Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Which job would you choose?
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I have a dead-end job selling lunch meat door-to-door, and I’m looking for something different.
Hmmmm. Are you willing to relocate overseas? Do you enjoy working outdoors and getting a little exercise on the job?
You betcha! I’m not really a morning person. Evening work suits me best.
Then I may have your dream job. You should consider being one of the 44 people employed to kill rats at night in Mumbai, like these guys in the pictures.
OMG I think I’m going to barf! How do they kill them?
The caption says they use an “improvised stick,” whatever that is. Personally, if I had to show up night after night to beat rats to death, I think I’d bring a real stick, but maybe that’s just me.
Eugene, please have a seat…
Say, Blog Guy, I’ve been wondering about that guy who’s sort of a living legend in your blog. You know who I mean.
Of course. You’re talking about none other than Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson.
Is it true that there is only the one photo of him, and after that he just vanished?
Yes. I’ve used that single photo eight times in my blog, an all-time record. I have detectives out scouring the world for Eugene. That’s a lot of money down the drain.
Scouring? Down the drain? Really? Why don’t you just say eventually you’ll flush him out?
Because I do have some humor standards. There have been reported sightings. One in Romania this month, and one in Honduras last year.
Blog Guy, I thought you ran into Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson when you were working with fake barf at Camp Juvenile. He was working with fake poo (or eating a Baby Ruth candy bar):
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/05/10/want-a-margarita-in-a-dribble-g lass-sir/
Baby, we’re goin’ out for head lard!
Blog Guy, you know how on these hot, sticky summer evenings you get in a real mood for…
I bet you’re going to say lard, right?
You get those cravings too, huh? Man, there just aren’t any good lard restaurants around these days!
Sure there are. I go to one in western Ukraine, where you can get your lard in the shape of a head. Boy, a slab of head lard and a nice crisp sauvignon blanc, you can’t beat it.
But wait. They don’t serve those skimpy little-bitty portions, do they? I hate that.
No, that’s the best part. It’s an all-you-can-eat head lard and pig fat buffet, AND a dinner theater.
Deadly danger lurks in Snake Town
Ewwwwwww. What’s up with that photo, Blog Guy? It’s kind of creepy.
You think so? It’s just the boss of a snake farming company, in a village known as Snake Town, enjoying some snake meat at a restaurant.
Oh, whew. For a minute there I thought it might be something weird. I’m looking for a job myself. You think Snake Town is hiring?
Probably, but I can’t recommend it. Looks like pretty dangerous work.
Ah, because of the chance a venomous snake will bite me and I’ll die before I can get medical attention?
Thank you Mr. B. 
@skeres, hats off to the Badger Badger song! 
You get a lot of modeling work, do you?
Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?
If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.
So what’s wrong with this one? I know you do the best our budget will allow, but there are always some issues.
Nothing, Boss. Well, he does slouch a little, and he tends to keep his hands in his pockets.
I can live with that, Lamar.
Oh, and he has a tattoo. There he is now, in our first outfit on the runway.
My one GSD, Jack, has a tattoo. It’s either an “H” or “I” on his belly. It looks amateurish. Since we rescued him from death row, we joke about it being his prison tattoo. A male did that to him. It took him years to learn to trust me. He warms up to most women very quickly. He is the most affectionate GSD I have ever known.
Maybe they’re just grimacing in pain?
People, we know why we’re here. Our public relations firm has been hired by a bodybuilding association to improve their image, since focus groups tend to describe bodybuilders as freakish, grotesque, disgusting and hideous.
So. Who’s got some ideas. Lamar, you raised your hand?
Yeah Boss, I’ve got a suggestion. I think if we just got them to smile all the time while they’re onstage, people wouldn’t notice the rest of it.
Smile?
Sure. Think about it. Everybody loves seeing a happy person. Look, let me prove it to you.
Okay, send that grinning creep show out here! Amazing, huh Boss?
Name your poison, folks…
Good evening, folks, welcome to Snake & Shake, home of the Sssssssssizzling Cobra Burger! I’ll be your server tonight. Have you decided what you want?
Yes. My wife will have the broiled lobster, please.
Very good choice. Please walk on over to that tank and select your lobster, ma’am…
And, for me, I think I’ll try the Sssssssizzling Cobra Burger! That’s made with 100 percent fresh cobra meat, right?
It sure is, sir. Now if you’ll just step into that glass booth filled with slithering cobras, you can select the snake you want and bring it out.
Hold on. I have to catch a live cobra, myself?
Spin, as long as they are NOT snake burgers, I am ok with the rest… 
Is this the express line?
Blog Guy, it’s a couple of days before the end of February and there hasn’t been a single sign of the onrushing Apocalypse this month. I’m feeling much better already.
Then you’re living in a dream world, buddy. I just saw one of the clearest signs ever. It turns out a specialist ice cream parlor plans to serve up breast milk ice cream.
OMG! Where are they getting the milk for that?
From mothers who answered an online ad.
Ewwwww! Now I understand the headline you put on this blog item. I have to agree this is definitely a sign of the Apocalypse.
No it’s not. The actual sign is, the place plans to charge $23 a serving, so they expect to find customers who are nuts AND rich!
JC, liked the way you started that comment with the dinosaurs, I am sure Mr.Thunder Thighs appreciates you remembering them…
Nah, wont tase.. you didn’t teach…so no tasing…
also, my taser is on the charge… will be some time before it’s functional..
Bone appetite, everybody!
Okay, the headline on this story, “Ancient Brits ate dead and made skulls into cups,” pretty much says it all. I can’t improve on that.
Perhaps surprisingly, I’m going to skip right over the part about eating the dead. It would just be too easy to compare what British folks ate back then with what they eat now.
Instead, I’m going to zero in on the bit about making gruesome goblets from human skulls. What in the HELL was up with those Cro-Magnons?
“Earl! Get out the bone china, we’re havin’ the Hendersons for dinner.”
“Not so loud, Marsha, I really drank a skull full last night.”
“You’re makin’ me thirsty, Earl. Hand me another noggin of nog, will ya? “Dammit, you can’t do anything right! What are you, a Neanderthal?”
Umm.. well, no, actually, Unca…I am talking about Skullduggery Pleasant… he is beyond awesome!!!
Taking an airplane? Don’t go there!
Blog Guy, you’ll never believe where I’m e-mailing you from. I’m flying on one of those planes with Internet access. Greetings from 32,000 feet.
Don’t touch a thing, and come back down here this instant!
What do you mean, Blog Guy?
Look, I just read this story on AARP about germs and hygiene on airplanes, and it’s disgusting beyond words.
I don’t scare easily, Blog Guy. Besides, usually all I have is the water.
Ah. The water that has tested positive for E. coli bacteria on a number of planes?
I just returned from a conference in New Orleans – and am SO GLAD I didn’t check this blog before the flight home.
-
Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
-
@Moonshine, ok then. I am not familiar with White Plains so I will take your word for that. I will believe though that it is more pleasant than the city.