Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Ya want me back in the shower, Mr. Hitchcock?

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“Ding-dong!”

“Dear, one of the young ladies from that Manson family up the street is here selling homemade lunchmeat! Can she put us down for some?”

Okay, that was an imaginary conversation. But this photo here, which I have artfully censored, is an actual “creation” from a fashion collection in Milan this week. I did not make it up.

So what I wonder is, how far does this insane circle of sociopathy extend? Some designer draws a sketch and says, “Hey boss! Look what I came up with!”

Then, instead of having the designer institutionalized, the boss just says, “Great job! Have this made in time for the September show!”

Learing at a super-hot actress!

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Yo Blog Guy, you know that hot actress Megan Fox? She’s SO fine! Can you run some pictures of her for me?

Sorry, sir, this isn’t that kind of a blog. We don’t run exploitative photos of human beings just because they are “hot.” My readers have loftier pretentions.

Clinton adviser left in the lurch?

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Blog Guy, whatever happened to James Carville, that bald Cajun political adviser to Bill Clinton? You know, the guy who married that actress Marlee Matlin?

Actually, I think Carville married Mary Matalin, the Republican consultant.

Isn’t that what I said? So what’s Carville up to these days?

I think he’s a brain-eater now.

Excuse me? A brain WHAT?

It’s the darndest thing. I was looking at pictures of zombies at the Toronto Film Festival a couple of days ago, and I’m SURE I saw Carville among them.

We can find her for you, George!

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Blog Guy, what do you think it’s like being George Clooney? I bet it’s pretty neat!

You have a real way with words, stranger. I’m guessing “pretty neat” is accurate.

Scarlet hussies save men’s souls?

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Blog Guy, you know where you can find really loose chicks?

Uh, no.

New York City. Yeah, it surprised me, too, but lots of those women in stiletto heels smoking outside office buildings aren’t as prim and proper as you might suspect.

That sure surprises me, but why are you bringing this up?

Because amid this wanton cesspool of harlots and floozies and doxies, I met two angels yesterday.

Tail from the Crypt?

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Hey Blog Guy, sometimes I see funny stuff in the news and I’m sure you’ll use it in your blog, but then you don’t. Do you take bribes to ignore certain things?

Well sure, but folks don’t try to bribe me nearly often enough, even though it’s not hard to do. The truth is, I ignore some stuff because it’s just too obvious, and I do have some pride.

I’ll make him an office he can’t refuse…

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Regular readers know how much I hate remakes of classic movies, but the worst thing is when they get it all wrong. After seeing this studio publicity shot from “The New Godfather,” I contacted the director to ask what the hell is going on.

“It is the famous scene where the man sleeps with the donkeys.”

No, no, no. The man sleeps with the fishes!

“But I am sure there is a donkey, too.”

Huh-uh. A guy wakes up with a horse head in his bed, but that’s a different scene.

Derringer a harbinger? Don’t shoot the messenger!

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Blog Guy, I just saw that Johnny Depp movie “Public Enemies.” Somebody told me they were auctioning off one of John Dillinger’s real guns.

Yep, it sold on Saturday, for $95,600.

Wow! What kind of gun was it?

A derringer.

Are you kidding me? The Dillinger Derringer?

I don’t kid. They wouldn’t identify the winning bidder, but it may have been actor Tom Berenger.

I want more angst, Babu! Action!

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Blog Guy, I just got back from a trip to Europe and I have to complain about the border security guys who examined our luggage. What idiots! I mean, a baboon could do a better job!

It’s funny you should mention that. Over in England, they’re training baboons to do that very task.

I’ll moider you, Porcupine!

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Hey Blog Guy, whatever happened to the Three Stooges? Are they retired?

Not many people know this, but they moved to South Korea and ran for office, because we hadn’t yet started electing comedians to Congress here.

They’re in the Korean National Assembly now, wreaking typical havoc, as you can see in this studio publicity shot from “The Three Stooges, Seoul’d Out!”