Oddly Enough Blog

Getting bored with getting gored?

Blog Guy, I was surprised to find that Pamplona Running of the Bulls thing started several days ago. Usually you dump all over it in your blog. Don’t you care about animals anymore?

I do care very much, but from the coverage I’ve seen this year, I’m cautiously hopeful that some improvements have been made. For example, it looks like they are using fake bulls on wheels, instead of being needlessly cruel to real animals.

I had no idea! What else?

I was also happy to find pictures of runners waiting in long lines before they get to run.

In past years it was like, “Twenty bulls, no waiting!” Now, with the lines, it’s more like going to the DMV to get plates, and it’s bound to discourage some idiots.

I mean, how long would YOU wait just to get trampled and gored? Pretty soon, people will be like, “I waited four hours and then they ran out of bulls! I’m just gonna see if this blond chick wants to get drunk and make out.”

Could any bull resist that face?

Blog Guy, I really admire your attitude. I read your blog every day, and you have something nice to say about everyone. I just wish I could have such a generous heart. How do you do it?

The trick is to have inner fricking peace. I mean, you need to realize that every human being is one of God’s creatures, and that…  OMG! Look at that dumbass bullfighter!

Excuse me, Blog Guy? You were saying something about inner peace?

How pompous do you have to BE to make a face like that? If there’s any justice in the world they’ll be sucking him up with a Wet Vac in Pamplona….

Er, I guess we all drift from the righteous path now and then, Blog Guy. But the main point is that…

MAN! Look  at this yokel with the funny glasses wearing a tie with short pants! Where is he going in that? I bet his name is Chauncey  or Nigel and he’s carrying dismembered limbs in that black bag. He probably even….

The place to go when you really NEED to pull a head off!

I  just don’t get it about Spain. Those people over there only seem to be entertained if they’re doing something twisted to animals, live or dead.

I’ve blogged endlessly about bullfighting, the sport of psychopaths, and about those louts who run with the bulls in Pamplona. The bulls never catch a break in either of those activities.

Then there’s that fiery ceremony for the “purification” of horses, and the festival where competitors try to tear the head off a goose.

Today we have a variation of the goose one, a festival where folks pull the heads off of roosters.

Do these people have something against just watching TV for entertainment, like the rest of us?

I get the idea that if your village wants to have a festival, the official government form says, “Briefly describe what kind of animals will be abused, and how.”

Still in the bull business, huh?

Blog Guy, what is Rod Blagojevich, that former Illinois governor, doing since he left office in disgrace?

Good question. That has been a real mystery, until very recently. It appears he took one of those two-week online matador courses, bought a silly outfit, and is now working as a bullfighter in Spain. I spotted him in a photo from Pamplona.

You’re right! I mean, the governor’s smirk has been replaced by a contemptuous sneer, but I’d recognize that trademark hair ANYWHERE! What was it that first tipped you off?

Well, for starters, this bullfighter goes by the nickname of “El Gobernador.” A coincidence? I think not.

Plus, I would imagine that working in proximity to Chicago’s stockyards must look pretty good on a bullfighter job application, don’t you think?

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Goring, goring, gone…

Blog Guy, I heard it was another rough day for the revelers at the running of the bulls.

You bet. Despite the fact that a bunch of runners had already been injured at the Animal Cruelty Festival in Pamplona, one of them fatally, they were off and running again yesterday, with other serious injuries.

Wow. Was there any single low-point?

I was particulary taken by this photo of a guy passing a cigarette to another guy. If you need a smoke when bulls are rampaging through the streets, you may have a problem.

Okay, but I know there must be moments of bravery, too, aren’t there?

Sure. There was Capuchino, the bull who killed one runner and gored three others.

You know what would be really, really embarrassing?

Blog Guy, I’ve been following your coverage of that San Fermin festival over there in Pamplona. So who’s winning?

Sadly the bulls always lose in the end, but I must say they’ve had a pretty good couple of days. In a four-minute running of the bulls today, several people were injured and one runner was killed.

Meanwhile, over at the bull ring, hotshot bullfighter El Cid had a real embarrassing experience.

Check out the photo below. What’s interesting about it is, it’s the only one of a whole series that I can actually use here. Thanks to some pinpoint horn work by this bull, the crotch on the bullfighter’s silly outfit was ripped open, leaving all of his male parts fully exposed to the crowd.

And while it’s not really for me to judge, it didn’t look all that impressive, either.

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On the phona in Pamplona?

Blog Guy, I was very interested in your report yesterday on the San Fermin festival, in Spain. May I ask a question about it?

Sure. I know quite a bit about the festival.

Well, I was wondering what it looks like if someone uses a phone at the festival.

Good question! I think it would look something like this photo here.

Very interesting. One more thing. If the woman in that photo was a long-lost love child of actor Dick Van Dyke, calling to say “Daddy, it’s your daughter, I’m running with the bulls at Pamplona!” What would his reaction look like?

It would probably resemble the picture below.

Thanks, Blog Guy. Your resources are simply amazing! I didn’t think you’d be able to pull that one off.

Welcome to the Scarf ‘n’ Barf

Blog Guy, you do a wonderful job of keeping us up on what the elite are doing. Where is the Smart Set this week, so we can once again envy the lush life?

There’s only one place to find the Beautiful People this week, awash in a sea of red scarves at the San Fermin festival in Spain!

It’s time to run with the bulls, but it’s also a time for chic parties. As you can see here, the Beautiful People are out in force, enjoying fine local food and wine.

You know, I notice that the Beautiful People seem to be doing a lot of retching and puking.

What did you expect? You asked about the lush life, and I gave you lushes.

All of your captions always refer to these people as “revelers.” What does that mean?

I believe the definition of reveler is “somebody you’d never give your real phone number to.”

Damn you, guidance counselor!

This time of year I get lots of queries from college seniors asking for career advice.

Often they say, “Bobby, are there any signs I can look for that might indicate I’ve chosen the wrong career?”

Sure, there are quite a few, and you’d be smart to read my past CAREERS posts. But here are a couple of new thoughts:

• If you’re moving at a high rate of speed and there’s a huge fuming bull chasing you, and you’re not drunk and you’re not in Pamplona, then your career counselor owes you or your widow an apology.
• If the ground is moving under you and you seem to be  hanging onto a big sharp horn, and you can feel hot nostril snorts on your leg and there’s a hole in the butt of your fancy purple jammies, maybe you should have thought twice before majoring in Creative Writing and Film Studies.

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Above: Spanish bullfighter Rafaelillo runs after being tackled by a bull in Seville, April 20, 2009.

Welcome to Pamplona lite!

I’ve posted items recently on the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. And while I don’t think there is anything very macho about that activity – unless by macho you mean pathetic – I admit it does have some cachet when compared with another event this week.

Toro de Cuerda!! In English, that is “Bull on rope.” Yes. A bull restrained by a rope is allowed to “run” through the mean streets of Grazalema, Spain, while folks hide on handy structures above him. 

I’m not sure, but I believe the participants wear gore-proof clothing and have four-inch-thick safety glass between them and the animal, who for all I know may just be two guys in a bull costume.

Go ahead, try saying this in your most MACHO voice: “Oh, Si! I climbed above the tethered old arthritic bull who wears bifocal glasses!” Not exactly straight out of Hemingway, is it?

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People hold on to a window to avoid a bull during an event entitled ‘Toro de Cuerda’ (Bull on Rope) where a bull restrained by a rope is allowed to run through the streets in Grazalema, southern Spain July 21, 2008. REUTERS/Jon Nazca