Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Which job would you choose?

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I have a dead-end job selling lunch meat door-to-door, and I’m looking for something different.

Hmmmm. Are you willing to relocate overseas? Do you enjoy working outdoors and getting a little exercise on the job?

You betcha! I’m not really a morning person. Evening work suits me best.

Then I may have your dream job. You should consider being one of the 44 people employed to kill rats at night in Mumbai, like these guys in the pictures.

OMG I think I’m going to barf! How do they kill them?

The caption says they use an “improvised stick,” whatever that is. Personally, if I had to show up night after night to beat rats to death, I think I’d bring a real stick, but maybe that’s just me.

Eugene, please have a seat…

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Say, Blog Guy, I’ve been wondering about that guy who’s sort of a living legend in your blog. You know who I mean.

Of course. You’re talking about none other than Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson.

Baby, we’re goin’ out for head lard!

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Blog Guy, you know how on these hot, sticky summer evenings you get in a real mood for…

I bet you’re going to say lard, right?

You get those cravings too, huh? Man, there just aren’t any good lard restaurants around these days!

Deadly danger lurks in Snake Town

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Ewwwwwww. What’s up with that photo, Blog Guy? It’s kind of creepy.

You think so? It’s just the boss of a snake farming company, in a village known as Snake Town, enjoying some snake meat at a restaurant.

Oh, whew. For a minute there I thought it might be something weird. I’m looking for a job myself. You think Snake Town is hiring?

You get a lot of modeling work, do you?

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Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?

If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.

Maybe they’re just grimacing in pain?

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bodybuilders bikinis this 490

People, we know why we’re here. Our public relations firm has been hired by a bodybuilding association to improve their image, since focus groups tend to describe bodybuilders as  freakish, grotesque, disgusting and hideous.

bodybuilder vertical this 240So. Who’s got some ideas. Lamar, you raised your hand?

Yeah Boss, I’ve got a suggestion. I think if we just got them to smile all the time while they’re onstage, people wouldn’t notice the rest of it.

Name your poison, folks…

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INDONESIA/

Good evening, folks, welcome to Snake & Shake, home of the Sssssssssizzling Cobra Burger! I’ll be your server tonight. Have you decided what you want?

Yes. My wife will have the broiled lobster, please.

INDONESIA/Very good choice. Please walk on over to that tank and select your lobster, ma’am…

Is this the express line?

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PHILIPPINES/

Blog Guy, it’s a couple of days before the end of February and there hasn’t been a single sign of the onrushing Apocalypse this month. I’m feeling much better already.

ice cream buffett 220 thisThen you’re living in a dream world, buddy. I just saw one of the clearest signs ever. It turns out a specialist ice cream parlor plans to serve up breast milk ice cream.

Bone appetite, everybody!

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skull bowl 490

Okay, the headline on this story, “Ancient Brits ate dead and made skulls into cups,” pretty much says it all. I can’t improve on that.

Perhaps surprisingly, I’m going to skip right over the part about eating the dead. It would just be too easy to compare what British folks ate back then with what they eat now.

Taking an airplane? Don’t go there!

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airline gross nails this 490

Blog Guy, you’ll never believe where I’m e-mailing you from. I’m flying on one of those planes with Internet access. Greetings from 32,000 feet.

Don’t touch a thing, and come back down here this instant!

What do you mean, Blog Guy?

Look, I just read this story on AARP about germs and hygiene on airplanes, and it’s disgusting beyond words.