all over it. I got us the cheapest spot. They’re practically paying us to take it!

Six-letter word, means to pester or nag

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Faithful readers will recall that I have mentioned the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association here several times, and never in a good way. The UWAA is annoying, like a spongy growth on your chin that won’t go away.

badger vertical 220You probably have me pegged as an ungrateful alum. Oh sure, now that I have my own third-rate blog, I’m turning my back on the institution that made me what I am, right? What a heartless ass I must be!

Fashion mirage in a parking garage?

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FASHION/

Okay fashion show staff, we really need to cut costs on our fashion show this week. Lamar, I put you in charge of trimming the fat. What have you come up with?

FASHION/Boss, I think you’ll like this. First, we’re not showing our creations on the runway, where all the other designers are. That will save us a fortune.

And the new Miss Cheap Universe is…

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USA/

Blog Guy, you’ve been covering the Miss Universe Pageant in Las Vegas, and this is the big day. How’s it going?

Okay I guess, but there are complaints about the cost-cutting. The Pageant is being done on the cheap this year, and it shows.

Are you an optometrist or a pessimist?

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Blog Guy, I am one  American who is sick and tired of dehumanizing medical procedures. My own pet peeve is the eye exam.

Really? The EYE exam? That’s what bothers you?

eye test 340Sure. Read those letter. Ooooh, sorry, you got them all wrong. Either you’re stupid or you need glasses.

Is this even real money?

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I’ve mentioned here before that the problem with doing a humor blog for a news organization is that people often try to send me news.

YUM-TACOBELL/Normally I just throw it away, but I was intrigued by an e-mail from the folks at Taco Bell. It turns out they are launching a petition to get the Federal Reserve to circulate more $2 bills, in conjunction with the food chain’s “$2 Meal Deal.”

Here’s what you get for $106 million…

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Blog Guy, I heard on the radio that a Picasso painting just sold for more than $106 million! They held up a photo of it on the radio news, but I was driving and couldn’t look.

Yeah, you’re talking about Picasso’s “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust.” It sold yesterday.