Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The best of another goofy month

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November was another month full of news you can use from this blog.

Traffic stats for the 10 most popular items show that readers were especially eager to learn what makes the perfect gift, how to avoid as many of those Kardashians as possible, and what superstars miss most when they’re filming away from home.

They also appreciated my new insights into goofy history, with true stuff like what Abe Lincoln did on the South Lawn, and how King James I amused himself.

And most of all, they valued having a place where they could learn what retail products have been recalled recently. It’s a very long list.

On a personal note, I was happy to see my Fabio item made the top 10 list. I just really liked that one.

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

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Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.

Remember to bring protection, honey

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

We’ll always, always, always have Paris…

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Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?

Calm down, she’s still posing. Here she is at the opening of a shopping center this week, in Poland.

Where in the world is Paris Hilton?

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! It’s been four days since we left Paris Hilton promoting her shoes in Istanbul, and we’ve heard nothing from her. I’m going to start checking the hospitals.

I’m sorry, I should have told your earlier. She’s fine, she’s just in India now, promoting her new line of handbags and accessories. Here she is, above, at a news conference.

Paris, couldn’t ya just wear gloves?

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Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do this time, Boss?

I sent you to cover that Paris Hilton event where she’s pushing her line of shoes, but I told you NOT to make it look like free publicity. You know, it has to seem newsworthy.

After all, she is one of the 10 most hated people in America, AND she’s just trying to sell shoes.

The folks you love to hate?

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Blog Guy, you haven’t written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse recently. Is it safe to come out of the panic room?

No, you just stay put in there. An actual opinion poll informs us that Casey Anthony is now “the most hated person in America.”

When pensive gets expensive…

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fashion one foot combo 490

Okay Lamar, the big day has arrived! For once, we’re spending some real money on supermodels for our fashion show, and you’ll see what a difference quality can make.

Now, did you teach them the subtle moves I asked for?

victoria kiss combo 340You bet, Boss. Two of them have mastered the intricate “Stand on one stiletto, lift the other foot and smile” maneuver.

How’d you make out with that socialite?

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Johnson, get your butt into my office! Did you shoot those Paris Hilton events?

I sure did, Boss, I just got back.

MEXICO/So? Fill me in. Was it newsworthy?

I dunno. She mostly just made out with some guy.

Wait a minute, Johnson. She called the press in to watch her make out?

Yeah, I thought it was kind of nervy of her. He didn’t even try for second base.

Well, I’ll be! Maybe it’s the first time she’s ever been kissed?

Are you man enough for extreme karaoke?

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I’m leaving soon on the dream trip of a lifetime, to Asia, and I’m going there for the usual reason.

CHINA/To see the Great Wall? The Forbidden City? Mount Fuji? Angkor Wat?

No! Unlimited karaoke! I hear they have it everywhere over there, but I want to make sure I’m up on the latest developments. I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself while singing in public.