Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Nah, you’ll just have to spin it the right way. Now listen. You’re not just some filthy foreigner carrying a head full of blood-sucking insects that are the stuff of grotesque urban legends.
Rather, your hair is ART. You are exploring the complex subject of guests and hosts. That should work. If you can, thrown in the word paradigm. Watch and learn:
Okay, maybe not exactly four whole miles, but still pretty high up. I believe a 1960s rock group said it most eloquently: “Kicks just keep getting harder to find.”
That brings us to Bayou Bob, of Bayou Bob’s Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch. Texas authorities say he was selling bottles of vodka with dead baby rattlesnakes.
About 400 people were trapped for more than an hour yesterday by a “mechanical fault” on that huge Ferris wheel, The London Eye. Our story says staffers were in touch with the victims, who were stuck as high as 450 feet in the air, via intercoms.
The stalled passengers were offered water, blankets and glucose tablets.
That’s good to know. Given my attitude toward heights, if that ever happens to me they can cover me with the blanket and pound me with water bottles until I stop screaming. Some fully charged tasers, a portable toilet and a parachute might also come in handy.
Welcome back to Great Challenges in Advertising. A woman in South Korea says she found a rat head in some shrimp cracker snacks, and we’re wondering how they could reposition that product in the marketplace. Your suggestions so far:
Rat head shrimp crackers, the snack that can’t go bad!
They’re skull-crunchingly yummy!
Rat head: when you just don’t feel like a whole rat
Rat head, like the shrimp flavor isn’t bad enough…
Rat head crackers – they’re plague-o-licious!
Related post: What happens in Rat Island stays in…
That means if you ride it, at some point your cheeks will be flapping like Dumbo’s ears, and your eyes will be so far back in your skull you can scan your own brain.
Near the top of my list of folks not to lend my iPod to is a guy who holds the record for the longest tufts of hair growing from his ears. I’ve not seen the Guinness entry, but it may be next to the one for the biggest bucket of phlegm.
Anyway, he complains that society has been “apathetic,” and says things would be better if authorities had commended the feat. “Dear Sir, you are hereby awarded the Nobel Prize for Ear-Hair…”
You know how 10-year-old boys have competitions to see who can come up with the grossest thing? Well, watch and learn, kids.
It turns out people visiting a health resort got kind of a rude shock when a nurse giving them enemas failed to use water. Instead, she used hydrogen peroxide. Well, yes, the stuff you can bleach your hair with. Seventeen of them had to be treated in a hospital after the mix-up, according to our story.
A frequent topic here is “Stuff you Wouldn’t Put in your Mouth for a Million Dollars.” This brings us to a Reuters story about haggis, a Scottish dish which is basically a sheep’s heart, liver and lungs wrapped inside its stomach lining. In other words, sort of like a turducken gone terribly wrong.
The U.S. has banned imports of haggis. Scotland wants to get the ban lifted, because supposedly Scottish people living here really want to buy the stuff. If you live in heavily Scottish areas of the U.S., this will explain the long lines at the butcher counters in Piggly Wiggly, as shrill bagpipers demand a haggis fix.
“Dagnabbit! Looks like the engine’s stalled! We’re stuck here awhile.” Quick quiz: the place you least want to hear that sentence is…
a commuter train
a roller coaster, just as you’re at the top of a huge loop
Yeah, roller coaster has to be the answer. Some poor folks got stuck like that with their legs in the air for 30 minutes on New Year’s Eve. They were treated at a hospital for “dizziness,” which I think is a euphemism meaning plastic surgeons had to sandblast a look of pure horror off their insanely frozen faces.