Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hi, you must be Paddington’s mom!

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Blog Guy, I have a question about classic children’s literature.

Sure. I once interviewed Maurice Sendak. He was great! He told me his favorite children’s book was…

Who cares what he said? My kids love Paddington, that cute bear from “darkest Peru,” with his iconic brush hat. They wanna know what happened to his family.

It’s sad. Since his books made so much money, two women claimed to be his mother. Both go around in hats like his to exploit the resemblance.

Each mother claims she wrote the famous note, “Please look after this bear,” but they get the wording wrong.

Put the money in the bag, or I’ll eachu up!

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Blog Guy, there was a really bizarre bank robbery in Australia today.

Yeah, two guys held up a bank in dinosaur masks. As you can see in this closed-circuit footage, they had Tyrannosaurus Rex masks. The bank tellers cooperated and no one was hurt.

“If it had just been a brontosaurus I’d have fought the bastard, but I don’t mess with T-rex!” said one victim.

Heads I win, tails you lose…

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Blog Guy, I just lost a bunch of money to a guy flipping coins, and I can’t figure out how he did it. He beat me every time!

Let me guess. Was he playing, “Heads I win, tails you lose?”

Yes! I can’t figure out what went wrong!

Well, this is not generally a good phrase to agree to in the world of wagering. As a helpful illustration, look at these two guys in the photos.

I’m calling this ring Mini Pearl!

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From Switzerland comes news that a Hong Kong tycoon who bought a flawless blue diamond for a record $9.5 million has now named it the “Star of Josephine.”************I’m not sure why this is important. Naming jewelry is no big deal. For years, my wife has been naming the tokens of affection I’ve given her on romantic occasions.******It started with her engagement ring, an admittedly very modest ruby which she christened the Dinky Pinky.******Soon, the Dinkster was joined by a diamond named Mr. Chips, followed by a pearl she calls, well, Poor Pitiful Pearl.******These adornments now share space in her jewelry box alongside El Shrimpo, Mr. Measly and Li’l Sapphire. Last Christmas, they were joined by Pretty Boy Flawed. So take that, Josephine!***

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************Model displays the diamond during an auction preview in Geneva May 6, 2009. It was found in 2008 and weighs 7.03 carats. The buyer will have the honor of naming the diamond as the first owner of the stone. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse***

More stuff from Oddly Enough

You had garlic bread for breakfast, didn’t you?

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Quick quiz: Well-to-do socialite Paris Hilton and this guy here are…

    Discussing if they can get to the bar in time for Wednesday night $1 margaritas. Singing that Captain and Tenille hit, “Muskrat Love.” Shooting a mouthwash ad that will only be seen in Japan. Flirting shamelessly; She’s saying, “I’ve done hard time, big boy, that changes a girl!” and he’s saying, “You’re a socialite? So you think the government should own everything?”

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Socialite Paris Hilton and her friend Doug Reinhardt kiss as they arrive on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Inglourious Basterds” by director Quentin Tarantino at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival May 20, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Rich guy forces ukes on helpless world?

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We have a heartwarming story today about billionaire Warren Buffett, and how selfless he’s been in helping to nurture ukulele music, donating instruments and lessons to young girls and stuff like that.

My readers, ever compassionate, are already writing in to ask, “Bobby, isn’t there any damned thing we can do to stop that guy?”

ME buy the pot? I thought YOU were buying it, Warren!

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Blog Guy, I’ve read that rich guy Bill Gates is a very good card-player. Would that be because he’s so smart, and understands the odds and probability and stuff?

Hardly. It’s because of this ploy he uses called the Old Redmond Nose-Shovel.

God speed, Lonnie, you got the right stuff!

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Blog Guy, I’ve decided I want to be one of those space tourists. Do you know what that costs?

Not really, but a clue might be that we never mention their name in a story without having the word billionaire attached. You never read that “…middle-class U.S. space tourist Lonnie Johnson returned from space today…”

What if Macy’s got attacked on Thanksgiving?

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Well, I’m in trouble now.

Awhile back, the Defense Department told me to make our military capability the best in the world. I looked for bargains, because who wants to waste tax dollars?

Their original memo said, and I quote, “Price is no object. We’ll back you if there is inflation.”

Be as classy as a drug lord!

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Quick quiz: Business is good, you have a lot of extra cash, so you use it to…

a) make a major donation to Doctors Without Borders

b) build a new homeless kitchen in your city

c) establish a scholarship fund for Katrina victims

d) cover your gun, your cellphone, your patio furniture and your grandma in gold and diamonds.