Quick quiz: Thousands of live rats in Cambodia, shown in crates below, are being shipped to Vietnam to…

a) enjoy a getaway at one of the world’s top rat vacation destinations.

b) be used as Happy Rat Day gifts.

c) take part in a rat exchange which could lead to a foreign exchange program involving real students.

d) be eaten up by people.

Is that your final answer? Yes, I’m afraid they are heading off to be eaten.

Still, if that surprises you then I guess you missed my blog a couple of weeks ago headlined Another bowl of blood, Lonnie! Shame on you!

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Above: A boy shows off a rat he caught at Kandal province, Cambodia, May 15, 2009.

Left: Live rats are stored in Kandal province, awaiting transport to Vietnam.

REUTERS photos by Chor Sokunthea

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Blog Guy, you write a lot about travel. My wife and I need a vacation, but we’re trying hard to lose weight. Vacations always mean wonderful meals, and we come home 10 pounds heavier. How can we break that cycle?

Do what I do. Plan a vacation to Vietnam.

Oh hot-diggity. How does that help?

For dinner in Hanoi, head out to a bistro I know specializing in entrails and blood soup.

Ewww! Puke-o-Rama! What’s it called?

Lonnie’s House of Blood Soup and Cocktail Lounge. Tell Lonnie I sent you.

You’re crazy! I’d sooner stay home and eat my wife’s cooking!

Don’t forget to save room for Lonnie’s dessert. If you bring your own Bowie knife, you can help him kill it.

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A raw blood dish is displayed with cooked entrails at a restaurant in Hanoi, April 28, 2009. Frozen pudding from fresh duck or pig blood is a popular dish in Vietnam, although duck blood is less consumed following bird flu outbreaks. A bowl of raw blood costs about 55 cents. REUTERS/Kham

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I’m not going to prolong it. The Worst Job in the World title came down to a number of factors - danger, grossness, fecalocitude, etc.

In the end, I had to choose the worst job I happen to have a photo of, and that brings us to the exciting field of elephant proctology.

Astoundingly, one person guessed it right in a comment on my Oddly Enough Facebook blog wall. They left no name, which I guess means they’re currently wanted by the law for something or other.

For those of you wondering what the doctor is saying here:

• “Damn Verizon! I’m getting no reception in here at all!”
• “Feels like he had egg salad and guacamole for dinner.”
• “Bring me the tree trimmers! He’s got hemorrhoids the size of a schnauzer!”
• “I found my lunchbox, Lonnie! Is it noon yet?”
  

Here is the job in real life, so you college grads looking at glossy brochures, pay attention! Got a degree in creative writing? The interview line starts you-know-where.

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A doctor cleans the rectum of Jamilah, a 29-year-old female elephant, before conducting a four-dimensional ultrasound exam, in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Tim Chong

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It is gratifying to see the response to yesterday’s post about the Very Worst Job in the World. Guesses are still very welcome, and the actual job will be announced at 11 a.m. on Thursday.

With regret, I’ve disqualified all the folks who guessed their own jobs. That’s just too easy. One of those was the guy who edits this very blog. Sorry, I don’t think so.

I have to say the single most commonly guessed job was U.S. Secretary of the Interior. Good try, people, but that one is just too obvious.

There were some very creative suggestions. In Peoria, Ill., 76 pre-teen boys sat in a room for three hours, brainstorming the question. They sent me 462 guesses, not one of which can even be printed here. Way to go, boys!

So keep them coming - you have like 20 hours left. Just to help you along, here’s a small section of the real Worst Job person at work. Tomorrow, the entire photo. 

Remember to make your guess at the Worst Job in the World

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President-elect Barack Obama (L) hugs Colorado Senator Ken Salazar, his nominee for secretary of interior, at a news conference in Chicago, December 17, 2008. REUTERS/Jeff Haynes

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A few days ago I blogged about plans to create a soft drink made from cow urine. Seriously. We even discussed ad and marketing uh, challenges to what we dubbed ”Mellow Yellow.”

This was a popular post, I gather because readers want to make damned sure they don’t go out and buy some by accident. So we’ve talked to folks associated with the project and done a video report.

One of the dudes in our report assures us that the stuff  “will sell like hotcakes!”

Um, sure. Maybe like hotcakes that are made from cow dung.

Another guy says, “one bottle contains about five to six milliliters of cow urine.”

That’s good to know, but please, buddy, DON’T make that your ad slogan!

Our report says the beverage’s flavor has yet to be decided. I’d quibble with that. If you make a drink from cow urine, the flavor is pretty far down the road already.

Guys, unless you’re going to mix the urine with molten lava or crushed Brussels sprouts, good luck with taking people’s minds off of the you-know-what.

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Here we have another one of those situations where it would be nice to know just a little more about what’s going on in some photos.

The caption explains that these dudes are hunting for scorpions in a desert in Egypt, but it doesn’t say what they plan to do with the things. That means, under the terms of my contract, I have to MAKE UP stuff instead of using facts.

So here are a few of my guesses. These fat, juicy scorpions are….

* hunted on a regular basis because, heck, there’s no HBO in the area.

* sweetened and molded into the popular breakfast cereal, Little Frosted Scorpios.

* put into a huge scorpion press over at the bottling plant to make the refreshing soft drink “Stinger Zinger.”

* shipped live to Cairo in time for March 1, “Live Scorpions Down Your Pants Day!”

Naturally, if you have other suggestions, they’re more than welcome.

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Hunting for scorpions in a desert near Abu Simbel, southern Egypt, February 19, 2009. REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic

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Blog Guy, I was recently in Bolivia, at a little restaurant on the outskirts of La Paz, and I had a WONDERFUL soup called “caldo de cardan.” ! really felt great afterwards and it even cured my hangover!

Say no more. Brown stuff in white gravy?

That’s it! What’s that yum-yum stuff in it?

Boiled bull’s penis and testicles. You find it in restaurants located near slaughterhouses. Use Yahoo Yellow Pages to find the nearest shop where you can buy the ingredients.

Are you kidding me! Aggghhh! How can I keep that from ever happening again?

Just order a handy copy of “Bob’s List of Words to Avoid on a Menu.” It’s in 74 languages, including English: Brussels sprouts, haggis, poutine, rat meat, rutabega, scorpion, testicles, etc.

Odd meats slideshow

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Above: A waiter at a restaurant selling the popular dish “caldo de cardan”, made from boiled bull’s penis and testicles, February 2, 2009. It is considered an energy booster and sought after by people suffering from anemia, hangovers and sexual impotency.

Below: A cook pours broth on a slab of bull’s testicles.

REUTERS photos by David Mercado

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Blog Guy, last week you ran a blog item about that chicken wing eating contest. That photo with the squishy chewed stuff and grease and everything, I don’t think it’s possible to get any grosser than that.

It is if you can crop a picture. See below.

Ewww! My gag reflex is kicking in! Aren’t you afraid that image will reduce traffic to your blog?

On the contrary. It’s going gold. Readers will send this link to people they don’t like, and start a chain reaction around the world.

Students will send it to teachers, taxpayers will send it to the IRS, guys will send it to their ex-girlfriends. I believe this will become a movement. Isn’t there somebody YOU want to insult? Why waste two words when you can do it with a gross photo?

Yes! My fricking boss! Thanks for the great idea!

Think bigger. Doesn’t your company have an “all staff” e-mail address? Do it now, before you calm down.

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Wing Bowl champion John “Super Squibb” Squibb celebrates after winning the 17th annual chicken wing eating contest in Philadelphia, January 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tim Shaffer

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Okay, we’re told that this is the guy who currently holds the world record for having the most scorpions in his mouth.

Again, in case you missed it: Guy. Record. Scorpions. Mouth.

Five minutes ago, before I saw this picture, I would have guessed the world record for that would be ONE scorpion.

But as we now know, it turns out to be LOTS of them. Plus, the fact that he CURRENTLY holds the record tells me that there are dudes out there trying to take it away from him.

Anyway, the reason I’m posting his picture isn’t just for a cheap gross-out. Rather, I’m doing a public service. If you’re a dentist and you find this guy sitting in your chair, do NOT tell him to “open wide.”

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Majed Elmalk, who currently holds the world record for holding the most scorpions in his mouth, poses for a photographer in Riyadh January 22, 2009. REUTERS/ Fahad Shadeed

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I just don’t know exactly when I turned into some kind of carnival sideshow barker.

My blog’s e-mail this week has included a photo of a two-headed dog, an offer of exclusive photos of a woman with 60-pound breasts, and a press release on a book where some chef shows how to cook up animal testicles for dinner.

I’m happy to say I turned down the poor dog and passed on the heavy breast photos, although it would be nice to have that woman’s address to invite her to our Christmas party this year.

As for the cookbook, I do recommend you watch our video report on this chef, whom I believe has a cable show on the Castration Station.

His book guides you through testicle pizza, testicle pie, etc. I am not making that up. Have a look, because this strikes me as the most efficient possible cuisine if you’re cooking for two.

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