Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
The best of another goofy month
November was another month full of news you can use from this blog.
Traffic stats for the 10 most popular items show that readers were especially eager to learn what makes the perfect gift, how to avoid as many of those Kardashians as possible, and what superstars miss most when they’re filming away from home.
They also appreciated my new insights into goofy history, with true stuff like what Abe Lincoln did on the South Lawn, and how King James I amused himself.
And most of all, they valued having a place where they could learn what retail products have been recalled recently. It’s a very long list.
On a personal note, I was happy to see my Fabio item made the top 10 list. I just really liked that one.
Here they are, your favorites for the month…
Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…
Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.
Sure, that’s what I’m here for.
See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.
Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.
So anyway, due to some unfortunate binge drinking-related blackouts, I seem to be missing a few key dates. For instance, August 8, 2004.
Let’s have a look in my photo archive. Bingo! Here she is, driving a pickup truck in Los Angeles.
@jclimacus: Brilliant!
As our own Blog Guy once said
to his readers,
“Hilton’s as dingy as a bell,”
As Cain announced when he knew he was trounced,
“It was swell, voters, swell,”
As the Blog Guy said to his readers with ease,
“Don’t forget make comments, please,”
As fwd cried in the duchess’s ear,
“Kate, why not choose me, dear?”
It was just one of those things
Just something that Ronald’s spam brings
One of those peaches or beaches from one of those kings
Just one of those things
It was just one of those blogs,
Just one of those things that leaves you agog
A trip to the moon on the BT-69′s wings,
Just one of those things
Remember to bring protection, honey
Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?
She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.
They were hurt while protecting her?
No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.
Wow, that sounds kind of harsh. So what did they do wrong?
Well, I can’t be bothered to do research, so I’m just guessing here, but I imagine Poland must have a law against protecting Paris Hilton. I think a number of countries have similar laws.
Polish policemen got fired because really wanted to keep a close eye on Paris’s assets…
I would too 
We’ll always, always, always have Paris…
Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?
Calm down, she’s still posing. Here she is at the opening of a shopping center this week, in Poland.
Excuse me? She’s at that level now, going to Polish strip mall openings? What’s that about?
As I understand it, she was supposed to cut the ribbon on the new meat department at a Piggly Wiggly down in Baton Rouge, but that fell through, so she needed something to do.
Ah, that makes sense. I notice in her arrival shot she doesn’t even have an elevator to ride. Is this her choice?
Yes, she prefers to arrive this way. Her contract has an escalator clause…
Where in the world is Paris Hilton?
Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! It’s been four days since we left Paris Hilton promoting her shoes in Istanbul, and we’ve heard nothing from her. I’m going to start checking the hospitals.
I’m sorry, I should have told your earlier. She’s fine, she’s just in India now, promoting her new line of handbags and accessories. Here she is, above, at a news conference.
Whew! That’s quite a relief. What with her being one of the 10 most hated people in America, I fear for her safety.
I guess maybe she’s going overseas a lot these days so folks in other countries can learn to feel the same about her.
Does she seem okay to you? Did she do all her poses? The vacuous smile, the peace sign, the peering over her sunglasses?
She sure did.
@Nosmo, “But these Giant Panda cubs, napping peacefully in their nursery, have a far more important role to play.”
Dude I got chills.
I can’t read this blog until those pictures of Paris Hilton recieve the proper application of the MS Paint rectangles. Those photos are much more damaging than beer babe cleavage.
Paris, couldn’t ya just wear gloves?
Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?
What did I do this time, Boss?
I sent you to cover that Paris Hilton event where she’s pushing her line of shoes, but I told you NOT to make it look like free publicity. You know, it has to seem newsworthy.
After all, she is one of the 10 most hated people in America, AND she’s just trying to sell shoes.
It was tough, Boss. Every time I pointed my camera she held up a shoe and smiled, or crossed her long legs so her shoes were in the shot. I mean, normal people don’t just smile and hold up shoes, do they?
That’s a good point, Johnson. Maybe we can go for a tragic human interest angle here. You know, we’ll say she’s deranged.
The folks you love to hate?
Blog Guy, you haven’t written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse recently. Is it safe to come out of the panic room?
No, you just stay put in there. An actual opinion poll informs us that Casey Anthony is now “the most hated person in America.”
She’s that Florida woman who was found not guilty of murdering her two-year-old daughter?
Yep, it turns out, 94 percent of the Americans who have heard of her dislike her. Oh, and 57 percent consider her “creepy.”
Ah, I get it. So you think it’s a sign of the Apocalypse that anybody scored so high?
No, the sign of the Apocalypse is that the public seems alarmingly incapable of separating fantasy from fact.
George and Cindy Anthony spotted shopping in Statesville, NC. Store had to get security!
When pensive gets expensive…
Okay Lamar, the big day has arrived! For once, we’re spending some real money on supermodels for our fashion show, and you’ll see what a difference quality can make.
Now, did you teach them the subtle moves I asked for?
You bet, Boss. Two of them have mastered the intricate “Stand on one stiletto, lift the other foot and smile” maneuver.
Bravo, Lamar! That may be the most complex move in the business! Perfecto!
Now, how about the next one, blowing endless air kisses while making each one look fresh, sincere and spontaneous?
Got it, boss. Look at her! The great ones make it seem so effortless.
How’d you make out with that socialite?
Johnson, get your butt into my office! Did you shoot those Paris Hilton events?
I sure did, Boss, I just got back.
So? Fill me in. Was it newsworthy?
I dunno. She mostly just made out with some guy.
Wait a minute, Johnson. She called the press in to watch her make out?
Yeah, I thought it was kind of nervy of her. He didn’t even try for second base.
Are you man enough for extreme karaoke?
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I’m leaving soon on the dream trip of a lifetime, to Asia, and I’m going there for the usual reason.
To see the Great Wall? The Forbidden City? Mount Fuji? Angkor Wat?
No! Unlimited karaoke! I hear they have it everywhere over there, but I want to make sure I’m up on the latest developments. I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself while singing in public.
No, God forbid that should happen. You’ll want to read up on Naked Ice Cube Karaoke before you go.
I’ve never heard of that.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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I didn’t know we were asking for fantasy photos. I’d like to see new photo of a Republican presidential candidate holding a food item. Those are always entertaining. I still don’t know why Mitt was looking at that corn cob like that.