Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Señor Jiffy Pop, you’re exploding!

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matador-and-woman-120.jpgOh brother, can I pick ‘em or what? On the Internet, this guy seemed so normal, but then I meet him in person…

He told me online he “works with animals.” Yeah. Turns out he tortures them to death!

He also said he’s a snappy dresser. Jeez Louise, he’s got a jacket decorated with 6,000 pieces of unpopped popcorn beaded together! It’ll be fun to see what happens when the intense July sun heats up those kernels out in the bull ring.

At least I had a chance to slather grease all over his sword handle when he wasn’t looking. When he tries poking that thing into some poor bull, Señor Jiffy Pop is in for quite a surprise. 

I wish I had one pantsuit that nice!

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Goodness gracious, now I’ve done it! I should have stayed with the tour, but no, I knew better!

So I guess this place must be one of those gigolo bars. Sheesh, every man in here is dressed better than I am. They all have those fancy things on their shoulders like they’re colonels or something, but I bet they’re not. They even have CAPES for cripes sake, and here I am in a plain dress!

Toss me another tourist, Toro!

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pamplona-2-220.jpgDear Mama and Papa Bull, it’s exciting here in Pamplona! I can sure see why us bulls love the annual Running of the Tourists!

I feel a little guilty, though. Face it. If these people had any brains they wouldn’t be out jogging with huge honking bulls. Then they drink gallons of wine, just to give us even more of an edge!

Revel without a cause…

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It’s funny how words change in meaning. A 1990 fashion headline tells us, Givenchy and Valentino Revel in Luxury. Now, the 2007 photo caption below informs us, Revellers wrestle in chocolate…

I started noticing a couple of months ago that every news photo caption we had from the running of the bulls in Pamplona contained the word revellers, even when folks were about to revel under a bull’s hoofprint stamped on their faces.

The importance of being Ernest

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Hey, Blog Guy, I hear there’s a town someplace where everybody looks like the author Ernest Hemingway. What would that be like? It sounds very Kafkaesque!

Well, no, it would be Kafkaesque if they looked like Franz Kafka, but I know what you mean. You’re talking about a place in Florida where they all look like actress Mariel Hemingway’s grandfather for a few days a year. I believe plastic surgery is involved.

Son, wanna try out our new sneakers?

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Dear Mommy,
It’s great visiting Daddy! I’m having the most fun any 10-year-old boy could have! We got ice cream, we saw the new Harry Potter movie, we ran with the bulls in Pamplona, we…

Excuse me? Yeah, it turns out this mother in Spain was less than thrilled to pick up a newspaper and see a photo of her ex-husband leading their son by the  arm just a few feet in front of the bulls, in that annual festival where guys do things they would never think of doing sober.

“You said let’s visit Spain and meet chicks, Floyd!”

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“Well, Mr. Know-It-All, this is a fine mess. You said, let’s run down this alley, and they’ll go for that dude standing in the doorway! How does that seem to be workin’ for us so far?

“And you were the smarty-pants who said we could yell anything we wanted in English, because bulls only know Spanish! I guess maybe they have a damned foreign phrase book, ya think?

“So? What do you do for a living?”

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Who could have guessed that the next big trend would be nun-matador bars? But here they are, wildly successful – at least, you know,  in cities that have both nuns and matadors.  Of course, you may have different ideas about what’s going on in this photo. Try your hand at a clever caption, and send it our way via Post a Comment.nuns300.jpg 

You come here often? Nuns talk to Spanish assistant bullfighters before the start of a bullfight at Pamplona’s bullring on the last day of the San Fermin festival July 14, 2006. REUTERS/Susana Vera 

What’s going on here?

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An unsuspecting tourist smiles, unaware that hooligans have just dropped a large black beanbag onto his head.  Still, that’s nothing compared with the surprise he’s about to get, when that big wooden gate opens.  Let’s all watch what happens…. 

Or, maybe something else altogether different is happening in this newsphoto. Drop us your best captions via Post a Comment. hat3001.jpg

The worst job in the world?

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It turns out live sex shows of bulls mounting a simulated cow have become a big attraction at an agricultural exhibition in New Zealand. The fake ‘cow’ — a small go-kart with natural cowhide on its roof — was developed to collect semen from bulls. .

But here’s the thing. The go-kart is driven by a human operator, and that just doesn’t sound like such a great job, especially when you have to print up business cards that say “Semen-collecting fake cow driver.” And then there are those awkward moments at dinner parties, when the person next to you asks, “So, what do you do?”