Looking back at my blog’s traffic statistics for October, it was an interesting month.

The five most popular items were divided between guns and freakish fashion.

That’s useful in identifying my demographic, as well as in giving me a good reason to move to Yemen and change my phone number.

For those of you who wager on this information, here you go. And I was happy to see my own favorite make it to Number Four.

Thanks for coming back, and remember, if there are people who really irritate the hell out of you, share this blog with them.

5. Bad practical jokes on guys with guns…

4. A fashion taboo bites the dust…

3. NONE of you brought bullets?

2. Nobody wants to see exposed fashion models!

And the most popular item for October was…

1. Pamela Anderson and her little dress child…

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Actress Pamela Anderson poses at the 6th Annual Hollywood Style awards in Los Angeles, October 11, 2009. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

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My goodness, it’s October 25 again! Longtime readers of this blog know that’s the day we update you on news about famous people with seals.

It’s just in time, too, because my folder marked “Seals and Celebs” is overflowing.

Let’s see. From a couple of days ago we have actress Pamela Anderson posing with a person dressed as a seal. And, from last month, here’s supermodel Heidi Klum and her husband Seal, the musician, attending something or other.

Oh yes, and here’s a three-year-old picture of Spanish King Juan Carlos and Russian President Vladimir Putin with Spain’s Royal Seal.

Whew. That about does it until October 25, 2010.

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Combo left: Actress Pamela Anderson poses with a person dressed as a seal as part of PETA’s protest of the Canadian seal hunt at Queen’s Park in Toronto, October 23, 2009. REUTERS/Mark Blinch

Combo center: Russia’s President Vladimir Putin (L) and Spain’s King Juan Carlos smile under the Royal Seal during a traditional welcome ceremony at El Pardo Palace, near Madrid, February 8, 2006. REUTERS/Sergio Perez

Combo right: Heidi Klum and her husband, Seal, attend the “Get Schooled” conference and premiere hosted by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Viacom in Los Angeles, September 8, 2009. REUTERS/Phil McCarten

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Observant readers will note that actress Pamela Anderson seems to manage only a cruel sneer, one that reaches out and says, “Come here and I’ll kill you!”

I believe my blog was the first to report that Anderson’s face is doing weird things these days, but that isn’t what’s going on here.

If you look at some of the full-length shots from a Los Angeles awards show last night, you can see that the actress is simply wondering how she got talked into wearing a gown that…

a) doesn’t even seem to have been put on her correctly, and

b) is so grotesquely cumbersome that it requires a small, puzzled-looking child to hold portions of it at all times.

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Photo combo: Actress Pamela Anderson attends the Hollywood Style awards in Los Angeles, October 11, 2009.

Left: Anderson poses as Adelaide Gault holds a corner of her dress at the awards.

REUTERS photos by Mario Anzuoni

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Blog Guy, what is that actress Pamela Anderson up to these days?

It’s a sad story. Judging from new photos of her, she’s lost all control of her face muscles. Still, the Serbs were nice enough to put her on the cover of their Playboy magazine.

Well, sure. Who looks at faces in Playboy, if you take my meaning? What does the magazine translate to in Serbian, anyway?

Strangely, it’s called Playboy.

Amazing! What are the chances of that?

Plus, it looks from the cover like the phrase Fight Club is also the same in Serbian.

That means I could actually go to Serbia, get in a taxi and say, “I am a Playboy, take me to the Fight Club,” and they would understand me!

Yeah, but then there you’d be, at a Fight Club in Serbia. What would you say then?

I’d say, “Isn’t it sad about Pamela Anderson’s face?”

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Actress Pamela Anderson poses for photographers with a Serbian issue of Playboy magazine featuring her on the cover, in Montenegrin coastal town of Budva, July 15, 2009. REUTERS/Stevo Vasiljevic

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It’s the time of year for lists, as we saw yesterday with my own top ten posts. One of the best lists I’ve seen is from PETA, the animal rights group, offering the Top Ten Most Karmic Moments for Animal Abusers in 2008. And what a list it is!

* A hunter tracking a deer he shot falls off a cliff.

* A woman using a .44 magnum to shoot MICE shoots herself and a bystander.

* A guy striking his dog with a gun manages to shoot himself.

This is the feel-good list of this holiday season, and I’m dedicating this post to my own rescue dogs and cats.

My one regret is that nowhere on the list does a bull defeat a matador and leave the ring amid wild cheers, heading for a peaceful retirement. Well, maybe in 2009.

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Above: Actress Pamela Anderson in a PETA shirt, April 25, 2008. REUTERS/ Jim Young

Below: Combo shot of animals I see in my own home.

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Readers often ask me for more celebrity gossip. I’m not crazy about that kind of reporting, but out of respect for the eight million unique users who come to this blog anytime I mention Pamela Anderson, I’ll make an exception.

The hot news about Pam’s love life is, she appears to be dating a mime. This shot from a London fashion show yesterday reveals the actress getting cozy with one of those silent performers who are always stuck in glass boxes, and seem to be way too happy, or way too sad.

Pam has not revealed the mime’s identity, but has told friends she loves the fact that he doesn’t talk a lot, he lets her use his makeup, and he keeps his glass box pretty clean.

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Actress Pamela Anderson sits next to a mystery guest before the Vivienne Westwood spring/summer 2009 show at London Fashion Week, September 18, 2008. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

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Blog Guy, did I miss it? Have you announced the top five most popular items in your blog for August? I stayed home Labor Day Weekend just for this!

You didn’t miss anything - it was very close this time, and knowing that some people bet heavily on these results, we reran the data just to make sure.

Once again, a diverse spread of topics, from bicycle trees to tips on looking like George Clooney, to stuff from the Olympics. You may now collect your winnings.

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5. Mmmmm, ripe, juicy bicycles!

4. Stuff they don’t want you to see

3. Even better-looking in person!

2. I’m dropping my pants…

1. A very goofy photo opportunity!

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Hey Blog Guy, your post on news photography was very useful. On the topic of news, could you explain how we can find reporters we should really trust? You know, how do we know a true professional?

It’s pretty easy. Check their underpants.

Um, underpants?

Sure. The real pros will have underwear covered with signatures of people they’ve interviewed. The first hardball question we reporters ask is, “Will you sign my underpants?”

I had no idea! How about your own underwear?

The ones I’m wearing right now were autographed by Mother Teresa , Neil Armstrong and author Graham Greene. So yeah, this is a truly professional pair of undershorts. If you want to be a journalist, get yourself some fairly clean underwear and a marking pen, and get started!

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Actress Pamela Anderson signs the underpants of reporter Logan Courtman at her Sydney news conference August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Will Burgess

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Blog Guy, did I read somewhere that Pamela Anderson is coming back to TV?

Yes, recently we reported she will return in a documentary series about her.

I thought they made documentaries about coal miners in Kentucky and stuff like that. Why would we want to see one about her? Has she started coal mining?

No, but she’s doing other things. She was just in DC, representing PETA.

That Middle Eastern pocket bread?

No, that would be pita. Her organization, PETA, works to help animals.

Too bad. I like that bread. My wife puts salami and cream cheese in it, and…

Yeah, thanks. Here’s a photo of Pam with a PETA official named Dan. Our actual caption specifies that she’s the one on the left, I guess because people must confuse the two of them pretty often.

Pamela Anderson (L) looks up at Dan Mathews, an officer with PETA, People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals, at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in Washington, April 26, 2008. REUTERS/Mike Theiler

Anderson and U.S. Capitol Building, photo by Jim Young.

Related post: “Yes, it’s true…”

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In case you’re unaware, voting is going on for a new list of seven wonders of the world, since most of the old seven wonders no longer exist. There are 21 finalists, so it’s too late to nominate Pamela Anderson or your neighborhood Ben & Jerry’s.

Just about anybody can vote, even if they don’t bother to look at the itty-bitty pictures on the official Website for an informed decision about whether the Taj Mahal is more wonderful than the Sydney Opera House. After all, who is better placed to choose the new wonders than millions of folks who may never have seen any of them?

Anyway, here’s what’s happening. China is so worried that its Great Wall will not be named one of the magnificent seven, it has actually launched a campaign to get Chinese people to vote for it. If you compare their population of 1.3 billion people with that of Easter Island, population 2,000, you can do the math and figure the chances we’ll be seeing those Moai statues among the final seven. Here’s the story:

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A view of “Moai” statues in Ahu Akivi, in a 2003 photo. REUTERS/Carlos Barria