Blog Guy, I see President and Mrs. Bush are watching the Olympics from the stands, just like regular people. That must be awesome, to sit near the First Family!

It depends on your perspective. I hear they can be kind of irritating sometimes. Laura Bush likes to tap people on the back and then act like she doesn’t know what happened.

As for the President, he’ll make mocking faces and flick the person in front of him, and then when they turn around he’s all like, “What, I’m the President of the United States! Would I flick you?”

Of course, if

Hey, Blog Guy - Can you explain how scoring works in the Olympic fencing events?

Sure. What you really want to get is an “in and out,” which means you get 100 points for running your foil all the way through your opponent. Now, if….

Time out! This is more of your ignorant hogwash!

Hogwash? I call it rapier wit.

Oh, I get it. A rapier is a kind of sword. Look,  I don’t think for a moment that athletes are skewering each other like kabobs. Wouldn’t that kill them?

Well, it certainly wouldn’t help them any. I guess I should explain how they score the marksmanship events, too…

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above: Tan Xue of China (L) competes against Sofiya Velikaya at the Beijing Olympic Games, August 9, 2008. REUTERS/ Alessandro Bianchi

below: Mariel Zagunis of the U.S. (L) competes against compatriot Becca Ward. REUTERS/Aly Song

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You know, if you look at pictures of Olympic events from past years, there’s a certain comfortable continuity. The tools of the sport - swimming pools, hurdles - look pretty much the same…

Except, what the frick are those guys using in the archery event? Those gizmos look like Inspector Gadget teamed up on a science project with Rube Goldberg!

Robin Hood managed to become legendary with a hand-crafted yew bow, and if he landed at the archery event in Beijing today, he wouldn’t have a clue what was going on.

Then again, with his criminal record and his issues with authority, I guess Robin would have more to worry about than the shape of longbows.

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left: Yun Ok-hee of South Korea at Beijing Olympic Games, August 10, 2008.

right: Sky Kim Ha-neul of Australia at Beijing Olympic Games, August 9, 2008.

   REUTERS photos by Ruben Sprich

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It’s time once again for Things Maybe We Should Have Explained in a Caption, but Didn’t.

In the photo below, we’re told the President “playfully pats the back” of a volleyball team player, “at her invitation.”

Huh? It seems like we’re missing half the story here. If you’re not Barney the presidential dog, then how do you invite the Commander-in-Chief to pat your back?

Surely the Secret Service knows to intervene when somebody says, “Mr. President! Caress my latissimus dorsi!” If not, then they’d better learn before he visits the weightlifting team.

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President George W. Bush playfully pats the back of U.S. Women’s Beach Volleyball team player Misty May-Treanor (L) at her invitation at the volleyball grounds at the Olympic Games in Beijing, August 9, 2008. Teammate Kerri Walsh (R) watches. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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What did one President Bush say to the other President Bush at an embassy dedication in Beijing?

“Me and Laura are orderin’ some Chinese carry-out tonight, Dad. You in?”

“Have you noticed how much Beijing looks like Peking, where you used to be the ambassador?”

“You think we’ll be able to get any sports on TV here?”

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U.S. President George W. Bush (L) speaks to his father, former U.S. President George H.W. Bush, during the dedication of the new U.S. embassy in Beijing August 8, 2008. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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Note to photographers: With some major sporting events coming up involving guns, it has been brought to my attention that we need to fine-tune the way we photograph such things.  

You take this skeet shooting photo below. You could have shot it from behind, from the side, from an overhead vantage point… But if you can see the round holes where the shotgun pellets come out, you’re doing something wrong.

The same is true of this woman shooting a pistol. Again, wrong angle. If you can see her knuckle from the front, you’ve made a huge boo-boo in the area of where you’re standing.

Tomorrow, watch for my long-overdue memo on photographing archery and javelin events.

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Stephanie Tirode, France air pistol champion in 2007, takes aim during a practice session in Talence, near Bordeaux southwestern France, as she prepares to compete in the Beijing Olympics, on June 5, 2008.

France’s Veronique Giradet, skeet World Champion in 2005, demonstrates how she takes aim during in Castillon-la-Bataille, near Bordeaux, France, in preparation for the Beijing Olympics, June 5, 2008.  REUTERS photos, Olivier Pon

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Blog Guy, I know you’re a real sports fanatic. Are there any events at the upcoming Beijing Olympics that have you really pumped?

You betcha. That new one, the 400 meter mobile phone hurdles. The training photos are breath-taking. The athletes show the split-second physical prowess of hurdle jumping while conversing on a cell phone at the same time!

They don’t know exactly when the call will come, yet they have under a second to say, “Hi ma, sorry I haven’t called you.” Then, they immediately have to dial and order Thai food take-away! Guess that gives the Thai team a slight advantage.

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Paramilitary police for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games take part in training at a military base in Shenyang, China, May 6, 2008. REUTERS/Stringer

Blog Guy, I have a question about the Beijing Olympics, which I believe are being held in Peking.  How will they control the number of athletes? Is there some qualifying event to make sure millions of them don’t all show up in China?

Are you kidding? That would be WAY too complicated! No, each country just controls the size of their teams by making the athletes wear really goofy-looking costumes to the opening ceremony.

The French guys have silly hats and jackets that say FRANCE on the pockets. Don’t even get me started on what the French chicks are wearing. The Canadians have maple leaf pajamas, and so on.

Believe me, when self-respecting athletes get a load of those designs, there will NOT be a problem with too many of them showing up in Beijing!

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(above) Clothing Canadian athletes will wear at the Beijing 2008 Olympics is seen in Toronto, April 30, 2008. REUTERS/Mike Cassese

(below) Models present the official outfits French athletes will wear at the Opening ceremony. Paris, April 29, 2008.  REUTERS/Charles Platiau

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It turns out India’s marksmen are threatening to boycott the upcoming Olympics because they have a shortage of ammunition for training. You can read about it in Marksmen fed up with shooting blanks.

I could see where this may be demoralizing. Oh sure, at first it’s great, just pretending to have bullets. “Hey Floyd! Fantastic! You didn’t miss anything! But you need to improve on pointing your fingers, and you have to make more realistic shooting sounds with your mouth…”

But then you start to wonder about how many other athletes are training without proper equipment. Divers with no water in the pool? Fencers with no foils? “I stuck you!” “No you didn’t! That’s just a thumb!”

In the end, it’s sad for good athletes who really want to compete. Just remember, even Deputy Barney Fife got one bullet.

India’s Rajyavardhan S. Rathore competes in the men’s double trap final of the Athens 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, August 17, 2004. Rathore took silver with a score of 179. REUTERS/Guang Niu

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