Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The most romantic protests ever?

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Blog Guy, I read that they’re having street protests in Casablanca. Can you give us some details?

You know I don’t like to do research.

Well, maybe you could just look at some recent photos and guess what’s going on, as usual?

Okay, okay. I’ll try to imagine some dialogue for these news pictures. Casablanca, huh?

* * * * * *

“Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places.”

“I wouldn’t have come if I’d known that you were here. Believe me Rick, it’s true I didn’t know…”

Where the wild things are?

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Okay, do I have to solve everybody’s problems all by myself?

We have a real news story saying more and more zoos are allowing visitors to spend the night, so they can learn “what happens when the gates slam shut, the sun goes down and the moon rises…”

Really? Again we are faced with schemes created by people who obviously have never seen real-life adventure movies such as “Jurassic Park” or “Snakes on a Plane.”

The unpaid working for the undead?

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Blog Guy, I really want to get into the movie business. Can you help me out?

I suppose I can pull a few strings and get you an unpaid production assistant job on “World War Z,” that new zombie movie starring Brad Pitt.

Wow! I would get to be Brad Pitt’s assistant?

Slow down, Speedy! No, you get to assist the zombies. Stack them in a truck, drive them from scene to scene, use a pitchfork to put them where they belong, and so on.

Smurf City, here we come!

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Blog Guy, can you please help settle a bet with my haberdasher’s manicurist?

Again with the bets and the random occupations? What’s this one about?

She says there’s a whole town somewhere that has been turned into a Smurf village – you know, the little blue cartoon characters – and I say she’s totally nuts.

The very worst contest idea EVER?

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I’m afraid this isn’t going to end well.

A company that makes bug spray has launched “a nationwide search for America’s biggest bug,” and they are offering cash prizes. I am not making this up.

“Got a roach the size of a small dog…a beetle the size of a van…” the contest site asks innocently enough.

Baby, you said a mouthful!

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Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my nephew’s archery instructor?

Okay, these wagers with members of unlikely professions are getting out of hand. What are you betting on this time? Something really stupid, I imagine.

This just in, Arnold has a driveway!

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Blog Guy, I was stunned by the news that actor and former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a member of his household staff.

We were all shocked, believe me. We expect more than that from people in entertainment and politics, don’t we?

The prestigious Zippo Award goes to…

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Blog Guy, why don’t you actually go to Cannes to cover that annual Film Festival?

Oh, I don’t smoke.

So?

From the looks of our coverage every year Cannes is just one big ashtray, a throwback to the 1950s when nobody worried much about lungs.

She’s armed with a good quote…

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Quick quiz: The tattoo on the arm of actress Emily Browning, seen here at the Cannes Film Festival, says…

a) I’d like to thank my agent and manager…

b) When I’m 80, this will be a flabby, blurry smear…

c) If you can read this, you’re too close….

d) Note to self: never drink ouzo again…

e) A blessed unrest that keeps us marching…

Yeah, sorry about that, I wish it could have been wackier, but it’s the last choice.

I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore

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Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about the movie industry. I worry that the big stars are demanding so much money these days, Hollywood will just stop making new films. Is that a real possibility?

No, but we will see some serious changes. One studio has already begun making movies with pugs in the starring roles.