Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Two words I hate to see together

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Blog Guy, you seem upset. What is it?

LIFE-ACUPUNCTURE/I just read a health story that said they’re considering using acupuncture to treat people with “lazy eye.”

So?

Look, my readers know I’ve come to grips with a number of oxymorons in this blog. Stuff like “homemade submarines” and “amateur bullfighting.

But the idea of talking about needles and eyes at the same time is just too much for me. It’s like that quote from Shakespeare, “Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye…”

Blog Guy, that wasn’t Shakespeare, that’s something kids say. And the story just talks about sticking acupuncture needles “into points on the body classically associated with vision…”

Sales from the crypt…

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What is the matter with people?

I mean, please. This year, we saw somebody buy Bernard Madoff’s underwear and John Lennon’s toilet. Elvis Presley’s toe tag was briefly on the market, until there was a dispute over who owned it.

oswald coffin 240 verticalAll of these ghoulish transactions were clear signs of the onrushing Apocalypse, and yet they somehow pale by comparison to an auction a few days ago.

And we’ll throw in a free doctorate, too!

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BRITAIN/

Lonnie, it’s me, the university president. Can you hear me?

Yeah Boss, I’m at the art gallery. A bunch of our students are here demonstrating against the tuition increase.

arm pit vertical 240Big deal, Lonnie. They’re being peaceful, right?

Uh, yeah, but one of the women just took off her clothes, right down to her black bra and panties.

Do you have a date for the ball?

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SERBIA/

Blog Guy, I saw a bunch of Reuters photos from the World Testicle Cooking Championship, and I was surprised you didn’t cover it in your blog.

Yeah, well, I found one of the photos very disturbing, so I just went into denial.

And here’s my chunderwear collection!

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barf dehavilland 490

As I’ve complained here before, the problem with doing a humor blog for a news organization is that people often try to send me real news, which I usually just throw away.

barf bangkok air 220But this week, collectwedo.com, a “social collecting” site for people with hobbies, told me about a guy who collects airline barf bags.

Going beyond routine poutine cuisine

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Blog Guy, since Canada just hosted the world leaders and spent a fortune to present a good face to the world, I was wondering if they used the opportunity to promote that popular Canadian dish you’ve written about?

You mean poutine, the dish consisting of french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy ,which they eat in Canada and almost nowhere else.

Children, meet Sarge and his pet snake!

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Let me say right here, seeing this soldier eat a snake while blood spurts all over his face is not what I find bizarre about this photo.

LEBANON/After all, we’ve seen a lot of that kind of thing, with folks gobbling snakes, frogs, rabbits, even brussels sprouts.

I have to put that in my MOUTH?

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Blog Guy, I follow the exciting world of competitive eating – you know, like that Wing Bowl and stuff like that.¬†But I was baffled to see a reference to the “World Poutine Eating Championship.” What on earth is Poutine?

CANADA/Thanks a lot for asking. Now I’m going to have nightmares¬†again. Poutine is a dish consisting of french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. They eat it up there in Canada.

Seems like clipping my toenails is a full-time job

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Blog Guy, you’ve helped a lot of readers with very specific fashion needs, and I hope you can help me. I’m just a regular chick, except I have two extra legs growing out of my stomach, and just because of that small detail, I can’t find clothes to wear.

FASHION-UKRAINE/Two extra legs, huh? What’s that like?

Well, it’s much easier to do push-ups.

May I ask a very personal question?

No, you may not. Now can you help me?

Yeah, I’m going to go out on a limb here…

Limb? Stop it! I’ve heard all the bad jokes already.

I just meant this fashion creation from Kiev would give you a leg up on the other…

Ten stupid things you shouldn’t do with cameras around

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A very famous person writes, “Bob, what can we celebrities do to improve our image? Please reduce your advice to 10 simple rules, because we have other stuff to do.”

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Well, celebs, thanks to my background in damage control and image consulting, I can tell you it doesn’t matter a bit what you do in private, but when there is somebody around with a camera: