Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I’ve got your back, Renee…

Photo

Hey Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my haberdasher’s fishmonger?

Oh sure, even when I’m on vacation, which I am now, I’m always happy to take time out to settle bets with folks from randomly obscure professions.

Great, thanks! So we were wondering, who has the most deformed back in the history of entertainment?

She says it’s Quasimodo,  from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame,”  but I think it’s the actress, Renee Zelwigger.

You win that one, hands down. I mean, just look at this photo.  I don’t even know what some of those bones are called.

I’ll NEVER do that again, I promise!

Photo

penitents melanie this 490

Blog Guy, every year at Easter time I see lots of photos of “penitents” from different places, which I gather has to do with repenting for sins and stuff like that. I was hoping you could elaborate a bit for your readers.

penitents robes 300Not without doing actual research, which takes too much effort.

But I was hoping you could just make up stuff, as usual.

Okay. It appears some penitents have to wear hooded outfits which are VERY unfortunate in design, if you catch my meaning.

I’ve got you, under my skin…

Photo

CHILE/

Blog Guy, I really love that actress Julia Roberts. I think she’s so cool that I got a huge honking tattoo of her on my chest. Do you want to write about me?

tattoos roberts 280Not unless you get about 80 more of them. Then you could match this newspaper vendor in Chile, who already has 82 of them and plans to get more.

The Oscar for Best Picture goes to…

Photo

AUSTRALIA

Blog Guy, the Oscars are this weekend. I hope you’ve stockpiled lots of movie photos so you can cash in on the extra Internet traffic.

You bet I have. I’m loaded for bear and ready to roll, as you can see from this picture at the top.

You ever try flossing, Catherine?

Photo

zeta jones 490

“Michael, hold still so I can see myself in your fancy sunglasses. Do I have something between my teeth? I can feel it…”

FASHION-MICHAELKORS/“Ewwwww, Catherine! I told you not to have that spinach quiche for breakfast! Cripes! There’s a huge chunk of green stuff hanging out of your mouth!”

When celebrities cut their own hair…

Photo

glamour penn 490

Blog Guy, I’m tired of striking out with the chicks. What do those big Hollywood stars have that I don’t have? Can you let us in on some of their secrets?

glamour combo 320Sorry, I’m not supposed to reveal any of them.

Come on. It’s not like anybody else will see it here in your blog.

Okay. It’s mostly their hair. You take a big star like Sean Penn, he pays fifteen, maybe twenty bucks for a haircut, plus a tip.

There’s something about a man in uniform

Photo

OSCARS/

Quick quiz: The resplendent full dress uniform seen above, with blue lapels, gleaming buttons and rank stripes on the sleeves, will be worn by…

oscars raccoons 260a) the commander of the Sri Lankan navy.

b) members of the Raccoon Lodge.

c) Britain’s Prince William at his upcoming wedding.

d) waiters at a party for the Oscars.

Don’t feel bad, this one fooled me, too. These are indeed specially designed uniforms for waiters at the Governors Ball, part of the Academy Awards festivities.

Yeah baby, I used to be famous!

Photo

BRAZIL/

Psssssssssst! Blog Guy, it’s me!

elephant man japan 180Wally? My old roommate from the Witness Protection Program?

No, you dimwit, I’m The Elephant Man! I was famous when my movie came out, back in 1980, and I’d like some of your fashion advice. I want to start hitting the singles bar scene, but I need a hip wardrobe.

Ah, that empty oat bag over your head and the stupid floppy cap aren’t making it any more, huh?

Who’s your crawdaddy now?

Photo

You get a line and I’II get a pole,
And we’ll go down to the Crawdad hole,
Honey, sugar baby, mine,

Blog Guy, you look preoccupied. What are you doing?

If you must know, I’m pounding out my next million dollar screenplay for Hollywood. It’s a science fiction story, ripped from today’s headlines.

You must be the new town crier?

Photo

USA-CONGRESS/

Blog Guy, like many readers I rely on you for all my political news. So have the Republicans taken over control of the House yet following their victory in November?

Yes, finally, but only after petulant attempts by Democrats to delay the process.