Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, overcome with emotion, pockets a coveted Anachronism Award given to him at a Playboy Mansion party honoring Playboy’s new Playmate of the Year.

Yes, they really still have one of those, and we moved TWENTY photos of the event, including some showing the winner leaning against her prize, a shiny new red Cadillac. Yes, they still have those, too.

Hef is seen here at the party with his great grand-daughter…oops, no, the caption says it’s his girlfriend! Anyway, after the party everybody went home to read some Playboy articles. Yes, they still have those.

Philippines Playboy, sent in a Manila wrapper?

Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine and girlfriend, Holly Madison, attend a party honoring the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year, at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, May 8, 2008. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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Recently I told you about Friedrich Schiller, the famous German writer. Folks dug up a skull they thought was his, and then 100 years later they dug up another and debated which one was really him.

Then they dug up the remains of his son and grandson for DNA comparisons, and dug up the grandson’s WIFE, because once you start digging up skulls, it’s so hard to stop.

Well. Scientists have finished testing, and I can tell you which was Schiller. NEITHER one! Yes, those dudes exhumed several generations of Schillers, their spouses, pets, neighbors and proctologists, just to amass a stack of skulls belonging to no one in particular.

So now they have a huge supply of Certified Nobody Skulls which I’m guessing will show up soon on eBay. I just hope they’ve learned a valuable lesson: when famous people die, decapitate them on the spot and save a lot of Sturm und Drang later.

One of the skulls that isn’t Schiller’s is tested. REUTERS/ Handout/MDR

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This is another in the popular series we call “Things Maybe we Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.” Here we have a photo of a dude we’re told is a new police graduate in Iraq, demonstrating his skills by playing dead.

Huh? I don’t think they teach that class to police cadets here, and frankly I’m a little surprised there is a need for it in Iraq.  From what you read, you’d think the police over there would have other stuff to occupy their time.

“Yo Ron! The new duty roster is posted. Yep, you and I are both playing dead all week. Sweet deal, dude! We lie down for four hours, sit up and eat lunch, then lie down for another four, and then it’s off to the doughnut shop! Is this a great place, or what?”

Related post: Like they don’t have enough problems?

A new police graduate lies on the ground and plays dead during a demonstration of skills by new police graduates in Najaf, Iraq, April 24, 2008. Some 425 police cadets graduated on Thursday after three months of training at a police academy in Najaf. REUTERS/Ali Abu Shish

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From Moscow, news that some billionaire is starting a magazine named Snob. I’m serious.

This is a turning point in publishing. If he can market directly to our worst character flaws, watch out! We’ll see slick, glossy magazines like Big Jerky Butthead, and Wanton Hussy.  Subscribe to Town Drunk, and get a year of Stupid Blabbermouth, free!

“Honey, has my April issue of Eternally Damned Adulterer arrived yet?”

“No dear, but your new copy of Slack-Jawed Yokel is on the coffee table.”

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Italian fashion designer Valentino at the Cannes Film Festival in 2007 photo.  REUTERS/Yves Herman

Blog Guy, as a respected military historian, can you explain where various armies get their marching styles, uniforms, salutes and so on?

Good question. It varies. The military in your richer, better-known nations hire experts to adapt the best traditions and give them a unique and stirring pomp and pageantry.

Ah. But what about those other countries we’ve never heard of?

Oh well, that’s anybody’s freaking guess! I’ve read some of them just rent old comedy videos for their inspiration. This clip may shed more light: Ministry of Silly Walks

(small photo: Monty Python screen shot)

A soldier marches during rehearsal for May 9 Victory Day parade in Dushanbe, Tajikistan, April 23, 2008. REUTERS/Nozim Kalandarov

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Clancy was mortified. WHY had he believed that salesman who said sissy clothes would be THE LOOK for the beach this season? Liar, liar, pants on fire!

So now, endless miles of Caribbean sand, and Clancy is the only one wearing gold braid and fuzzy epaulettes. The other guys are wearing flip-flops, not fuschia socks and dancing shoes like his.

The stockings made his legs sweat and there was sand in his shoes. He covered his face with his hands. He could hear laughter from towel to towel. Oh no! He remembered he had paid extra to have CLANCY embroidered on the back of his jacket. D’oh!

More posts about bullfighting

Spanish bullfighter Javier Valverde prepares for a bullfight at in Seville, April 13, 2008. REUTERS/Javier Barbancho

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Ever want to feel what it’s like to be really old? No,  me neither. Well, the Nissan folks have an “aging suit” to simulate bad balance, stiff joints, weak sight  and extra weight, so their car testers can experience problems faced by older people. I’m not making this up.

Let’s think. Aren’t there millions of actual seniors who could use some extra money, and who wouldn’t need to strap on a custom Old Guy Suit?

Couldn’t the geniuses at Nissan just follow the mailman when he’s delivering the AARP Bulletin next month, knock on a few doors, and show some grandma her experience has value? Nah, easier just to turn junior into the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.  

“Hurry up and crash, Joey! We can wear these duds over to the Cineplex for the senior discount!”

Aging suit slideshow and Video report

Employee wears ”aging suit” designed to simulate physical effects of aging at Nissan Technical Center in Atsugi, Japan, April 15, 2008.  REUTERS/Kiyoshi Ota

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Blog Guy, I really need your famous career advice. I got into Harvard, but now I can’t find the courses I need to prepare me for the lucrative field of carnival sideshows. Help!

You’re not the first to make that mistake, but you caught it in time. One word for you: Vomit. As in  Professor Donny Vomit, of the famous Coney Island Sideshow School, where you can study sword swallowing, fire eating, sleeping on nails - everything you need to see why the word sideshow is synonymous with glitz and glamour. 

In no time, you can be stubbing out cigars on your tongue! Remember their motto, “Be a freak in just one week!”

Sideshow slideshow, and related post: Hit me with a shovel!

A student swallows fire, and teacher Donny Vomit demonstrates how to hammer a nail up his nose during a class at the Coney Island Sideshow school in Coney Island, New York, April 10, 2008. REUTERS photos by Mike Segar

Blog Guy, I recall that back in March, your most popular post was about a proposal to use cadavers instead of live models at fashion shows, to save money for the designers. Now I wonder if it ever took off. I bet this was just a trial balloon that never turned into anything real.

Well, you might have a look at this actual photo from a New York City fashion show last week. Does this LOOK like a healthy model? I’m only wondering how bad it has to get before we mention something about it in the caption.

Related post: I wouldn’t be caught dead in that dress!

A model presents a creation from the wedding gown fashion line of JL Couture by designer Jenny Lee in New York April 12, 2008. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

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I have a deep fear that wax museums will totally confuse the future civilizations that discover them centuries from now. What will they think, finding a waxy Paris Hilton in prison stripes? 

But I must say that a couple of days ago I had a brief flash of appreciation for this art form, upon seeing a tableau of assorted politicians, all grinning at a waxen Pope Benedict around his birthday cake. 

I thought surely the plan was to implant big honking wicks into their heads, and use the statues as  lifesize candles to surprise the real pope when he arrives in DC this week. What a sight!

Well, that was SO NOT THE PLAN, that it turns out I’m supposed to stick close to home for a few days, and be available for questioning. That’s the last time I say what I suppose everybody else is thinking!

Related post: Political paraffin-alia on display

Wax figures of Pope Benedict  and President George W. Bush are pictured “attending” a birthday party with wax figures of presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, and former President Bill Clinton in Washington, April 10, 2008. REUTERS/Jeff Snyder/Handout

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